Boundaries: It’s become a buzz word in our culture.  In my role as a therapist, it’s one of the most talked about topics with people.  When I’m working with people who are both Queer and come from a Christian context, boundaries with non-affirming people almost always surfaces at some point in our work together.  In my last post, I explored ways to navigate relationships with non-affirming friends and family.  Setting boundaries is one of those ways.  In spite of how common this concept is in our culture, people often feel shaky about how to actually do it.  So, h ..read more

I’m a mental health therapist and I specialize in working with the LGBTQ+ population.  And I myself am gay.  Without a doubt, one of the most common concerns I hear from clients who come from conservative backgrounds is how to navigate relationships with their non-affirming loved ones.  They say it over and over, “My queer friends who aren’t religious don’t get it.  They tell me I need to stand up for myself and cut people out of my life who don’t affirm me.  But it’s not that simple.  I love my friends and family, and I understand why they believe what they do ..read more

Recently, the “Don’t Say Gay” bill passed in Florida.  I grew up in a context where “Don’t Say Gay” was the prevailing attitude.  Other than a few disparaging comments made about “homosexuality”, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah and the AIDS crisis, the LGBTQ community was barely mentioned.  It was that utter lack of presence that communicated volumes to me about who the LGBTQ community is and whether it would be acceptable for me to belong to it.  Even though no one overtly told me I could not be gay, I knew it would be a deeply shameful thing for me to even consider that ..read more

If you grew up in any mainline denomination or evangelical Christian church and are LGBTQ+, chances are you have experienced church trauma. Essentially the trauma and pain that queer people experience in the church leads to symptoms that arise due to that stress; intrusive and pervasive feelings of guilt, nightmares, dissociation, difficulty with intimate relationships, substance abuse just to name a few.  What makes this all the more complicated is that when it comes to spiritual abuse or church trauma there are facets of God blended in with all of this making it sometimes feel as if God ..read more

As the child of an interracial couple I know what it means to grapple with the feelings of not belonging. I became very good at floating on the perimeter of every group. It was almost as if I was invited to a party but not the after party sleepover with the “close friends''. It is a painful place to be and one that became so second nature to me that I often didn’t notice it was happening. Now as an adult I can look back and see those moments with clarity. I feel sorrow for that little girl and a bit of gratitude that she was not fully aware of what was happening.  It is my life long expe ..read more

Are you Deconstructing your Christian faith? Deconstructing your Christian faith is an experience that more and more Christians all over the world are engaging in and traveling through.  It happens for many reasons but the heart is the same, the Christianity they were taught, given and believed in no longer works for their lives. Many mainstream Christians believe there is only one way to be a Christian. Deconstruction happens when who you are and what you believe comes into conflict with what you’ve been taught. I am a lesbian woman and I was taught being gay was wrong. I want to take ..read more

What do we do when a loved ones comes out to us as LGBTQ? The biggest thing I want you to remember if a friend or family member comes out to you as LGBTQ is that no matter what your beliefs or feelings are about them being queer is, they just did a really brave thing.  The other important thing I want you to realize is that they have honored you and your relationship with them by essentially saying, I want you to know me.  They could just as easily continue to not tell you who they really are and eventually choose to be distant from you.  I also want to acknowledge that you dear ..read more

Planning a Wedding Without an Affirming Family as an LGBTQ Person is All Kinds of things. They say planning your wedding is one of the most exciting times of your life. It’s a day that many of us have dreamt of since we were children. A day that is solely about celebrating love and unity. That’s true no matter what your orientation is, LGBTQ, straight, or somewhere in between. When we say yes to marrying someone it’s because we want to spend our lives with that person and as a gay person. I want to spend my life with Jess. It’s the most natural desire in the world to want your family there to ..read more

So really, does the Bible condemn Homosexuality? The short answer, or those who like the cliff notes version, No. Ultimately the Bible does not condemn homosexuality. Wait, you want an explanation, don’t you? In that case, here we go! The LGBTQ+ community has been demonized by greater American society for a long time. From the Hays Code enacted in 1934 (which prohibited any sort of same-gender acts in cinema) to the response to the AIDS pandemic in the 1980s and 1990s, the LGBTQ+ community has always been on the marginalized side of things. While we have come farther in terms of greater societ ..read more

Dating as a QUEER CHRISTIAN I have said this before and I will say it again: there has never been an easier time in history to be a queer Christian. One tangible thing I can point to that shows me times are changing and our lives are getting easier is the very existence of Believr—a dating app specifically designed for LGBTQ Christians—this type of matchmaking service would have been unheard of even five years ago. With the recent launch of an LGBTQ Christian dating app, let’s take a moment today on The Christian Closet blog to talk about dating. Life really can be so much more fun when it’s s ..read more