How did vibrators develop a reputation as being “for women,” when in fact they can feel good for anyone, regardless of gender or genitals? I think there are several answers to this question, but one of them is the fact that vulvovaginal orgasms are usually seen as more “complex” and “elusive” than penile orgasms. However, this is a misconception; people with vaginas reach orgasms less frequently and less reliably than people with penises because our culture frames penetrative intercourse as the main/best/only “real” sex act, and it’s a sex act that happens to stimulate the penis directly, whi ..read more

Sexual self-doubt is an epidemic. As if we haven’t already had sex-related shame heaped onto us since birth, a lot of sexual discourse online lumps people into a binary of “good at sex” versus “bad at sex.” Many of us are not given clear benchmarks of what these terms even mean, which makes it even more difficult to put the worry out of one’s mind: Am I a terrible lay?   Technique vs. approach If worries about being bad in bed weren’t so prevalent, my industry – sex writing – would not exist as we know it. Articles abound, online and in print, that claim they’ll teach you “techniques” th ..read more

I’m certainly no expert at domination, being a mostly-submissive switch – but I’ve done more domming in the last few years than I’d done in my entire life before that, and so I’ve gotten a lot better at it. I think being a “femdom” – loosely defined here as a dominant who is female (cis or trans) and/or femme – involves some complexity that isn’t always there for male and masc doms. For one thing, male dominance paired with female submission is the most common heterosexual view of what a D/s dynamic should be (this effect was highlighted in a recent Natalie Wynn video, where she referred to i ..read more

Content note: Some discussion of canine sexuality.   Being in the media industry, I frequently receive press releases on topics that have nothing to do with my niche. Usually I just ignore these, but sometimes they’re so incongruous as to make me burst out laughing. That’s what happened when I received an email from a company that makes dog treats. They wanted me to promote their products on my blog. Yes, this blog. The blog where I write about dildos, lipstick, and spanking. This is not a dog blog. I’ve never even owned a dog. I don’t know anything useful about dogs, nor do my readers e ..read more

Vibrators that attempt to multi-task are really hit-or-miss, I have found. Sometimes they’re a chaotic mess, their motor failing under the weight of an overstuffed feature list. And sometimes, they’re well-engineered works of art, proof that their designers’ ambitiousness has paid off. The EdenFantasys Wonder is… a secret third thing, somehow. Let’s discuss.   What is the EdenFantasys Wonder? I asked EdenFantasys to send me this toy to review because I’d never seen another one quite like it. It’s ostensibly a wand vibrator, except that embedded in the head of the wand is a pressure-wave ..read more

I haven’t loved a new sex toy this much in a long time. A long, LONG time. Here’s how much I love this toy: I’ve barely used my Eroscillator since I got it. The Eroscillator is my all-time favorite sex toy, and is the vibe I normally use during at least 80% of my sex and masturbation sessions, because it gives me incredible orgasms unlike I’ve ever had with another toy. Until the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen.   One of Hot Octopuss’s classic penis vibes. Image via the company.What is the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen? + some nerdy shit about sex toy history Amongst sex toy geeks like myself, Hot O ..read more

One of the most encouraging things I’ve seen in my 11+ years as a sex toy reviewer is that you can get fancier features in cheaper toys now than ever before. There was a time when you had to spend a pretty penny for functions that are considered basic now, such as waterproofness or even having multiple settings. But technology has advanced to a point where you can get better toys for less, if you know what to look for. (That’s why I write reviews, baybee!) I’m thinking about this because today I’m reviewing the Sohimi Norma, a toy that retails for $55.99 (at time of writing) but nonetheless h ..read more

Taken at the Gramercy Park Hotel in 2019 I find fetishes fascinating. It truly speaks to human ingenuity that we have found ways to get horny about all manner of things, from leather boots to mannequins to piss. Some of the most commonly fetishized objects are body parts. While some features of human anatomy are so commonly fetishized as to escape the fetish label, such as breasts and butts, plenty of oft-lusted-after body parts are generally considered “non-sexual,” despite them carrying a sexual charge for many people. I’ll refer to this study in choosing some body parts to tell you abo ..read more

Content note: body image, internalized fatphobia, etc.   When I was younger, I was often horribly self-conscious about how I looked during sex. I’m sure many of you can relate. I was terrified of my belly or thighs looking “too chubby” during sex, and paranoid about certain angles emphasizing a double chin. I fretted about lighting, preferring to be seen as little as possible during the act. I shaved almost every part of my body, very carefully, before every date that I thought might end in sex – and if I later noticed a patch of hair I’d missed, I felt deeply embarrassed about it, like m ..read more

Apologies for the cat hair. You know how it is. Pressure-wave toys have been around for about a decade, and most of them have been pretty samey. A few companies have branched out with innovations within the pressure-wave toy genre, like when Arcwave made one for dicks, or when Womanizer made one with an “Autopilot” mode, but for the most part, these toys have largely been relatively similar to each other. They usually feature a small nozzle that directs rhythmic air waves at the clitoris for “touchless” pleasure, a sensation some people like and some people don’t. So I was glad to see the new ..read more