Narcissists can be hard to empathize with, but research on inherited narcissism shows they didn’t choose to be that way; they bear scars from childhood. Traditionally, childrearing, particularly by the mother, was considered the cause of narcissism. In recent years, more research and twin studies have also looked at genetic factors. When you grow up with a narcissistic parent, you can get a double dose of hereditary and environmental factors. Parenting Psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut (1913-1981) believed that insufficient nurturing from their mothers (or other early caregivers) caused pathological n ..read more

In the romantic phase of relationships, we feel marvelous. Idealization of our partner helps us fall in love and fill the evolutionary drive to procreate. We’re uplifted by our positive feelings, the prospect of curing our emptiness and loneliness and healing by our partner’s loving gaze. If our self-esteem is unhealthily high, idealization makes someone worthy of our love, and conversely, it lifts low self-esteem in that this wonderful person wants us.   Idealization We project aspects of our parents (and sometimes siblings) onto intimate partners in the hope of unconditional love to rep ..read more

Narcissists have a false self. They’re master illusionists. They behave like a little king or queen — whether bragging or sulking. Their whole personality is a charade crafted to deceive you into believing they are confident, superior, self-sufficient, likable, and caring. In studies, groups of people met with and liked a narcissist, but after 6 more interviews, they discerned the narcissist’s true nature and changed their mind. Their personality is designed to impress and compensate for their hidden shame, exposed when their grandiosity doesn’t match reality. Most of the time, they will alter ..read more

The term child parentification was coined in 1967 by family systems theorist Salvador Minuchin, who said the phenomenon occurred when parents de facto delegated parenting roles to children. It can happen when one parent is physically absent or when a dysfunctional family is under stress because a parent cannot perform their parental responsibilities. Usually, this is due to a physical or mental impairment that may be caused by mental illness, a disability, addiction, emotional disconnection between the parents, or environmental stressors, such as poverty or financial instability.   These ..read more

Narcissists’ entire personality is a defense to help them manage their hidden insecurity and inner turmoil. There are three secret behaviors they do that aren’t immediately obvious, but if you think about them, they would make sense to you and explain their manifest behavior. These behaviors stem from core symptoms of narcissism, especially their lack of empathy and grandiosity, and also arrogance. It’s important in understanding narcissists to realize that their brain works differently and that they see the world much differently. Don’t compare them to yourself.     A Hierarchical E ..read more

Children of narcissists and addicts (all substance abusers) grow up in a stressful, dysfunctional family environment, which in most cases leads to codependency. Due to the symptoms and defenses related to substance abuse and narcissism, particularly impaired boundaries, lack of empathy, and mood dysregulation, these parents are unable to see or value their children as independent individuals, validate and nurture them, and provide a reliably safe relationship and home environment. Generally, narcissistic parents are ignoring, controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, and intolerant or unaware ..read more

Identifying gaslighting behavior and knowing how to combat gaslighting are essential to maintaining your self-esteem, and mental and emotional health. Gaslighting is a form of narcissistic abuse that’s used not only by narcissists, but also by sociopaths, addicts, and other abusers. Sometimes it’s intentional, and sometimes it has become a habit to hide and maintain power. Understanding Gaslighting The term gaslighting comes from the movie Gaslight with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman in which the character played by Boyer slowly tries to make Bergman’s character think that she’s losing her m ..read more

Do you wonder whether you’re a kind, empathetic person or are you codependent? There is a difference between empathy and codependency. There are codependents who are abusers and not caring, and some people who are caring and aren’t codependent. So what’s the difference? First, the definition of codependency has nothing to do with kindness, although many codependents are kind and may be selfless and self-sacrificing to an unhealthy degree. Codependency stems from dependence and insecurity, because codependents need other people’s validation and appreciation to feel worthy. Many codependents eas ..read more

Identifying gaslighting behavior and knowing steps to combat it are essential to maintaining your self-esteem, and mental and emotional health. Gaslighting is a form of narcissistic abuse that’s used not only by narcissists, but also by sociopaths, addicts, and other abusers. Sometimes, it’s intentional, and sometimes it has become a habit to hide and maintain power. Understanding Gaslighting The term gaslighting comes from the movie Gaslight with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman where he slowly tries to make her think she’s losing her mind in order to steal from her. It’s not an occasional li ..read more

Do you wonder whether you’re a kind, empathetic person or codependent? There is a difference between empathy and codependency. There are codependents who are abusers and not caring, and some people who are caring and aren’t codependent. So what’s the difference? First, the definition of codependency has nothing to do with kindness, although many codependents are kind and may be selfless and self-sacrificing to an unhealthy degree. It stems from dependence and insecurity, because they need other people’s validation and appreciation to feel worthy. Many codependents easily empathize with others ..read more