Sunny and UJ are a fun, semi-retired couple in Clearwater and they like to dabble in real estate. Hi. I’m Sunny. I’m much younger than my husband and haven’t touched or even seen his penis in years.  And I’m UJ. I firmly believe that women should never participate in natural childbirth because it destroys their resale value.  Now that you know all about us, let’s learn about this week’s listings! This one is fully wired for telephone service. Just plug one in and start talking! We don’t necessarily know that this house is for sale, but that doesn’t mean it necessarily isn’t. This ..read more

Jeff Jeffleston a gay man in St. Petersburg finds himself an outsider to the local gay community because of a crippling case of dyslexia.  “Yeah, Jeff would show up at clubs and special Pride events wearing this rainbow shirt that has all the right colors but in the wrong order,” says Robert Robwell, another gay man in St. Petersburg who is very active in the community. “Some people thought he was trying to be funny and got mad about it. Then we found out he’s dyslexic but it’s still weird. And off-putting. Nobody wants him around.” “Oh wait, were you expecting a joke about not being abl ..read more

George Gorwidge, a gynecologist operating from a clinic in South Tampa has had his professional accreditation revoked due to having short, stubby fingers. “This sucks,” said Dr. Gorwidge. “I took all my classes. Graduated with honors. I’m a good doctor. So my fingers are kind of thick. How is that a problem if I do good work?” “I don’t see the problem,” said Melissa Rawrher, a former patient. “He does a fine job with those little sausages. I hate that I have to find a new provider.” “Yeah, maybe. But look at these beauties,” said Dr. Peter Falangeston, a member of the state board who voted to ..read more

Ben Slanders, a douchebag from St. Petersburg, recently went to a church bingo game in Pinellas Park for the sole purpose of hearing the number O 69 called out. He convinced three friends to come with him to capture him on video yelling, “NICE!” in response and putting it on Tik Tok. None of them actually paid to play the games presented by the church, with an undetermined portion of the proceeds designated “to help sick kids”.  “There was an old man there who yelled ‘bingo’ after they called the very first number of the very first game, and that got quite a few laughs. So the comedy bar ..read more

Because we’re in Tampa, a city known for its many strip clubs and President Biden was in town yesterday, we are obligated by certain satire guidelines to post this obvious story. I mean, the joke is right there. Protocol dictates that there is a minimum standard of irreverence to be shown toward political leaders and if we didn’t post AT LEAST a hastily Photoshopped picture of the President of the United States at the Mons Venus, we could have our parody license suspended, maybe even revoked, even though the White House sends us a Christmas card every year, which we sincerely appreciate. Anyb ..read more

Visitors to and residents of Tampa’s toney Water Street district will now have one less thing that could potentially hinder their experience: crying babies. “This area is for hot, young, single professionals. Who would even want one of those things around, crying or not?” reasoned resident Amanda Howitzer, before adding, “Ugh. Gross.” If someone wants to bring their ankle-biting unfortunate mistake with them to dine at one of the many al fresco dining spots available, it will be mandatory to fit it with a collar, provided free-of-charge by the property management company, that delivers a prob ..read more

The moon is enjoying its highest public profile since NASA’s Apollo mission program in the 1960s and 70s. “The moon has always had a cult following, with romantic stroll enthusiasts and werewolves,” said Jason Kruzenschwanzhe, a Hollywood agent based here in Tampa for some reason. “Our goal has been to broaden that appeal to the mainstream and I think we’re getting there.” “The moon is easily my biggest client, speaking in terms of sheer mass and gravitational pull,” he said. “So you’d better believe I’m going to do everything possible to represent my client to the best of my ability.” The mo ..read more

Denise Dahl of Dunedin is dealing with the aftermath of finding out there are very few eligibility requirements that prevent her from being selected to serve on the jury for former President Donald Trump’s imminent criminal trial. “I examined the list and I check A LOT of the boxes,” she said. “The only main one that disqualifies me is that I don’t live in New York, which, thank God for that.” “I always thought I had pretty extreme political opinions and that would keep me safe but apparently I’m dangerously moderate,” she added.  She said the fact that she’s at risk for so many factors ..read more

We get it, okay. You had a baby and that’s awesome for you. We conducted an extensive phone survey of residents in the greater Tampa Bay area, and no one cares.  Busch Gardens insists that their baby actually is special, because it’s an endangered Bornean orangutan. Bornean orangutans are the largest tree-dwelling species of ape and found exclusively on the island of Borneo. But people will only like so many pictures of the same baby before they just keep scrolling in the future.  In the early days of Busch Gardens, it was all about beer and questionable safety regulations regarding ..read more

A new round of controversy is surrounding the recently unveiled statue of former president John F. Kennedy depicted moments after assassination. But the reason might surprise you.  The controversy stems from the sculptor of the piece, Alan Lincoln. Controversy began when internet sleuths discovered that Mr. Lincoln actually shared a birthday with a former secretary of President Kennedy.  Furthermore, both the sculptor’s last name “Lincoln” and the former president’s last name “Kennedy” both have seven letters. Combined with the fact that construction on the sculpture began in Novemb ..read more