You see me traveling and giving speeches to pharmacutical companies and researchers or givinf presentations to advocates and cancer patients, or talking to Congress and you might think that means in a confident person or someone that has some self confidence and don’t deal with insecurities in certain aspects of life. I can tell you that its the opposite. Insecurity- A uncertainty or anxiety about oneself I have a lot of insecurities about myself from my health to my looks to my role in life and advocacy to about how I act and if im a good friend family member or person and multitude of oth ..read more

Life is really tough at times even if nobody else see it, or sees or understands how tough it is for you, don’t make it any easier for you to get through the day. When I talk about this everyone automatically goes to my cancer, but it’s so much more complicated and detailed but yet different than most can understand because we are unique in ourselves. Some mornings are just bad and tough in ways that are hard to describe, they happen without warning and can come with a wave that makes the day feel impossible. There are mornings when before my eyes even open im ready for the day to be over ..read more

This past weekend I had the opportunity to travel to one of if not my favorite city Chicago to attend a event I participated in through Twist out cancer called brushes with cancer I was paired with a amazing artist who created a peice off our conversations about life cancer and more. I also got to spend the weekend with my best friend a friend that cancer brought us into each others lives but a true and beautiful friendship way deeper and beyond cancer grew. I wanted to talk more in detail about the weekend than I was able to on a post. I’ll have links to twist out cancer brushes with cancer a ..read more

I have talked about the overall and the physical journey I’ve took through rounds of chemo but as my rounds get more and more the physical journey is harder but similar it’s the mental journey and mental health that is taking a whole new level. 147 is the number of rounds of chemo, immunotherapy and every combination you can imagine of those drugs I’ve endured and survived to still be here today. It’s a number that shocks people leaves them unable to process and especially unable grasp what it’s like even those in my cancer communities. This is my experience my truth my unfiltered mental journ ..read more

When I started this whole cancer thing a few days before the very first round of chemo I went to a required learning session kinda thing they make us do before every new chemo cocktail you do, a long with a official appointment with my oncologist where I learned what chemo id be on and that I’d do 12 rounds of chemo and then hopefully be cancer free. I thought how bad could 12 rounds be if anything, and no matter how rough it was I could do that. That was the plan and clearly it didn’t go perfectly. Chemo round 144 it’s hard to put into words and thoughts but let’s try. What was supposed to b ..read more

It’s hard to believe it’s the end of another year, 2023 you have definitely been a year some good some bad some great experiences some horrible ones all in all I guess that is what life is in a nutshell. So I figured I could go back and talk about some of my year the highlights of course the dark times and low places as well and talk about where I’m at right now heading into 2024 and year 9 of this damn life with cancer thing. To start off 2023 was a year I had some incredible opportunities and experiences that I most likely will never have again, I know there are so many people out there wit ..read more

Sometimes it is almost impossible for me to find words that correctly describes or paints the right image of what I’m going through feeling and just my overall place in this thing called life. Today and these last few weeks have definitely been one of those times and as the words escape me to truly encompass where I’m at mentally physically emotionally I feel it’s fitting to say I feel lost in almost every sense of the word What exactly do I mean when I say I feel lost because it can mean so many things and honestly it’s complex feelings and emotions that I’m wrestling with. On one hand I’m n ..read more

3000 days 98 months 428 weeks 72,000 hours since September 4 2015. That is how long I’ve been living with Colorectal Cancer it started as stage 2 a year later June 2016 it went to terminal stage 4 and been that ever since and will be that forever more, so why talk about 3000 days? 3000 days is a huge milestone something to be proud of, many times I thought I was about to die and I never could of dreamed to see 2023 or 8 years much less 3000 days. I want to be honest though and talk about what my life is now like after 3000 days, the hell these 3000 days put on me, also the good the bad the ha ..read more

I’m writing this as I sit on the cold tile bathroom floor im in-between hugging that toilet due to the nausea I know so many are so familiar with the day after infusions. I Am Tired today but what does that mean in my life? In the life of a cancer patient? Of a stage 4 incurable terminal cancer patient? A guy who just did his 140th round of chemo yesterday? Let me see if I can put it into words We all hear the word tired so often but what really does I Am Tired really mean to me as a 8+ year terminal cancer patient. Everyone walking on this rock in space has a different idea and different exp ..read more

Is being grateful even possible after everything I’ve been through the cancer at 27 the reoccurrence the incurable diagnosis the terminal the chemo for life 138 an counting the 75 days in the hospital countless procedures and more. Some days I’m not sure others I am overcome and see so much to be grateful and impacted by. But today even with everything going on im hoping to show this grateful feeling is possible even when going through absolute hell. Sitting after an indescribable weekend with over 100 men all impacted with this thing called cancer but now it has been back to real world an li ..read more