Having a formula for sex doesn’t necessarily detract from its quality. Let’s delve deeper into this idea, beyond my usual invitation to break free from the script. A formula, in the context of intimacy, refers to a tried-and-true method that consistently delivers a desired outcome - typically, an orgasm. It’s quite normal to have established routines for solo or partnered experiences that efficiently achieve O. These routines have value. Yet, relying on one or two predictable formulas, followed on autopilot and devoid of true connection and mindfulness can greatly diminish the depth of your ..read more

Are you a people-pleaser in the bedroom? People-pleasing in the bedroom can look like: Neglecting your desires in favour of what you think a partner wants you to want. Difficulty communicating your needs and boundaries for fear of rejection, upsetting your partner, or being a burden. Anxiety around your performance, which can hinder your performance. Thinking about how to do it ‘right’, rather than being authentic and present. Over-focusing on a partner’s satisfaction, to the detriment of your fulfilment.  Consenting to things you’re not comfortable with, leading to resentment ..read more

Last year, my beautiful 10-year partnership with Chris ended.  I’m in the early stages of a new partnership, a clean slate, and I’ve been learning a lot about love without self-sacrifice.  Before you read on - it’s a goodie - I wanted to let you know that enrolments for my 2024 sensual and sexual empowerment course opened today!  Unravel Me is a tremendously special experience. If you’ve been curious about working with me, this might be the one.  I invite you to have a look at the details and contact me if you’d like to talk about it. We start April 13 and there are lim ..read more

“I don’t know what I want in bed, so I don't know how to ask for something different…?”⁠ ⁠ A predicament many folks have brought to me.⁠ ⁠ One of my first questions for them - do you self pleasure?⁠ ⁠ Often, the answer is, "no".⁠ ⁠ Or, "yes, I hurriedly bust one out in the *exact same* way I have done since my teens".⁠ ⁠ This is normal & nothing to be ashamed of.⁠ ⁠ It's also likely a contributing factor to your predicament, because, ⁠ ⁠ You're unlikely to learn anything new about your sexual self within that comfort zone⁠ Every time we self-pleasure we code our brains + nervous system ..read more

Over the last year, I’ve been thinking a lot about something I never expected to think about at all.  Getting botox This topic incites a sizeable conflict inside of me. So I’ve played with being open to as many perspectives as possible, in the search of my personal truths.   I wanted to share with you, my loves, a few that have stuck.   Layla Martin invited me to consider - Why do the different decisions women make about their bodies have to mean so much? Is labeling women’s decisions to receive cosmetic procedures & surgeries as anti-feminist, more warring against ..read more

Recently I was inspired to calculate how much money I have spent on my own coaching to date.   I won’t share the exact amount, but I will tell you it’s tens of thousands of dollars. I had a moment of looking at this number like… wow. ? ?  Before I even had the chance to ask myself the question, I knew that I didn’t at all regret this investment.  Not even slightly.  I have received tremendous, tremendous value from coaching.  It’s directly affected my quality of life.  It’s re-patterned my brain & nervous system allowing me to totally transform m ..read more

It’s super powerful to be able to distinguish between the experience of pleasure, ecstasy & adrenaline. Since there is a lot of chemical crossover, it can all feel similarly arousing. ⚡️Ecstasy (different from faux-ecstasy), feels transcendent. Out of body. ⚡️Pleasure, feels *in* the body. Grounded. ⚡️Adrenaline feels intense, ungrounded & has a sharpness to it. It can also feel energising & euphoric. Our adrenal glands release adrenaline when our brains perceive “danger”. So that we have enough energy to get out of a life-threatening situation. We can sometimes misread adre ..read more

Pu$$y-havers often grow up learning that our partners s3xual pleasure is *our* responsibility.   Which can be a big time cock block for our ability to receive, choose & take pleasure for ourselves.   There comes a time in every s3xually liberated pu$$y owner’s life where she/they/he have to declare…   MY S3X IS ABOUT MY PLEASURE   I’m not talking about ignoring the sacred bounds of consent.   I’m talking about a mindset & energy shift, that will have you realising that there is no one in the worlds pleasure needs & wants that are more or less important tha ..read more

My sex used to be very different…   Kisses with a closed heart Manual stimulation to get me ready enough for penetration  P in V Moaning like a p0rn performer pretending friction was pleasure Waiting until an appropriate amount of time had passed before manually stimulating myself Mobilising around his ego  A high-speed chase to an orgasm  Achieving orgasm! He comes We’re done   I sensed I was missing something   Ever since my earliest awkward sexual experiences at 15, I’ve suspected deep down that my eroticism was tremendously powerful & sacred.   But I ..read more

In 2017, I won Aotearoa/New Zealand’s most prestigious pole dance competition for the second year in a row with a piece I named, EMANCIPATE.    This piece was about my sexual liberation.    It was a vessel to understand & alchemise the layers of personal + trans-generational trauma, shame, fear & disempowerment that had been wrapped tightly around my sexual self.   Art has always been a tool for me to make sense of complex experiences.   To feel + be witnessed without the limitations of words   Whilst creating this piece in the studio, I broke down in ..read more