The following is the first chapter by Dan Blair in a new book by Iaan Carlson, Experiencing Revival: It Starts With Me. Suffering and evil in the world have been a major obstacle to belief in God. Some cannot imagine allowing their child to hurt as much as God allows His children to hurt. The rationale for suffering and evil is often that we deserve it, and that it’s the price of free will, or that God will use it to do good. Regarding our deserving of it, the Bible does say we are not righteous, and it is not our righteousness that will get us into heaven, or escape pain entirely. Also, we d ..read more

By Dan Blair, marriage and family therapist The three top things I hear about from clients (and I wish I knew almost 20 years ago) all relate to stepfamily loyalty binds, losses, and limit setting. We all go into a new marriage with high expectations that this one will be better than the last one, with many lessons learned. Unexpected stressors though, often fall into one of these three categories. Loyalty binds can make it difficult for a stepchild to connect to a step parent. What one may think is a child not wanting a relationship with you, may actually be the child not wanting to like you ..read more

Photo by cottonbro studio By Dan Blair, marriage therapist and family counselor Should we just say, “It’s complicated?” According to the CDC, homicide is a third leading cause of death among people ages 15 to 19 years old in the United States. This alarming fact underscores the importance of addressing teen violence. The most common correlations appear to be the frequest experience of abuse or extensive bullying, and exposure to violence in the home or community. In addition to a history of maltreatment there is evidence of devaluation that comes from others, either in the home, school or com ..read more

It may take two to resolve conflict, but all each person can do, is control themselves instead of trying to change or control the other person. Have you noticed, trying to get the other person to agree with you in an argument often creates more resistance? Unresolved conflict can make you frustrated and even leave you feeling alone, inadequate, or rejected. This is why people are uncomfortable with disagreements, and they are willing to argue. People argue because they feel they need the other person to agree. So what’s the problem? When fight or flight is involved in a discussion, either one ..read more

  By Dan Blair, marriage and family counselor Minute Mood is an app that I developed to help my wife and I communicate on a deeper level. We have demanding jobs, we had lots of kids, and the time it takes to communicate on a deeper level was just not available. We were too tired to talk.  To keep us from drifting apart or even get resentful toward one another, I wanted to keep the lines of communication open. Especially if we’re extra stressed, or upset with each other, this was a way to reconnect without even sitting down to talk. Now I hope this app actually makes sitting down to ..read more

Is empathy really necessary? It can be unnatural, even awkward. Maybe you don’t feel you need it yourself. Here are some common questions about empathy. Why is empathy important in relationships? Research shows that empathy is foundational to a strong bond in relationships. Empathy can help you to become more aware of your and your partner’s feelings and experiences, experience less fear or tension around starting meaningful conversations, build more connection and less emotional neglect, create a sense of feeling seen & heard, and offer more stability in your relationship. Can romantic lo ..read more

Kids today are dealing with a whole host of pressures and stress. As a parent, you teach your child how to take care of their body and how to use their manners — but teaching them to care for their own mental health can be more difficult. Still, it’s an important skill to pass on to the next generation. Blair Counseling and Mediation presents some tips that can help you introduce self-care into your and your family’s lives. Creating a Peaceful Home Environment When you live day to day in a peaceful place, it helps your mind stay at peace as well. There are many ways to make your home’s atmosp ..read more

Find out more! Minute Mood helps you & your partner communicate how you’re feeling without saying a single word. You want a way to stay connected and maintain consistent communication when life is busy. Being understood by your partner lets you know you’re cared for and appreciated.  And just like that, empathy can flourish and you don’t have to feel alone – even when you’re together. What if strengthening your relationship was as simple as a minute of journaling per day? Research shows that empathy is foundational to a strong bond within relationships. Using the Minute Mood App when ..read more

Find out more! Create a journal with a partner “I wish we were closer.” “I wish I knew what she was thinking.” “He should know what I want. It doesn’t do any good if I have to ask for it.” Researchers found marriages are strengthened through cognitive empathy, or perspective-taking – how accurately one partner understands the other partner’s emotions. Staying connected through attunement prevents the deterioration of a relationship when stressed. Unfortunately, life gets in the way with its stressors, negative communication patterns, and lack of time and energy. While the benefits of journal ..read more

Mark Vroegop in his book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy acknowledged that sad situations sometimes don’t get better. Problems don’t always get solved. Conflict doesn’t get fixed. Children die, couples divorce, and senseless tragedies occur both in our lives and in our world. He observes that we go on managing our life like jugglers spinning plates on long sticks. When we feel utterly overwhelmed, we comfort ourselves and/or try to escape. For example, soaking in the tub, splurging on a new dress, sweating on the treadmill, or heading to the mountains for the weekend. We smile and say we are trusting ..read more