New Year’s Resolutions for a Good Divorce and a Good Life
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen, J.D.
1y ago
If you’re going through a divorce, the holiday season can be dreadful. It’s hard to celebrate when it feels like the world you once knew has tilted or spun out of control. There’s no question that your life is about to change in a big way. But there is a new year on the horizon! It’s a natural time to turn the page…and take steps to set your world right. So here are some ideas to inform your New Year’s resolutions for 2022. These ideas come from what I’ve observed about my most satisfied divorce mediation clients. It’s not that they always have the easiest circumstances or the most financially ..read more
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Why Thanksgiving Matters (and It’s Not About the Turkey)
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen, J.D.
1y ago
Today I want to share a special gift. Actually, some might call it “re-gifting” but I call it “paying it forward.” Here is The Thanksgiving Reader, written by Seth Godin and freely distributed to thousands, maybe millions of people. Seth is one of my favorite bloggers, a best-selling author, and a prolific writer about leadership and doing work that matters. Seth describes Thanksgiving as a holiday about gratitude, family, and possibility. He’s put together this collection of writings for us to reflect on the powerful impact that gratitude can have in our lives and on our well-being. So this T ..read more
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Is Divorce Stress Making You Sick?
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen, J.D.
1y ago
If you’re in the midst of a separation or divorce, you’re probably no stranger to stress — but did you know that the higher conflict your divorce is, the more it puts your health at risk?  This Psychology Today article is not new — but it offers a useful tool for recognizing hidden stress points and offers coping strategies to help you stay healthy and hopeful for better days ahead. Dozens of studies have shown that stress compromises the immune system. The more stressful your divorce, the more likely it is that sickness will follow. Almost everything about a divorce can be stressful, eve ..read more
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What Is a Fair Divorce Financial Settlement? Child Support & Alimony Come Down to Dollars and Sense
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen, J.D.
1y ago
When it comes to alimony and child support, most divorcing couples are concerned that their agreement is fair. However, in my experience as a divorce mediator, both parties are most successful when they focus on the dollars first, rather than the sense. In other words, focus on what’s possible as a prelude to discussing what is fair. Accept That There Will Be Alimony and/or Child Support The first step in the process of negotiating your financial settlement is accepting that there will be a transfer of money. This is unavoidable in most cases, particularly when there are minor children, the ma ..read more
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Can Divorcing Parents Share the Nest?
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen J.D. Mediator DTW
1y ago
Creative parenting arrangements can take many forms, one of which is nesting. In a nesting arrangement, the children are the ones who “keep the house” while the parents take turns living there. For many families, nesting allows for the least possible disruption at a time when so much is changing in their lives.  But it’s not for everyone. This post addresses some of the pros and cons of nesting. The advantages of nesting begin with the simple fact that it buys more time for the parents to work out longer-term housing solutions. Often, neither spouse is prepared to part with the house and ..read more
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Paying for College: 3 Things Divorcing Parents Should Do
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen, J.D.
1y ago
Your child has met the college application deadline and the acceptances are rolling in… but for divorcing parents there’s another worry: How are college expenses to be paid and by whom? States do not impose an obligation on parents to pay for their children’s college expenses and these costs are not normally included in child support orders. However, courts will enforce agreements that obligate one or both parents to pay for college and can include such agreements into a divorce decree. Here are three tips for addressing your child’s college expenses upon divorce. 1. Talk About What Makes Good ..read more
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The Secret to Making your Next Marriage Last
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen, J.D.
1y ago
As a family mediator, I specialize in divorce.  That doesn’t make me an expert on marriage, but I’ve gained some valuable insights over the years. Paradoxical though it seems, I believe that one key to achieving a good divorce is also the secret to a happy marriage.  Couples that succeed in “conscious uncoupling” tend to maintain a flush bank account – not with deposits of money, but with deposits of goodwill. The secret is to maintain a robust balance of goodwill (positive interactions) to withstand the inevitable withdrawals (negative interactions).   This concept was coi ..read more
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Dating Before the Divorce Decree: Why it Pays to Wait
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen, J.D.
1y ago
In a previous post, I offered tips for dating while separated. That article provides guidance to couples who agree that dating while separated is okay. But what rules apply when only one spouse thinks it’s okay to date before the divorce is final? Dating Before the Divorce is Final Let’s consider the case of John and Mary. Recently separated, John had begun dating; Mary was adamant that dating now was inappropriate. From John’s perspective, their marriage had been emotionally and physically dead for a couple of years already. Since they had agreed to divorce, he reasoned, why wait another ..read more
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Four Strategies for Mediating a High Conflict Divorce
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen J.D. Mediator DTW
1y ago
Mediating a high conflict divorce. Sometimes people assume that the only way to handle their divorce with a high conflict partner is to “lawyer up” and “buckle down” for the roller coaster ride. Statistically, this approach leads to increased conflict and less satisfaction with the results. There are also enormous financial and emotional costs, which can be compounded when there are children. In almost all cases, you can achieve a better divorce through a cooperative process rather than through a combative one. But is it possible to mediate your “high conflict divorce”? Sometimes not, but ofte ..read more
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The “Quick & Dirty” on Dating While Separated
Eileen Coen Mediation Blog
by Eileen Coen, J.D.
1y ago
If you and your spouse are separated and you’re feeling anxious to meet someone new… this Valentine’s Day might have you wondering whether, and when, it’s okay to date. Having a conversation about dating is difficult but important to do before either spouse ventures out on dates. Back by popular demand, I’m re-posting a summary of some of the guidelines that I’ve seen couples successfully establish in mediation: Don’t date if you and your spouse are trying to reconcile.  Most couples seeking reconciliation find they can’t do both things at once. Instead of dating, carve out a timeframe f ..read more
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