Lessons From Nikki “Are you acquainted with autism?” the developmental specialist asked my wife, Anita, and me as we sat anxiously in his office. We had been aware that our 10-month-old daughter, Nikki, was not developing like other children her age. We had never been given such a specific diagnosis, however, and it hit us like a tidal wave. As Anita fled the room in tears, I frantically began asking questions which I knew probably had no answer. “Will she ever talk?” “Will she ever be able to live independently?” Nikki’s diagnosis shattered our expectations for our first child’s life. We ..read more

Overcoming Male Shame The toughest challenge I have experienced in my life is ridding myself of the pervasive shame I have experienced from my childhood. Although my father was viewed as a saint by many because of his passion for creating world peace, he did not demonstrate his benevolence on the home front. He frequently criticized my mother for all her perceived faults and sometimes yelled at her for hours without pause. I was deeply ashamed of my father’s behavior and grew up terrified that I would turn out like him. Despite my fears, I developed a bad temper and would inevitably ..read more

Please Join Me In My Stream of Inner Peace I feel very grateful to have found a portal I can use to experience a compelling sense of inner peace. I want to share it with you in the hopes that you can join me in my serenity regardless of what is going on around you in the outside world. I simply visualize that my psyche is a mountain. At the top is the thinking part of my brain, in the middle are my feelings and at the bottom is my subconscious and all the other parts of my mind that lurk around outside of my active awareness. Running underneath and through this mountain is an inviting str ..read more

A Visualization For Inner Peace And Happiness By Nate Terrell, LCSW Do you join me in doing any of the following: Take on the responsibility for other people’s happiness Feel the pain of everyone around you Base your self-worth on how others view or treat you Worry about whether other people like you Often get your feelings hurt      If so, take a couple of deep breaths and visualize that you live in a town in the desert surrounded by a fence where everyone’s identity is completely based on their relationships rather than their internal world.      ..read more

The Portals Into Self-Compassion I grew up in a Quaker family where I was taught to serve others and consequently became a social worker which has brought great meaning into my life. However, until recently, I was never as good to myself as I was to others. As a result, I often felt depleted and even “burned out.” Fortunately, I listened to the wisdom of my teenage son and began to take better care of myself and treat myself with the same compassion I had for others. I was gratified to discover that my efforts filled me with an abundance of happiness and inner peace I could pass onto othe ..read more

We Are All Inherently Worthwhile If you do not feel worthwhile, you may suffer from depression, torment yourself with self-criticism and/or lack the confidence you need to get where you want to in your life.  You may feel unworthy because: 1)  Your parents or caretakers treated you as if you were not lovable during your formative years As a result, you may have developed the perception that something was wrong with you, failing to realize that the uncaring treatment you received was caused by your parent’s unhappiness, emotional limitations, etc. rather than ..read more

Give Yourself the Gift of Inner Peace You probably experience some level of stress as you grapple to overcome the challenges you face and meet your responsibilities. In fact, you may believe that you need this stress to motivate you to accomplish your goals or make the changes you want in your life. However, this is not the case. Stress only depletes your energy and serves no purpose outside of dangerous situations when your limbic system automatically becomes activated to help you protect yourself. I learned this experientially many years ago when my wife and I attended a treatment progr ..read more

The Magic of Total Appreciation Most of us know that a major portal to happiness is to appreciate the good things in our lives.  Whether we are marveling at the unconditional love our dogs give us, the comfort of pulling the blankets up to our neck on a cold winter’s night or the joy of reconnecting to an old friend, our ability to bask in life’s pleasures significantly improves the quality of our precious time on this earth.  I recently enjoyed a lecture by Dr. Rick Hanson, who wrote the best-selling book, Hardwiring Happiness:  The New Brain Science of Contentme ..read more

It is Not Selfish to Be Self-Compassionate When I tell people I have written a book on achieving self-compassion, they often ask, “Isn’t it selfish to be self-compassionate?” I always respond that there is nothing selfish about being our own best friend, knowing we are inherently worthy, choosing happiness or enjoying the present moment, which are the cornerstones of self-compassion. In contrast to self-compassion which is simply about treating ourselves well, selfishness is about being self-centered and meeting our needs at the expense of others. Selfish people put themselves first and a ..read more

Would Someone Please Ask Me A Question? After the birth of our daughter, Nikki, my wife I and experienced many different reactions to the fact that she had “special needs.” People often told us that they couldn’t deal with the challenges we faced which left us wondering what they would do instead. Others broke off contact with us because (as they later told us) they didn’t know what to say. Because our energy was focused on trying to figure out how to best help Nikki, we rarely socialized. However, we did venture out to a family holiday party and I had a highly unique experience. My cousi ..read more