I always prefer to assume goodwill in my audience. Calling someone goodwilled is not the same as calling them perfect. Clearly all of us are broken, sinful, and capable of mistakes daily. But I believe the vast majority do so with goodwill in their hearts. Unfortunately, though, that cannot be said about everyone. So what does the lack of goodwill look like in a man? One clear example I have unfortunately seen in the twenty years I have been speaking and writing about the Love and Respect message is the man who tells his wife to read the book and apply it but has no intentions of applying God ..read more

There is a principle that my wife, Sarah, and I seek to live by and that we share at our Love and Respect Conferences: I cannot control the outcomes in my spouse; I can only control my actions and reactions to my spouse. In other words, I can no more control what Sarah will say and do and the attitude in which she will say and do it, than she can control what I will say and do and the attitude in which I will say and do it. And yet, don’t we often live in such a way in which we’re attempting to change the internal dimensions of our spouse, when the truth is they have to make that choice on th ..read more

Many if not nearly everyone is asking the question "Did God cause the coronavirus? And if He did not directly cause it, why did He allow it?" Of course, some of us are not asking that question since we have settled in our minds to trust Christ in the face of what we don't understand. But do we have a maturing child asking this question? Is a friend throwing this question at us: "Why doesn't God stop this!?" My daughter Joy commented to me, “Dad, many may not be asking this question, but maybe one of their kids is, and we should applaud such questions, not fear them or give pat answers. Now, m ..read more

Have you noticed how hugely popular Hallmark movies become during the holiday season at the end of every year? Though it’s not hard to find blogs and others online poking fun at the same basic storyline that seems to be the premise for every one of them—a career woman too busy for love, a handsome bachelor in a small town, spontaneous snowfall, and a dog—nevertheless, watching Hallmark movies seems to have become a holiday tradition up there with peppermint mochas and gingerbread houses. But if all these movies are basically the same and their plot lines so predictable, why do so many people ..read more

Love and Respect Tests It’s that time of year again—when millions all over the world make New Year’s resolutions. Many will want to lose weight and become healthier in general; many will take up a new hobby or skill; and others will seek to become more organized in different aspects of their lives. But no matter what a person’s goodwilled intention for the New Year is, studies show time after time that roughly 80 percent of people fail in their New Year’s resolutions. Of course, there are a variety of reasons for the failures, depending on the type of resolution it is, but it doesn’t take an I ..read more

A Fallen World Having spoken for more than two decades about Love and Respect and counseling couples for even longer than that, I have heard more than a few complaints from husbands and wives about their spouses, especially in emails: “This man will never love me the way you talk about! You would not believe what I have been putting up with all these years!” “Respect me? Ha! My wife has never even heard the word! All she does is put me down and demoralize me. How can I get out of this marriage?” For sure, Scripture attests that we live in a fallen world where some people choose the dark side ..read more

Freedom To Disagree Have you and your spouse given each other the freedom to disagree without everything escalating to a love and respect issue? A wife wants the freedom to disagree with her husband without him feeling she is being disrespectful to him. Many times a wife wishes to give her opinion on what he is proposing, but he interprets her mere questioning as discourteous. She desires the freedom to give her input on his ideas, but will he give her that right? Or will he say something like, "There you go again, disrespecting my ideas"? A husband wants the freedom to disagree with his wife ..read more

Don’t Be Flippant Brokenhearted, a man told me he used to say to his family, "If you don't like living here, don't let the door hit you in the fanny on the way out.”  Feeling unappreciated as the provider, he would exclaim this flippantly. He assumed everyone would decode his point, which was not to actually send them the message that he wanted them to leave but that he was feeling disrespected in that moment.  He certainly never wanted to hear in response something like, “You know, I don’t like living here, so I think I’ll leave after all.” Instead, he wanted to hear back, “Oh, no ..read more

In part 1, we were introduced to an understandably frustrated wife who wrote me: When I ask my husband to do something and he doesn't do it, it frustrates me beyond belief. Like when I ask him to pick up his shoes and junk laying around the house, he says twice that he will do it, then never does. It just leaves me frustrated because I'm constantly picking up after him. But, he's also admitted to just telling me what I want to hear, then doesn't do what he says he will do. I've mentioned this several times to him how much it frustrates me and the point isn't getting across. How do I change th ..read more

Relationship Differences I’m sure you’ve heard of the term “irreconcilable differences.” But have you ever thought about what exactly people mean when they use this term to describe their marriages? I mean, if such “irreconcilable differences” are causing the destruction of families everywhere, it must be really serious, right? After all, to say something is “irreconcilable” means that it is impossible to repair.  Well, one website regarding divorce and other legal matters lists the following as examples of  irreconcilable differences:  Unwanted involvement from in-laws Fail ..read more