Ben-Shahar says that often people who experience the arrival fallacy start off unhappy, and reach for a goal that is supposed to cure their sadness. When they find that success doesn’t fix their unhappiness, not only are they disappointed, but may end up feeling hopeless and depressed. Often, the arrival fallacy only makes unhappiness and mental states worse. RESOURCES: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-arrival-fallacy-6561079 https://sketchyideas.co/arrival-fallacy/ WATCH: www.youtube.com/juliemerica GET A MONTHLY NOTE FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com BUY SOME MERCH: https ..read more

Things to say to someone experiencing anxiety: I love you, I'm here for ya, you can vent to me but you definitely don't have to explain yourself, I understand, this is hard but I believe in you, take all the time you need, it's okay to feel like shit, you're not a burden, you're doing a great job, I'm sorry you're experiencing this shit, it makes sense you feel this way, how can I support you when you feel like this? Can I bring you a meal this weekend? Can I make you a tea? Can I check in again on Friday? WATCH: www.youtube.com/juliemerica GET A MONTHLY NOTE FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpod ..read more

Sit for a second, imagine your dream partner looking you in your eyes and telling you allll that shit you wanna hear. Literally what would they say to you and make you feel seen and heard and valued and loved. Now open your eyes look in the mirror and say that shit to yourself. “One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. There was a time when I felt lousy about my over-forty body, saw myself as too fat, too this, or too that. Yet I fantasized about finding a lover who would give me the gift of being loved as ..read more

Our brain is designed to make shit easier and easier until it’s no longer taking up much brain power at all. Our brain loves boredom. Boredom means safety. Safety means ease. Ease means peace. Brains love that shit.  I think it’s normal to get bored with life, but the fact of the matter is - I have access to the beauty of the world in High definition from the comfort of my couch in a few clicks, I can get cuisines of different cultures for just a few bucks, I don’t even have to talk to anyone. I scroll my phone for hours and consume more information than my cute lil brain can even begin t ..read more

For me, I still sometimes struggle with the idea of seeing to make sure I am being “useful” in order to be and feel valued. By ensuring others are happy, I can control the energy and environment AND feel like I’m doing important work. Unlearning my fear of not being productive helped me delineate between helping people for altruistic reasons and helping people as a way to avoid potential conflict or uncomfortable energy.  RESOURCES: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412 WATCH: www.youtube.com/juliemerica GET A MONTHLY NOTE FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbed ..read more

The best strategy to ensure I’m not people pleasing and I’m simply “pleasing people” that I’ve found for me is: Forcing myself to take a minute to think before doing pretty much anything. I’m a mover and a shaker. I see a need, I fill a need. I like fixing. But the problem is, I can sometimes commit to things WAY before being ready. Or I can start fixing things that weren’t my issues to fix. Taking a few seconds to really consider if 1. I want to. 2. I can. 3. I should. Has changed the game for me.  RESOURCES: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412 WATC ..read more

some ways to get started: chunk it into smaller segments, start right now (1, 2, 3 method), reward systems, accountability systems, habit stack, dopamine pair, reframe "have to" to "choose to", body doubling (have a friend sit with you), do a "bad" job on purpose. WATCH: www.youtube.com/juliemerica GET A MONTHLY NOTE FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com BUY SOME MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/make-your-damn-bed-podcast?ref_id=27657 TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcast OR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcast This show ..read more

hi cutie, you been hydrating + eating + moving for fun? i love ya. WATCH: www.youtube.com/juliemerica GET A MONTHLY NOTE FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com BUY SOME MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/make-your-damn-bed-podcast?ref_id=27657 TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcast OR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcast This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at www.betterhelp.com/makeyourbed The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for ..read more

I could have every sign point to soul mate and deep down I’d without a doubt, have some doubts. Because here’s the thing - as a society we expect people to know who we want to be FOREVER by 18, and who we want to be with FOREVER by 30? I’m sorry but if - all witches willing - we live a long and beautiful life, you’d like me to commit over half of it despite only being alive for a quarter of it?? That’s unhinged behavior. Gambling with growth, knowing full well most people have been changing their whole thing every couple of years because they outgrow the person they were like we’re supposed to ..read more

Sometimes it feels like I'm dipping my toes into several ponds at once - and sometimes... that works for me. Other times, however, I thrive in a bit of structure. Routine is something I rarely seek out, but daggone it's valuable as hell for us neuro-spicy types. WATCH: www.youtube.com/juliemerica GET A MONTHLY NOTE FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com BUY SOME MERCH: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/make-your-damn-bed-podcast?ref_id=27657 TUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcast OR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcast This show i ..read more