Anyone a New Girl fan? There is a scene that lives rent free in my mind. It’s my Roman Empire. Jess, the lead female of the show, is being grumpily scrutinized by Nick, another lead character. He storms into her room, dissecting everything he claims “needs to change”. From her gigantic ball of yarn, to her night peanuts (there is a distinction), to her un-sexy vintage purses, their discourse is quite hilarious. However, one thing he dislikes is her box of “metal toothpicks.” When she corrects him, he continues to be over-dramatic, shouting “you need bobby’s pins to put your hair up?!” Classic ..read more

I’m on an Andrew Scott kick at the moment. I’ve even just paid to watch Vanya in theaters for way more money than I’d pay for a usual ticket. Most recently, my heart was torn open by his performance in All of Us Strangers. I won’t give too much away, but he encounters his neighbor played by Paul Mescal (also, obsessed), who listens as Andrew’s character talks about his late parents. They’d passed away in a devastating car accident when he was a young boy. Paul apologizes for this. “It was a long time ago,” Andrew says. Paul’s reply shattered me. “I don’t think that matters.” This March will b ..read more

The synchronicities in life will always bring me joy. They remind me that the universe is on our side. For the past month, ever since writing my last entry, I’ve been self-medicating. That usually looks like a dose of burying my head into projects and work where I can use my powers that be to help other people in order to detach from thinking about myself. I allowed almost every moment of my break to be littered with storyboarding for Still Preventable, as well as researching and writing a piece of work I’d never imaged myself writing — a PhD proposal. The academic jargon is nauseatingly prete ..read more

Today I learned the difference between transparency and vulnerability. I start this by saying that there is so much noise in my head, so I must write. If I do not, my thoughts will continue to devour me whole. There really is no place to begin or end, only that I start pouring. Awhile ago, I wrote that I’m an idealist, a romantic, and that you should go after what you want even if it means falling on your gorgeous face. I meant every word. And so, here I am… on my bloodied face. It hurts down here, on the floor. I’ve cried a lot, which isn’t easy to admit, but I think it’s important. Anyone wh ..read more

On my tram ride home last night, I found a post on social media that really summed up the tightness in my chest. I’ve been battling with persistently worsening eye and neck skin issues for the past two to three weeks, not knowing when it will end or why it’s even rampant in the first place. These weary eyes just want sleep all of the time, no matter how much rest they’ve been given. I don’t excessively party or abuse my body. She knows how much I’v tried caring for her over these last eight to ten years. It’s like picking at a weed but never finding the root. I’ve never had a green thumb, so ..read more

I’ve barely had time to sit and think this past month, at least not about myself. Between interviews and travels, to notes and organization, to schedule conflicts, cancellations, and plain bad luck, having a moment to just breathe has turned into a luxury. This past week, especially, has felt heavy. I wake up every morning to conflict — something to fix. I look at my ever growing list of responsibilities but can’t seem to check off more than gets added on. My skin has also played up a bit. I am due my shot, yet the stresses and food choices definitely invited some rashes to arise. I am not pan ..read more

I’m sitting in an airport while writing this. To say I am exhausted is an understatement. At Day 10 of this trip, I didn’t expect to feel this way. I knew the fatigue would set in, but not this feeling of anxiety and worry.  I remember feeling this intense purpose while on my first trip. There was nothing left for me to lose. Because of that, there was a sense of freedom in what I was trying to accomplish. The goal was simply advocacy. There was a room waiting for me once I was home, plus a job and family.  This time around, the circumstances are vastly different. The pressure is on ..read more

I stumbled across a quote yesterday that said “I want somebody to love me.” I immediately thought about Josephine March from Little Women. It’s the scene where she is pacing in the attic of her childhood home, her mother watching. Upon learning that Laurie is accompanying her sister back home, Jo clings to her loneliness and wonders if she’d made a mistake in turning down his affection. Astutely, her mother asks if she loves Laurie. “I care more to be loved. I want to be loved,” Jo stammers. Without missing a beat, her mother states, “That’s not the same as loving.” Completely on the opposite ..read more

We all may be walking beside each other, but our stories are never the same. Name: Jess Age: 46 Work: Programme Manager Date of Withdrawal: January 2022 What type(s) of steroids did you use?  Hydrocortisone, Dermovate, Prednisolone (oral steroid) Are you on any other medication? No Do you have a supportive doctor? Yes, but they are on the fence about TSW What is/was your favorite comfort product? Dead Sea salt baths, ice packs What is the hardest thing you’ve had to endure during your withdrawal? My face was badly affected in the first 6 months. I had a hideous thick crust a ..read more

We all may be walking beside each other, but our stories are never the same. Name: Agi Age: 35 Work: Customer Care Agent Date of Withdrawal: October 18, 2021 What type(s) of steroids did you use?  Hydracortisone, Betamethasone, Clobetasol, Prednisone Are you on any other medication? Thyroid tablets Do you have a supportive doctor? No What is/was your favorite comfort product? Balmonds skin salvation, Sorion Cream What is the hardest thing you’ve had to endure during your withdrawal? Sleepless nights, constant pain, itching, and very intense nerve twitching (the latter, the h ..read more