Why Would You Do That? (Watch Your Wife with Another Man) There are  varied reasons for this desire. Some were nice, and some were not so nice, but a discussion of this phenomenon deserves consideration of all the reasons and motivations. So here is a list of the motivations, based upon my research, behind why men would be interested in watching their wives with other men: Voyeurism. Many suggest that we live in a “pornified culture,” where most men of college-age and older have seen pornography, and use it as a part of their sexual repertoire. If they are used to such a v ..read more

KEY POINTS Unwanted intrusive thoughts often center around sexual, violent, or otherwise disturbing content, and can cause serious emotional distress. Contrary to widespread myths, however, having such thoughts does not mean that the thoughts reflect true desires. Individuals bothered by intrusive thoughts can benefit by reminding themselves that the thoughts are irrelevant and unimportant. Everyone has passing intrusive thoughts that seem to come from outside their control: The content may feel alien, absurd, or threatening, and may pass after a few weird moments. Intrusive thoughts can be ..read more

Trauma is something that most of us have experienced in one way or another, whether it was through abuse, abandonment, or a circumstance that we had no control over. As children, when we do not have access to resources that help us navigate through the pain of these experiences, we will often develop coping mechanisms that can be unhealthy in the long term.   TRAUMA SETS US UP FOR FUTURE FAILURE When a child experiences the trauma of abuse or abandonment, the brain is literally injured. Trauma affects the brain’s ability to function in healthy ways to cope with future stress circumstances ..read more

When we bury our feelings, we bury who we are Whether you witnessed or experienced violence as a child or your caretakers emotionally or physically neglected you, when you grow up in a traumatizing environment you are likely to still show signs of that trauma as an adult. Children make meaning out of the events they witness and the things that happen to them, and they create an internal map of how the world is. This meaning-making helps them cope. But if children don’t create a new internal map as they grow up, their old way of interpreting the world can damage their ability to ..read more

The Fantasy Bond: A Substitute for a Loving Relationship Defences formed in childhood hurt adult relationships. Most people have fears of intimacy and are self-protective and at the same time are terrified of being alone. Their solution to their emotional dilemma is to form a fantasy bond. This illusion of connection and closeness allows them to maintain an image of love and loving while preserving emotional distance. Destructive fantasy bonds, which exist in a large majority of relationships, greatly reduce the possibility of couples achieving intimacy. The nature of a fan ..read more

When you first got together, your partner might’ve seemed considerate, wildly devoted, and very interested in making sure you had a good time in bed. Maybe they lavished you with attention, gifts, flattery, and promises of true romance, to the point where you almost felt overwhelmed by their charm. Yet as time went on, you began to notice some persistent red flags in their behavior: They begin to devalue and criticize you — first subtly, then openly. They lash out in rage, or ignore you completely, when you do or say something they don’t like. They no longer seem to consider wh ..read more

Therefore, there’s a strong correlation between childhood trauma and addiction later in life, because the addiction becomes the solution to the anxiety and stress of the trauma. Research findings revealed, including these: that 72% of sex addicts were physically abused as children; 81% were sexually abused as children; and 97%, emotionally abused as children. 73% of addict come from homes where there is not much affection and are rigid and “black and white.” Similar problems with sexual acting out existed in mothers (25%), fathers (38%), and siblings (46%). Parallel patter ..read more

Anyone who has ever faced an addiction or who has supported a loved one through the difficult process, will be all too familiar with the fact that addiction is a selfish condition. We know that once addiction really takes hold, people find it incredibly difficult, if not impossible to abstain from the very behaviours they’re addicted to. A person with a sexual addiction may for example be unable to stop having sexual relationships with complete strangers despite the fact that they’re married. Even if they feel incredibly guilty and ashamed of their actions, they will find themselves repeating ..read more

We know that over 70% of individuals with sexual addiction come from rigid, authoritarian, and disengaged households where addiction is already present among family members For individuals that grew up in a perceived dangerous, high intensity environment,it was likely not safe to feel what they were feeling, let alone invest time, energy or effort on their caregiver because of fear that the attachment to them may end abruptly. Therefore, someone with an avoidant attachment style developed survival skill of detachment including mentally/physically checking out. For individuals that grew up in a ..read more

It was determined that sex addicts tend to come from families where addiction is common.  For example, mothers (25%), fathers (38%), and siblings (46%) had significant alcohol problems. Mothers (18%), fathers (38%), and siblings (50%) had similar problems with sexual acting out. Only 13 percent of sex addicts reported a family of origin with no addictions. Consequently, we know that growing up in a family with existing addictions is a factor. 77% of sex addicts in the study experienced their families as rigid, dogmatic, and inflexible. They also found their families to be disengaged (87 ..read more