I agree with you that scholars and practitioners have the “huge obligation” of taking the time to very deeply know what forgiveness is in its fullness, in its essence.  I agree that there should be more time devoted to examining the “works that show maturity and accuracy” without reductionism or the search for continual innovation, which is so rewarded in academia.  If a person comes up with a new twist on forgiveness (or any other variable) this is often seen as an innovation or an advance, when too often it splits the construct, reduces the construct, and therefore distorts the con ..read more

I agree that there are many misunderstandings of forgiveness in the general public, in mental health professionals who are trying to help people to heal, and in scholars who publish articles on forgiveness.  I think this is the case because most people, including mental health professionals and scholars, have never examined the term forgiveness from a philosophical perspective.  This often results in a failure of understanding what Aristotle called “the specific difference” between forgiveness and other related ideas such as “just moving on” or reconciling or even just engaging in a ..read more

A failure to understand forgiveness in its full sense, for example, is when a scholar equates forgiveness only with a part of what forgiveness is in its essence.  An example of this is equating forgiveness only with a motivation to forgive.  A motivation to forgive is one component of forgiving, but not the entire essence of it, as I explained in an earlier answer.  A failure to understand forgiveness in its true sense, for example, is when a scholar claims that we can forgive situations, such as when a tornado strikes one’s house.  Because you cannot be good to a tornado ..read more

Yes, this is a very insightful point.  Just because a journal article passes the peer-review process, this does not mean that the article actually is about forgiveness in its full sense or even in a true sense.  Be careful when you read the academic literature on forgiveness because the authors’ understanding of forgiveness may be distorted.  Ask yourself: What truly is forgiveness and are these authors being consistent in understanding what it is ..read more

Actually, forgiving unconditionally, without the other first apologizing, is important.  Otherwise, you give the other person too much power over your own healing, over your own inner peace.  Here is an essay from Psychology Today in which I defend the idea that forgiveness does not require an apology from the one who acted unjustly: Why Forgiving Does Not Require an Apology ..read more

No, this idea that forgiveness primarily is a motivation is philosophical reductionism in which the writer takes one important part of forgiveness and blows it up so large that it takes over the entire spectrum of forgiveness.  Here is why motivation is only one part of forgiveness:  Suppose someone hurts you and you now are convinced that you should and will forgive.  After that, you sit in your hammock, read your on-line messages, listen to music, and turn off all thoughts and actions regarding forgiveness, never to return to this.  Have you forgiven?  Of course not ..read more

A paradox is an apparent contradiction that actually is not a contradiction.  When we forgive, we give goodness to those who are not good to us.  This seems contradictory to justice, but it is compatible with mercy.  As we give such goodness, it seems that the other is taking advantage of us and so we will never heal emotionally.  Yet, the paradox is this:  As we give goodness to the other person, we as forgivers can heal quite deeply in a psychological sense through this act of goodness ..read more

The issue here is not with forgiving itself but with a failure to see that as you forgive you can and should seek justice from the one who is hurting you.  Forgive and ask something of the other person ..read more

The problem here is not with forgiving but instead with people not being gentle with those who are hurting.  Putting pressure on others is not the fault of forgiveness itself ..read more

I have addressed this question in a Psychology Today blog here: Does Your Brain Cause You to Forgive? The short answer is: I do not think so.  There can be a confusion of cause and effect.  As people willingly practice forgiving, brain structures can alter.  In other words, it is not the brain’s existing structure that causes forgiveness but the continual practice of forgiveness that may lead to an alteration of the brain ..read more