I don't know about you, but my confidence level fluctuates drastically. Confidence has always been my biggest problem. Everyone telling me "You just need to be more confident!" just never worked for me. Actually, my inability to feel more confident with the supportive words of others made me feel worse. Why is it so hard? I would honestly trade this shortcoming for any other deficiency. I would rather hear, "You need to improve your cues as a conductor" or "You need to explain yourself more clearly." I can fix those.  By contrast, confidence is this elusive thing. You either have it or ..read more

In a leader's journey, it is important to increase our awareness. What does that actually mean? Awareness means we gain information. We become conscious. We see something different. It's amazing how much our attitudes and behaviors can change simply by seeing something we've never seen before. This can be about the world, others, or ourselves. In fact, it's hard to unsee it and we're deeply changed as a result. That's the power of awareness. In my own journey, I have found Michael Bungay Stanier's three-part framework helpful. He organizes awareness into three types - situation-aware, other ..read more

I wonder how many of us actually feel belonging in our musical organizations? First, it's crucial to differentiate affiliation from belonging. They are not the same thing. Affiliation is a label, and it is external. Belonging is a feeling, and it is internal. No amount of being told "you belong" in words can make us feel like we truly belong in our hearts. You can be affiliated with an orchestra by holding a position there. At the same time, you may not feel like you belong, for example, if you don't feel like your colleagues have your back. It is so easy for us to mistake affiliation for b ..read more

I loved hearing in a conversation that a leader's job is "to be a trustee of others' time." It's simple and pretty obvious, but painfully transparent when put into those words. Musicians trust conductors and arts leaders with their time. Even if they don't actively think it or say it out loud, that's what's happening.  At rehearsals and performances, they want to have a meaningful, worthwhile, and enjoyable time. The expectation is that their time will be respected and not wasted. When that is not the case, resentment and frustration naturally start to build.  How can we evaluate ..read more

One of my biggest secrets is that I've only ever won one job in my life. And it was a huge blow when I found out later that I was only chosen because they really didn't want the other person, so they went with me and hoped there was nothing wrong with me. Not flattering, not confidence-inducing, and not what I needed to hear. Just when I thought I did things "right" to get the job, it turns out I didn't.  After 15 years of job searches, I often ask myself, "What am I doing wrong?" I never seem to be able to put my best foot forward artistically or say the right things personally. I'd be ..read more

Early in my writing this blog, a colleague and friend gave me some feedback. She said that she finds it annoying when I pose questions and don’t answer them in a post. It was valid feedback and well-intentioned. I can see where she was coming from, how my open-ended approach can elicit discomfort from not having answers and concrete advice.  If she was thinking this, I’m sure lots of people are thinking it as well. So I tried to make adjustments. I started writing more posts with lists, such as 5 ways to do this or 4 tips for that. While it was helpful, it wasn’t a perfect fit for me. (I ..read more

There's a popular saying that people don't quit their jobs; they quit their bosses.  According to this Gallup article, "One in two employees have left a job to get away from a manager and improve their overall life at some point in their career, according to Gallup's State of the American Manager report." A great job can feel like a terrible one when a bad boss is involved. This can look like unnecessary stress or fear, feeling undervalued or undermined, and running into dead ends. An employee's relationship with their boss can be vital for both their career success and well-being.  ..read more

One of the weird things I secretly do is keep tabs on when people I admire say that they feel defeated.  They reveal that they don't know what they're doing, they have doubts, or they're scared. I'll share two of these examples (a musical one and a non-musical one): A few years ago, I was sitting backstage before going on to conduct the Poulenc Concerto for Two Pianos. One of the pianists was Alvin Chow, someone I've known and respected for almost two decades. Alvin shared that he's nervous. He said he always feels nervous, every single time before going on stage, and that it never goes ..read more

A few weeks ago, I had a quick conversation with a brick mason called Brendan, who was doing a bit of work outside my building. It's a conversation I will never forget for the rest of my life. It was 5 pm and I was his last job of the day. His first was at 7 am that morning. I said it must be hard to start so early in the day and have such a long day.  I was blown away by his response.  Brendan shared that he wakes up before the sun rises and can't wait for it to come up. When the sun rises, that means he can start working. Everyday, he just can't wait to see the sun. He can ..read more

Patrick Lencioni compares meetings with movies in his book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. He posed the first question: How many would rather go to a movie than a meeting? We'd probably all choose the movie. He then posed the second question: Why do we hate meetings? The answer is: They're boring. I'm curious what happens when we substitute "meetings" with "rehearsals" for these two questions. Well, we'd probably also choose the movie. And I've heard a lot of musicians say that rehearsals can be boring. Lencioni explains why we'd choose the movie: "Every great movie has conflict. Without ..read more