I watched the news last night. No, not SABC TV news. Real news.  I sat up when the reporter asked his guest who he thought would be Ideal to mediate in the conflict between israel and iran. 'Well, that would be South Africa', I thought. I was outraged when there was no mention of the beloved country. What with our host of talented diplomats and statespeople.  I immediately dashed off a letter, accusing those concerned of racism, capitalist, imperialist tendencies and a few other choice maladies.  What the heck! Do we not have influence in high places?  Did we not d ..read more

Dear Mister Zuma. I wish to make an appointment, please.  Should I go through Dudu? I am sure that I will find her on X. She probably still calls it Twitter. She still calls you President Zuma, even though it's been a while. I know that you are a man of the people. I am one of the people.  You see, sir, I have long desired a career in politics. I have been held back by a lack of confidence. However, now that I see your excellency, Julius,  Dr Ace,  Mr Manyi and others romping in the green fields of the South African political landscape, I am encouraged. Anyone  can b ..read more

 Good news for the Christian church in South Africa. There is a massive spiritual awakening among honourable members. They are attending church services in droves. Even leading singing and preaching inspirational sermons.  Who better than those who have lived shining lives of humble service to the people?  In whose mouths a lie dare not dwell. Whose fingers have never caressed a ten rand note earned dishonestly. I wish that I could attend such services. Just the notion raises the gooseflesh on my arms. Could this be the longed-for revival? Surely things are looking up for ..read more

Remember when the president said that we should look on the bright side of loadshedding?   An oxymoron if ever I heard one. A friend said that it was uttered by a ...., but I stopped him before he could go any further.  This was of the 'your broken leg is hurting now, but you'll appreciate it all the more when it's healed' school of philosophy. I do think that South Africans should appreciate Eskom more. They've torn us away from television and the plethora of electronic gadgets around us. We have time to Be Present. Time to contemplate the meaning of life  - under ANC ru ..read more

ANC Youth League leader Collen Malatji says “the ANC pays you for being born, pays you for living, pays you to go to school, pays you to go to university and gives your mother water and electricity”. Dear Mr Malatji I see that I have been horribly shortchanged. Could I please have my payment now for being born. I have checked my Capitec savings account several times since reading your uplifting message, but, so far, nothing, nada. dololo. Are you sure that you guys have the correct account details? I've included them below, just in case your database is not up to date. That would be a surpr ..read more

Dear Mr Putin Congratulations on winning a tough, grinding election battle. That was close. I am satisfied that your elections are as free and fair as the ones held in Zimbabwe.  I understand that the other three candidates gave you a run for your money. Our ANC government is facing opposition from some two hundred or so parties (we don't play here). Fortunately, their supporters are just as blindly..., pardon, solidly, loyal as yours. It's something to see unforced loyalty based on affection, respect and recognition of a track record of integrity,  honourable behaviour and compete ..read more

How did I come to have dozens of MK followers on TikTok? I was praised as a wise man, a legend and other honorifics that would have had me blushing, were I still able to blush. The reason for this outpouring of praise? This excerpt from a blog post: 'Dear Mr Zuma My heartfelt thanks for your wisdom and guidance.  I was on the verge of making a terrible mistake at the polling station.  I understand that you said that a vote for the ANC is a vote for WMC.  Now, I mistakenly thought that a vote for the DA was a vote for WMC.  Ah,  but now I see it clearly. A vote for ..read more

Dear Mr Visvin Reddy People are so wicked and irresponsible. But then you know that already, don't you?Apparently, devious persons unknown tampered with your speech, somehow editing the video. I believe you. I do not know you but you look the sort of mature, reasonable type who wouldn't spew out that sort of horse manure. I don't know much about the law but it all sounded rather threatening and bordering on, or crossing over into, incitement to violence. Talk of civil war and preventing South Africans from voting! You do know, of course, that that makes less sense than a bout of flatulence ..read more

Dear Mr Zuma  I am so glad that your star is on the rise - for now. I paid rapt attention to your recent speech, which made Churchill look like a fumbling, primary school debater. You manfully tackled the use of Roman Dutch law in South Africa. Look at what the Romans and the Dutch did in times past. Not exactly exemplary behaviour, looting, raiding. None of that has ever happens here. I find all that stuff about 'audi alterem partem' most unnecessary and irritating. Take the 'Nemo Judex in causa sua' principle.  Really! Who better to judge your cases than you yourself? Who knows ..read more

We know that voting in South Africa has nothing to do with common sense, reason or even previous experience. It has even less to do with the survival of our country. Buggerall to do with national security.  There's no point in talking sense when it comes to elections and voting.  So here's the bizarre Alice in Wonderland truth. If you want a government that has proven skills in stealing, blundering, exquisite BS and the ability to destroy a country faster than our Zimbabwean friends, then your choice is easy and clear.  The comrades are ready, willing and able to deliver. Bu ..read more