I’m in the process of writing a book on the single life, geared towards men but accessible to women as well. I am using the blog as a starting point, but I’m doing substantial rewriting of everything. I am also adding a lot of new content. I plan to self-publish on amazon and keep the pricing low. I am not sure how long it will take me to finish, but I’ll let you know when ..read more

I have a long list of reasons why I’m single, but I’m going to give you the top six.  I’ve written in detail about some of this elsewhere, so I’ll keep it brief. Consider this a summary statement.     I am not presenting this as an “objective” list of why long-term romantic relationships (LTRs) are “bad.”  They aren’t.  I’ve enjoyed LTRs, and I’m well aware that most men find great value in them.  I ..read more

“In order to be intimate with another, one must first be willing to be intimate with oneself, and any addiction, regardless of what it is, is an avoidance of intimacy with the self.”  – Anne Wilson Schaef, Escape From Intimacy. Strangely, romantic relationships can function as an addiction no less powerful than drugs or alcohol.  Doubly strange is that many of the people who hold up intimate relationships as the ultimate value in life are ..read more

I’m 62. I’ve been retired for 5 years now and a committed bachelor for 15. In my view, retirement holds a special appeal for the single man, and it also entails several challenges.  I want to describe those and offer some suggestions along the way.  I won’t cover the financial aspects of retirement – plenty of people are doing that already. I want to look at the more psychological, interpersonal, and existential aspects. Freedom For ..read more

This will sound snooty, but one of the reasons I’m single by choice is that none of the available women in my age range and area meet my standards.  I don’t mean that they are bad people, or that they wouldn’t make fine friends or colleagues.  I mean that they are not a good fit for a serious, long-term relationship (LTR) with me.   I assume that most people reading this blog are not looking for ..read more

If you’re single, you will “die alone.”  You’ve probably heard that message, either directly or through the media.  Maybe you’ve conjured up the image yourself: dying alone in a sterile hospital room, lonely and unloved, or dying alone in your apartment, days passing before anyone discovers your body.  Oh, the shame, the post-mortem shame. Years ago, I was on an online forum. I said that I wasn’t interested in getting married or having kids.  Knowing ..read more

Everyone knows the importance of believing in your ability to achieve goals and persisting despite adversity.  Let’s take that for granted. I want to talk about the flip side — about the times when it is best to give up. Sometimes, the wisest course is to drop a goal, walk away, and invest your energy elsewhere. Specifically, let’s talk about the times when it might be best to give up on relationships – not any ..read more

We don’t get self-esteem by blowing ourselves kisses in the mirror.  I tried; it doesn’t work.  Building self-esteem (or “self-respect,” if you prefer) requires work, and it requires a certain kind of work, specific practices.  I will describe two of those practices in this piece and three in the next.   These practices emerge not from my posterior but from decades of reading and experience, personal and professional.  I will focus on the part we ..read more

The more seriously you dedicate yourself to personal growth, the less likely you will find yourself in a good romantic relationship.  I’ll explain why, but first let me clarify what I’m talking about.   By “personal growth” or “self-development,” I am referring to psychological, intellectual, and spiritual learning and growth.  I’m not talking about building a career or muscles.  I’m talking about internal development.     Secondly, I’m speaking about people who are seriously dedicated to ..read more

I’ll use myself as an example. When I was younger, I saw women not just as physically beautiful and alluring (which of course they were), but as set apart, set above. Special, mysterious, elevated. They knew about intimacy and love. They held the golden key and would decide whether I was worthy. Needless to say, this set me up for all kinds of problems. I couldn’t connect with them, for starters. How could I? I ..read more