Did you know that the demographic most likely to commit suicide in the United States is white men over the age of 50? That may not fit the narrative of those who have other agendas, but it should alert us to be sensitive to a growing group of men who feel like they have no advocates and little empathy from pastors. After reading my post Revisiting Enough is Enough, a husband in a difficult marriage sent a thoughtful email asking me if I’d “flip” the advice for men, and then point blank asked, are you more difficult on men than women? Historically, I think I have been, but I also think the ..read more

Happy times in marriage are fun, and I celebrate God and thank Him for every one. But the older I get, the more I realize that often, the difficult times become the most meaningful. That’s been the kind of season Lisa and I are in now. The last two weeks have been among the most tiring of my life, but I wouldn’t give them up for what it’s done for our marriage.  Read this blog on Substack HERE. The post Fall More in Love with Your Spouse by Loving Your Spouse appeared first on Gary Thomas ..read more

It’s been a long journey getting my next book–one that doesn’t focus on marriage–into the publishing assembly line. It’ll be published by Zondervan, and they’ve just signed off on the subject. While they still get to approve the actual manuscript, I’m excited for what this book represents. It took a long time to write, and thanks to Substack, I got more pre-publication, helpful feedback on this book than any book I’ve ever written.  If you’d like to know what the book is about, this video will briefly discuss the individual chapters. We still don’t know what the final title will be–maybe ..read more

The woman on the other line exploded Diana’s life with one question: “Did you know your husband is about to meet my daughter for a rendezvous at the next NASCAR race?” When Ken and Diana’s daughter made some horrible decisions, Diana made their teenager her number one priority. Then the computers went down at Diana’s workplace. As the IT manager, she made getting the computer network back up her second priority. She stayed at the office late and brought work home. Ken was barely hanging in there at priority number three. You can understand Diana’s mindset. When your child is in crisis, it’s no ..read more

The longer I am in ministry, the more I come across parents of adult children who live with self-condemnation because they feel like they weren’t the parents they longed to be. Some of them really did mess up (and I address that here). Others are definitely being too hard on themselves. My job as a pastor is to help them apply God’s word to allow conviction while also offering His forgiveness and grace. This is my first attempt to do that. Can you help me finish it? There are no doubt other mitigating factors that make parenting so difficult I might not have run across. If you’d like to offer ..read more

“Arianna” looked like a new woman. My coworkers marveled when they finally realized that this was the same woman who had come to see me some weeks ago. The first time we had met, Arianna felt beaten down by what was happening (and not happening) in her marriage. She could hardly speak three sentences without reaching for another Kleenex. But one month later she had a light in her countenance, hope in her eyes, and confidence in the way she held her head. The previous meeting, we hardly mentioned strategies to improve her marriage. Instead, we talked about some spiritual truth. Arianna learned ..read more

I was asked to speak at a date night and chose the topic, 5 Words of Comfort for Those in Difficult Marriages. In this video I explain why I chose the topic, and then go into those five words. If you know someone who this could bless, please pass this on. Watch this video on Substack HERE. The post 5 Words of Comfort for Those in Difficult Marriages appeared first on Gary Thomas ..read more

So much of my adult life has been spent trying to connect my faith and my marriage, looking for how being thoughtful and intentional in my marriage correlates to being a thoughtful and intentional disciple of Christ. These two pursuits come together in a particularly beautiful symmetry when we think of the word servant. What phrase most succinctly describes your attitude toward your spouse? What characteristic should most mark us as believers? What if those two should be the same? Many spouses I talk to live with numerous disappointments and grievances—some, no doubt, are legitimate. But in th ..read more

“You know, your prayers are pretty shallow. Why don’t you pray a real prayer?” The young man was reeling—was she really going to leave him because his prayers weren’t “good enough?” “Why are you in this lane? Why are you going so slow? Don’t you think we should have taken the other highway?” I read a book by an author where the wife was so contentious early in their marriage that my heart just sank. Decades of working with couples has demonstrated to me the damage a critical spirit can unleash in any marriage. In a wedding, you’re proclaiming that your spouse is so excellent you choose him or ..read more

Debra Fileta and I noticed that it’s often easier for couples to engage in physical intimacy than to talk about it. But talking about it takes that level of intimacy to a much higher level. It can also forestall some frustrations and disappointments. And it’s so helpful to get expectations out there so that they can be discussed. This week’s post is a guide that Debra put together to help married couples learn how to talk about sex. This is “counselor Debra” at her best: informed, practical, and empathetic. Many couples will have a romantic time tonight (Valentine’s Day), but you can grow your ..read more