One of the best things about mentoring the Radical Mentoring way is commencement. We used to call it graduation. But graduation says, “I’m done.” Commencement says, “I’m beginning.” Just as Jesus sent out His mentees, commencement starts a new phase. So, what begins for the mentee at commencement? As mentors, here are four things we want them to be intentionally thinking about and building a plan around as we wrap up our mentoring season… Accountability is now self-imposed. “For the last nine to twelve months it’s been a built-in part of the group. The discipline of reading a book and nettin ..read more

I recently listened to a podcast where psychologist and forgiveness expert Everett Worthington discussed a profoundly personal incident surrounding the murder of his mother. He notes that the murderer went through the home and broke every mirror in the house because he could no longer look and not see himself as a murderer. While we may not be murderers, this story resonated with me nonetheless and reminded me of how many of us allow the messages of guilt and shame to cloud the mirrors we peer into every day. Our reflections scream “addict,” “failure,” “fat,” “stupid,” amongst countless other ..read more

I’m regularly asked if the Story Retreat matters. I hear things like, “My mentees are busy…” “We don’t have time to get out of town…” I also often hear from leaders that the Story Retreat was the most formative thing that happened in their groups. Their mentees share things like, “I’ve never told anyone this before…” “I thought I was the only one…” Confession time. In one of my mentoring groups, instead of doing a Story Retreat, I spread their stories over our first three months of meetings…and I had serious regrets. Yes, all my mentees shared their stories and heard everyone else’s stories, b ..read more

Leaders are people who have influence and use it for a purpose. And the amount of influence they have often correlates with the consistency between their walk and their talk. Leaders who say one thing and do another have only authority to lean on. Their influence will be minimal, if not negative. But the best ones know who they are, where they’re going, and why. Think about the people who’ve influenced you. I bet they showed most, if not all, of these characteristics… Curiosity – Leaders have an insatiable hunger to learn, so they have more to share and give. Disciples are learners and fo ..read more

One of the distinguishing characteristics of Radical Mentoring is the requirement that everyone attends every meeting and shows up on time. Like many things, this was born of one motive but then morphed with a wonderful but unintended consequence. In the beginning, I didn’t think it was fair for me, the mentor, to go through all the trouble of opening up my home, buying books, printing homework handouts, and preparing to facilitate a three-hour conversation only to have mentees not show. I’d experienced that repeatedly in Sunday school classes and other small groups. I’d felt taken advant ..read more

I came across the following scenario in James Clear’s book Atomic Habits. Say you’re a smoker but desperately want to break the habit. You’re standing outside, and someone offers you a cigarette. How do you respond? Do you say, “No, thanks, I’m trying to quit.” Or do you respond, “No, thanks, I’m not a smoker.” Clear concludes that the first response comes from a person who believes they’re still a smoker trying to become someone else, while the second response comes from someone with a core belief that smoking is something they did in the past. Which of these two people is more likely to quit ..read more

Interpreters take information from one context and turn it into usable, helpful information in another.  Parents are interpreters. They help their kids interpret what’s happening around them. Kids come into the world without a clue, but they start asking questions as soon as they can talk. “What does this do, Dad?” “What does that mean, Mom?” Parents use their knowledge, experience, and language to help kids understand the world around them. All along the way, they get better and better at interpreting things for themselves. As the kids become more aware of relationships, they start carin ..read more

When something is hard to understand, incredibly complex, high powered with high potential, it usually takes an example or application or utility for it to be understood. When the guys at Bell Labs invented the transistor, almost nobody grasped its significance until the transistor radio showed up. It embodied the transistor and made the radio smaller, more portable, cheaper, and better. In many ways, the internet was like that too. Initially, it was a concept useful only to scientists and researchers…until Google, Yahoo, and Facebook. They embodied the internet and put the reality of its powe ..read more

Time Management + Money Management + Image Management = Identity How we manage our time, money, and image is a good indicator of what matters most to us. If we want to get to know someone without spending time with them, we could look at three things: their calendar, their bank and credit card statements, and their social media. Think about it… Time: Are they at church or the baseball field on Sunday mornings in the summer? Does work travel compete with family commitments? If so, who wins? Money: How does golf or eating-out spending compare to giving? If they give, what does that mon ..read more

As many people mourn the death of Tim Keller, I wanted to share five of the most challenging and meaningful insights I took from his book, The Meaning of Marriage, co-written with his wife, Kathy. Together they modeled Godly marriage for 48 years. “Marriage is glorious but hard. It’s a burning joy and strength, and yet it is also blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats, and exhausting victories.” “If we look to our spouses to fill up our tanks in a way that only God can do, we are demanding an impossibility.” “Sex in a marriage, done to give joy rather than to impress, can change your ..read more