Venturing into non-monogamy without a contextual framework for our experiences can be overwhelming. As a result, our nervous systems may respond in the same ways that we respond to disrupting and traumatic experiences: panic, anxiety, and controlling behaviors can all show up as we attempt to establish some semblance of direction in this vast and open landscape. Source ..read more

A true community is more than a scene; it’s a tapestry of shared values, inclusivity, and mutual respect. I encourage you to seek out spaces where diversity is celebrated, accountability is upheld, and everyone’s voice matters. Source ..read more

If Polyamory has come about as an attempt to apply Feminism to intimate relationships, then the next wave of Feminism will create changes in Non-Monogamy too. Source ..read more

This article originally appeared on Polysingleish, Feb 9th, 2015. It has been edited and updated from it’s original version.   The Perfect Polyamorous Person— or PPP for short— develops in all of us who start exploring polyamory. It’s this future ideal, this high-bar image of perfection inspired by the scripts presented to us about polyamory (many of them, common misconceptions), that we aspire to. We attempt to fake-it-till-you-make-it; the “PPP” is that glossy poster-worthy role model for How Polyamory Should Be. However, we face a particular set of problems in our relationships when ..read more

This article was written during the COVID-19 Lockdown. Before you read on, I need to offer acknowledgement that I write under unique circumstances during these lock-down times: I have the privilege to live in an area where there have been few cases, and transmission appears to be contained. I have financial support from the government during this time, and very low living costs. As we learn more about Coronavirus, I have learned that I am probably in a higher risk category than I originally thought. So, while I have reason to be very concerned for my own personal health, at the same time I ha ..read more

When we hold an expectation of our partner to be everything: best friend, surrogate parent, emotional processor, and the sole person responsible for supplying our life pleasure and happiness, things tend to go awry. We’ve been raised with these expectations, but that doesn’t mean they are healthy. They are one of the symptoms of what’s called “toxic monogamy culture” and it tends to feed into patterns of codependency, and potentially dynamics of harm.   Whether you are exploring honest non-monogamy, or just wanting to do monogamy more consciously, building a healthy wider community of ..read more

The Drama Triangle: a model for understanding interpersonal conflict. Again and again I return to this model to understand my own accountability in contributing to conflict, and as a tool for supporting others in navigating conflict. The Drama Triangle is a relational model where three roles are triangulated: Victim, Rescuer, and Bully. The Victim seeks someone to rescue them from a bully, and anyone who refuses to rescue is seen as another aggressor. The Rescuer looks for victims to save— the archetypal ‘white knight syndrome’— but may be blind to how they disempower the victim and by doing ..read more

This article originally appeared on the Polysingleish blog, June 11th, 2016. It has been modified and updated for this site. You don’t have to go far on the internet to find articles exploring the ethics of Ethical Non Monogamy. It’s all over social media, blogs, podcasts, and there are whole books dedicated to it. And, this makes sense. When life-long monogamous matrimony has for so long been held up as The Moral Standard in the globally dominant white-settler-centric culture, the number one fear that many hold around challenging that structure is that it might mean losing one’s sense of m ..read more

 Have you noticed that folks tend to talk about self relationships from two very different perspectives? One group of people will identify it as a process that supports an individual to know and embody their boundaries, to get in touch with their needs and desires, and to feel empowered to listen to their inner knowing. Others talk about self relationship with a critical eye, rightfully wary of toxic individualism and the dangers of removing an individual from the context of community. What I discovered in my own journey of non-monogamy is that a strong self relationship means it’s easie ..read more

Just like any healthy ecology, a relationship landscape will naturally shift and transform through the passage of time: trees grow and blossom in spring, fruit through summer, some shed their leaves in autumn. Smaller plants come, and go. Perennial relationships are never static or stagnant. Grief is a natural companion to the seasonal rhythms of change.  It’s possible to embrace the rhythm of change in consensual non-monogamy, much like we embrace the change of seasons, but growing our capacity for, and resilience with grief is a specific kind of relational work that doesn’t get ta ..read more