You may have got into a pattern in your relationship, where there is so much on the 'to do list', that intimacy has become less frequent or you’ve stopped having sex completely for long periods. One of the things that can lead to this is the belief that sex ‘should’ happen spontaneously. That you ‘should’ be feeling up for it. That this is what is needed to get things going, for one of you to initiate. However, this very mindset could be lead to no-one initiating, and sex rarely happening. This is a huge mindset barrier to shift - because it’s all we’ve ever seen on the screens. What can reall ..read more

A lot of men that I work with, initially contact me, because they have lost their desire for sex. Now, there are many reasons men just stop wanting sex. A two year pandemic for one! Other reasons might be; having to put in more hours at work, having relationship issues, or not feeling good within themselves. As a man, this all has a huge impact on your desire for sex, which in turn, can have a significant impact on your life. This is what I help men with! I help them reconnect with their sexual desire, so they can feel confident in the knowledge, that they are powerfully connected to their bo ..read more

Men feel a slow kind of desire too - it’s not just women! Women all over the world have been discovering that they have what is called 'Responsive Desire', thanks to books such as Come As You Are by Emily Nagowski. To say that this is a life-changer, when it comes to women stopping blaming themselves or thinking they are broken, is an understatement. What is not so well known or spoken about, is that men have this slow, responsive kind of desire too! People with this type of desire, tend to feel: - Something is inherently wrong with them, that their sexuality is broken - They have the inferio ..read more

Here’s the challenging thing with desire; we are conditioned to think that if we are not feeling spontaneous desire, where we suddenly feel turned on, aroused and really fancy having sex, that we have lost our desire completely. Do you: - No longer feel desire? - Feel broken sexually? - Not feel interested in sex? - Think what you used to have is not coming back? This is happening in relationships both new and long-term and creates a whole host of issues, within the relationship. For some, their partners are initiating sexual intimacy, however they just don’t feel turned on and sex is so far ..read more

Here are some of the ways that men find their arousal short-circuits, before or during intimacy: Having anxious thoughts such as; - ‘What if I am unable to get an erection and my partner thinks I am not aroused or turned on?' - 'What if my partner then feels rejected by me?’ - ‘What if I lose my erection?’ - ‘What if I am unable to sustain my erection and we both leave the sexual encounter feeling unsatisfied, disconnected and disappointed with what happened?’ - ‘I am not feeling turned on, so I am not going to get an erection and we can’t have sex, if I am not physically erect and turned on ..read more

Choosing pleasure over performance is easier said than done for men! Because it isn't so much about the mindset. It’s about the BODYSET. It is about reprogamming the body AND mind together, to be in tune with each other. On the SAME TEAM. The conditioning runs so deep for men. Ultimately the implicit and explicit messaging has been, that a man’s role in the bedroom is to perform. This messaging has been repeated, ongoing, and come from so many different directions that it has become embedded in the subconscious, for many men. So it makes absolute sense that choosing pleasure doesn't even feel ..read more

For some men, their desire for sex seems elusive. They hardly ever feel like it and have moments of reflection, where they wonder, "Where did my sex drive go?" What then happens, is that they take this lack of desire as a given. That this is how it is now. They pour their untapped sexual energy, into something else that connects them to their sense of purpose, power and passion. But ultimately, there is still an underlying sense, that they know there could be more pleasure for them. That, by opening up to their true erotic potential, they could experience more pleasure, both in their sex life ..read more

To get erections, maintain them and be more in choice, of when you ejaculate, you need to be in the relaxed parasympathetic part of your autonomic nervous system. To orgasm and/or ejaculate, you then completely shift into the sympathetic part of your autonomic nervous system. This is so important to say out loud! Why? Because if you are not getting erections, sustaining erections or ejaculating too quickly, then it could be because stress is impacting you (applies to psychological ED). It's not that you are failing as a man - it's your body letting you know that you are under stress. It's wort ..read more

Start building it now! Reducing performance anxiety isn’t just a mindset thing. It’s about understanding that your mind and body are connected. You need to find ways you can release the build-up of stress in your body, on a regular basis. Most of us experience stress, to varying degrees. It’s how we manage our stress that matters. This goes beyond overcoming performance anxiety. This is about your quality of life. Your state of mind AND body. It doesn’t have to be complicated or overly time consuming. It’s about the small, 1% shifts, on a daily basis. It all adds up. It has a cumulative effect ..read more

When men experience stress related to sex, over and over again, it can put their mind and body in a state of survival. In a state of survival, it is not the time to have sex! For lots of men, this manifests as: - avoiding sex - over-working - watching Netflix, instead of having sex - not feeling aroused - not experiencing the level of pleasure, that they want to experience For most people (about 80% of the population), stress slams on the brakes. We lose sexual interest. So, to have better sex, stress management is key. What you want to find, is easy, quick and accessible ways, that work for y ..read more