3 Things Your Tween Wishes You Didn’t Do   I have full faith in you and your parenting, yet I want to share what some tweens I met with wished were different.    1) Taking their phone away every time they mess up.  They feel it’s your go-to punishment no matter what they’ve failed to do or done. Many mistakes have nothing to do with their devices, such as forgetting to feed the dog, leaving the hair straightener on, or sassing you. Not having their phone separates them from their social groups, which is vital to them. It makes more sense for a consequence to fit an infr ..read more

Keeping Promises in the Time of Conflict   Your adolescent is angry, and she directs it at you. Before school started last fall, you two agreed that submitting homework on time and holding specific grades in each class would earn her privileges, including technology, attending events, and visiting friends’ homes. Two weeks ago, you and your daughter got notices that some grades fell below their expected levels. When the set grace period for improvement expired, you asked her to share her grade portal with you, as she didn’t come to you first. She devoted more attention to school and r ..read more

The Truth About Failing   Failure sounds and feels like defeat and disappointment. Something that we didn’t want to happen happened. Yet, its value lies in how we respond to it. I attended a concert where the singer kept strumming but stopped singing just before the third verse of his current number-one hit song. He confessed that he’d forgotten the lyrics and asked us to sing along if we knew them. It sounded like everyone in that crowded venue sang. We jogged the singer’s memory, and he joined in. I didn’t think that much about it at the time. Looking back, I recognize how easily vu ..read more

Upgrade Your Summer to Easy   Finally, we had a normal school year, and our hopes for a glorious summer soared. For it to go well, I recommend having a collaborative mindset and chatting about summer’s expectations with the main stakeholder – your adolescent. It’s okay that your ideas for a delightful summer differ from your child’s. You already know that how you communicate with your child about summer activities and responsibilities matters. Forget the command and demand authoritative style as it results in rebellion, arguments, and pushback. Instead, use an authoritarian route. For ..read more

Mother’s Day Love to You   I know you will enjoy the brunches, dinners, accolades, gifts, and flowers that honor you and your motherhood today. You deserve them for your selfless sacrifice and love. It’s lovely for you to be the center of your child’s affection. Mother’s Day is not limited to others celebrating you. You must recognize the strengths, integrity, and wisdom that make you a remarkable mom. Give yourself credit for your insight: when to use your Mom Card and when to give grace: when to offer choices and when to set limits: when to be empathetic and when to solve problems ..read more

Easy Ways to Make Connections with Your Tween   We create closeness with our children by meeting them exactly where they are. The person they are matters most, not the one we’d like them to be. As wise parents, we create space and time with them.         My neighbor’s daughter loves bugs, while my neighbor can barely stand the sight of a spider or fly. She decided to embrace her daughter’s passion for insects by listening as her daughter explains the nuances and scientific names of each moth and butterfly she collects. So great has her influence been that my neighb ..read more

We’re Here to Support Each Other   I admired Jennifer’s 100% motivation to get things done, achieve goals, and be kind. With naturally high serotonin levels, her enthusiasm, curiosity, and attitude were off the charts. For years she inspired me! Gradually that energy changed. With lessening vitality she recognized the decline of her superpower.   For reasons unknown, gradually, gloom shrouded her. It was more severe than resistance, procrastination, and rationalization. It was deeper than not wanting to get off the couch, delaying a project or making excuses. Jennifer tried cogni ..read more

That One Class   Lauren and her 11-year-old son, Jaxon agreed that signing up for band in 6th grade was a great idea. He promised to practice. And to never forget his instrument at school or home. Lauren wanted to believe he’d keep those promises. Finally, maybe, she hoped, band would be the hook that’d make school a positive experience for him.  He had always drummed his fingers, blew air into things, and made weird noises that distracted his parents and sisters. They’d be irritated, but he’d be intrigued. He’d refold papers, bend straws or change his tone to create what he call ..read more

Technology didn’t suck last week!   Do you vacillate between absolute appreciation and irritating impatience with technology? I suspect we share these extremes from time to time. Bypassing my urge to complain, I’m focusing on how technology brought me joy last week. If you’re not already obsessed with Wordle, a daily game that gives you six chances to guess a five-letter word, I encourage you to play. It’s easy to share your score with your tribe or tween without giving away the answer. Oh, and it’s free. Want to have some fun outside? Last week we explored our city on foot using ..read more

Your Tween’s Brain   Remember when you were young, looking up at your future – the idea of being “grown-up” enchanted you. It glowed invitingly through your naïve, eager eyes. The freedom and independence captivated you. Not being bossed or nagged sounded so good! Fast forward. You’ve got kids, bills, and a boss! Where is that freedom? It looks and feels like responsibility fueled by demands and deadlines. You may have felt duped along the way because you could not comprehend the reality of adulthood. However, it is not all bad. It’s preferable to being a tween and living with a tween ..read more