In Defense of the Mainstream Understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
People are obsessed with causes. And those causes may embody sought after justifications. In a recent article in Psyche about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), psychologist Alexander Kriss argued that mainstream psychology has misleading descriptions of the personality construct. According to the author, there’s a “common notion” that BPD is mainly a genetic disorder, but I’m unsure of what’s meant by common. In online circles, where people love to argue, there’s somewhat of a debate between the “trauma informed” camp and their opponents, whom are often presented as the biological determi ..read more
Visit website
The Dark Side of Denying Our Own Envy
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
Few emotions are denied as vehemently as envy. Envy implies weakness like few others. Many of our younger patients find it challenging to believe that their peers envy them. They often tell us, “You’re just trying to be nice.” And many of our older patients can’t imagine that a cold and abusive parent envied them. Yet, envy, like anger or fear, is a fundamental emotion that all of us feel. Envy is not only wanting to have something, whether a quality or possession, that someone else has, but believing that they don’t deserve it. In that sense, one can justify any sort of punishment for the sin ..read more
Visit website
Obsessed with Control: Addressing Perfectionism and Codependence
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
For some, asking for help feels like a threat; the need to do so invariably makes them feel inferior. “Why should I need to ask?” “You should already know!” In the game of emotional hot potato, we blame our partners for feeling vulnerable, more precisely, for feeling inferior. While something like asking for help or setting a boundary is common, individuals preoccupied with hierarchies view both as signs of weakness, indicators of a potential loss of power or position, or disrespect. Their worlds are like old-time movies, experienced in black and white. In that world, the kings expect to be se ..read more
Visit website
Obsessed with Control: Addressing Perfectionism and Codependence
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
For some, asking for help feels like a threat; the need to do so invariably makes them feel inferior. “Why should I need to ask?” “You should already know!” In the game of emotional hot potato, we blame our partners for feeling vulnerable, more precisely, for feeling inferior. While something like asking for help or setting a boundary is common, individuals preoccupied with hierarchies view both as signs of weakness, indicators of a potential loss of power or position, or disrespect. Their worlds are like old-time movies, experienced in black and white. In that world, the kings expect to be se ..read more
Visit website
Why Am I Afraid to Feel My Feelings?
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
For some, potential, negative experiences, like harm or death, carry the weight of their biggest fears. For others, their own, everyday, emotions do. They live in terror of their own anger, anxiety, sadness, and even joy. Each of these emotions do little more than forebode. Anxiety indicates the worst case scenarios. Anger indicates loss. Sadness indicates hopelessness. And joy indicates disappointment. To these individuals, emotions aren’t to be managed, and they certainty aren’t helpful; abstractly, they’re mere insights into the relentless tragedy of life. What is bad is bad and what is goo ..read more
Visit website
Addicted to Hope
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
In his autobiography, Based on a True Story, comedian Norm Macdonald details his years long gambling addiction, which cost him his life-savings on three, yep three, separate occasions. In a poignant reflection in the book, he informs his readers about what sustains any gambling addiction (and one can generalize his comments to any addiction). Contrary to popular belief, he notes, it isn’t winning, since most gambling addicts lose most of their money anyway; in reality, it’s merely the hope of winning. That initial moment between the dice having been thrown and landing on the table, that dopami ..read more
Visit website
The Responsibility Dodger: Avoiding the Blame Game
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
Some people will watch you burn and pretend they had nothing to do with it, or worse, that you did it to yourself. In a recent argument with someone, I was told, “Well, isn’t that your problem that I’m like this?” I responded with, “It’s actually ours.” The responsibility dodger is often a mild-mannered individual, whose rage is perfectly sewn up within a carefully maintained yet threadbare fabric. Like hidden treasure, one touch and it’s revealed. The responsibility dodger isn’t necessarily the blowhard shamer, whose tendencies are much easier to spot and censure. Sometimes, he’s just a highl ..read more
Visit website
The Dependent Personality and the Savior Therapist
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
Humans, like animals in pain, recoil from any perceived threat by hiding. Rejection sensitivity, common to various forms of personality issues, begets a range of defenses: gaslighting, deflecting, and even rejecting. Some of these are so intrinsic that their use is lost on the individual. But, seldom acknowledged is dependence as a learned defense against danger. Sometimes, it’s presented as fawning, but it’s much more than that. While the concept indicates an outward show of reverence, it fails to account for the internalized expectation of a forgery of divine grace. For the dependent persona ..read more
Visit website
The Therapist’s Shame: Understanding Projective Identification and Countertransference
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
Chronic defensiveness, like chronic avoidance, isn’t a victimless crime. In our self-protected cocoons, sheltering us from the exaggerated slings and arrows of existence, we often fail to note how our armors scar our opponents – the ones we love. For the fragile psyche, the pangs of emotional harm, and the accompanying catastrophic predictions, create an intolerable tension. Do we run or do we fight? Will they lose respect for us? And what would that mean if they did? Chronic defensiveness, or the unwillingness to tolerate and consider criticism, frequently manifests in the consulting room of ..read more
Visit website
Trauma and Toxic Masculinity
Leon's Existential Cafe Blog
by Leon Garber, LMHC
7M ago
Culture and trauma can synthesize into an obsession with hyper-masculinity. Whether it’s Tony Soprano, any of James Cagney’s early portrayals, or any other anti-hero, this formula holds true for all of them. And young boys all over the United States worship them, seeing what and who they can become, despite their own chronic victimhood. In 1992’s Juice, Tupac Shakur’s character, Bishop, tells his friend how much he loves James Cagney in White Heat because, “That motherfucker took his destiny into his own hands.” Bishop, both volatile and apathetic, presents with all of the traits of hyper-masc ..read more
Visit website

Follow Leon's Existential Cafe Blog on FeedSpot

Continue with Google
Continue with Apple
OR