Recently, I was on a resilience panel at work where we had to share ways to reach our goals. They chose several leaders in an effort to boost the culture and motivate employees. We were asked the same standard group of questions which were: ‘What motivates you to reach your goals?’ ‘What motivates you when you have a setback?’ And ‘What advice can you give others who are trying to get into leadership?’ Most answers to what maintains motivation were: family, to be the best, or to be the best version of themselves. They were the same answers to what motivates you when you have a set back and the ..read more

I’ve found what matters most in life, is how well we walk through hell, no matter how many times we have to go through it. We all experience some form of suffering and no matter the heaviness, we’re forced to bring consistent light to our tragedies, our emptiness, our loneliness, and to our darkness. There is this silent drowning within both our beings and within our lives. Our minds continually looping on a ruminating carousel ride of trivialities. We are emotionally devoured by nothing. It’s no wonder why most survivors go bitter or numb. Trauma forces us to be misunderstood and apathetic, n ..read more

I often forget how long and hard life has been to get where I am today. The many sleepless nights, pain, shame, isolation, and sacrifice I’ve gone through. Did you know there are about 10,950 days in 30 years? Ten thousand days is an awfully long time to experience dark times. Often, I have to remember the things I have today, are things I earned by myself. No parents, no husband, no in-laws, no family, no extended family, it was just me, giving everything I had, just to get to average. I felt very entitled to my anger and rage and used that to keep me focused on goals plenty of times, but tha ..read more

My father never tried to get better or to be better. At any time I can remember in my life, even as a very young child, his goals were only to help himself. What I find so interesting about egocentric people is no matter how old they get, they never lose their level of self-absorption or anger when their continual selfish needs aren’t met. Some of my earliest memories of him was how shameless he was. When I was seven I had won a $50 saving’s bond as a top prize in a math and science competition at school. I never saw this award until I was 18, when he tried to gift it to me as though he had b ..read more

When you’ve come from abuse you don’t really know how to be yourself since, for your entire life, being yourself wasn’t good enough. The real you had to be hidden or shut off. Our authenticity then becomes who we are supposed to be instead of who we are meant to be. As a result, we shift and blend in hopes of gaining acceptance, love, and for fear of abandonment. In order to be free of survival mode, we have be safe to become ourselves, to know we are loved despite our indecencies and that those who’ve shamed us, were wrong about who we ought to be. I had been safe from abuse for several years ..read more

When I was in sixth grade I remember walking through the cafeteria and seeing several pregnant eighth grade girls. This was fairly common at my school, which they were aware of, resulting in several ‘safe sex’ dances where they’d pass out condoms and try to teach kids to wait until they were much older to be sexually active. They also started giving money and food coupons to those who missed three days of school a year, or less, as an incentive to ‘not give up.’ As I share this, I realize how shocking this all sounds, but, I was also being sexually abused at the time, and clearly was not the o ..read more

When our voices are stolen from us, along with our self-worth, it’s incredibly hard to push through our perceptions and have confidence. It’s easy to see you were robbed of your voice and your power but somehow hard to know you’re allowing yourself to remain powerless and unheard. I had to learn to prioritize joy over my poisoned perceptions, to live life on my terms and in my own way, no matter who would support me or value me. So, I sat down and thought of five things I was willing to let go of in order to claim victory over my life. This meant more than just protecting myself, it meant I wa ..read more

I’ve found what matters most in life, is how well we walk through hell, no matter how many times we have to go through it. We all experience some form of suffering and no matter the heaviness, we’re forced to bring consistent light to our tragedies, our emptiness, our loneliness, and to our darkness. There is this silent drowning within both our beings and within our lives. Our minds continually looping on a ruminating carousel ride of trivialities. We are emotionally devoured by nothing. It’s no wonder why most survivors go bitter or numb. Trauma forces us to be misunderstood and apathetic, n ..read more

I often forget how long and hard life has been to get where I am today. The many sleepless nights, pain, shame, isolation, and sacrifice I’ve gone through. Did you know there are about 10,950 days in 30 years? Ten thousand days is an awfully long time to experience dark times. Often, I have to remember the things I have today, are things I earned by myself. No parents, no husband, no in-laws, no family, no extended family, it was just me, giving everything I had, just to get to average. I felt very entitled to my anger and rage and used that to keep me focused on goals plenty of times, but tha ..read more

My father never tried to get better or to be better. At any time I can remember in my life, even as a very young child, his goals were only to help himself. What I find so interesting about egocentric people is no matter how old they get, they never lose their level of self-absorption or anger when their continual selfish needs aren’t met. Some of my earliest memories of him was how shameless he was. When I was seven I had won a $50 saving’s bond as a top prize in a math and science competition at school. I never saw this award until I was 18, when he tried to gift it to me as though he had b ..read more