There’s no doubt that there’s a lot to be anxious about these days.  From the pandemic to politics and the economy, it’s safe to say that we’re all feeling a little stressed.  But if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, chances are your anxiety is heightened to unhealthy levels.  Here are four reasons how being in a relationship with a narcissist will exponentially increase your anxiety: 1. Gaslighting The term gaslighting comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which the husband manipulated the wife into thinking that she was crazy.  Today it’s used when one partner a ..read more

The pattern of dancing with a narcissist always starts the same way. The narcissist’s reaction is extreme compared to the situation. Maybe she bursts into tears. Maybe he starts shouting curse words. Maybe it’s at you. Maybe it’s in front of the kids or the neighbors who stopped by. Maybe it’s at the poor contractor who is finishing the repairs in the basement. Their Need for Reassurance Immediately afterwards the narcissist needs your reassurance. Reassurance that you still love her. Reassurance that you’re not leaving him. Reassurance that you still think she’s a good person. Notice that the ..read more

Many people struggle in dealing with regret after toxic marriages end. Feelings of embarrassment, guilt and anger can be common. They may feel like they threw away years of their lives, or they may feel like they somehow failed because they didn’t leave sooner. While these feelings are a natural part of the grieving process, ultimately my hope is that you can give yourself grace and forgiveness. If you’re dealing with regret, it may be helpful to keep the following in mind: You likely had good reasons for staying as long as you did. Maybe you stayed because of your children. Maybe you stayed b ..read more

Even though you are no longer in a romantic relationship with your ex, it is still important for the two of you to communicate when co-parenting your children. Many people may think they are doing a good job of communicating with the other parent, not realizing that there may be room for improvement. The following are the top five communication errors in co-parenting I see between separated parents: 1. Using Your Children as Messengers for Co-Parenting. The biggest mistake I see separated parents make in their communication with each other is communicating through their children. Most people k ..read more

No doubt life’s ups and downs are easier to handle when you have good friends by your side. You might imagine the early stages of your divorce in the company of the guys drinking beers or on the back porch with your girlfriends sipping chardonnay. But what happens when you’re in the middle of divorce hell, and suddenly those you thought were your closest friends are nowhere to be found? Feeling abandoned by your friends at such a vulnerable time is hard. You might feel angry as you think about all the times you’ve been there for your friends or resent the fact that if the roles were rever ..read more

You’ve had a conversation with your spouse and you’re ready to cry. But you’re not sure whether they are tears of hurt, frustration or both. Your spouse didn’t raise their voice or use bad words and maybe he/she was even calm during the conversation. You might even start to wonder if you’re overreacting. Is this normal? Are you the problem? Here are conversational clues you’re in a relationship with a toxic spouse: They Ignore Conversation Boundaries Maybe he wants to repeatedly rehash the relationship you had with your ex. Maybe he mocks your sister’s poor life choices. These are not producti ..read more

For all my current clients, those who think they one day may be my client, and for those reading this post wondering if divorce is right for you: Wow, what a stressful couple of weeks this has been.  Even under the best of circumstances the uncertainty of who will get sick next, what’s going to happen with this pandemic to those we love, this country, our economy, it is enough to make anyone feel like more is on their plate than they can handle. When you add in all the negative things my clients already deal with—abusive relationships, caring for children without help, angry exes whose so ..read more

I recently attended a seminar taught by clinical child psychologist, Edward Farber (author of Raising the Kid You Love with the Ex You Hate) on what he calls “Resist and Refuse” cases—when a child resists or refuses to see one parent in a divorce or separation.  Dr. Farber focused on those cases where the child’s refusal to see a parent was unjustified and acknowledged that cases where the rejection was justified (like abuse and neglect cases) present a very different topic.    This comes up frequently in my cases. I have represented preferred parents and rejected parents, and i ..read more

Consider your divorce as a positive investment in yourself and your future. Just like any other investment in yourself, such as getting an education or getting in shape, a divorce takes time, energy, and money. In all of these instances, it’s often true you get out what you put into it. If  you want to increase your strength and endurance, you might hire a personal trainer or put in consistent time at the gym. If you want to pursue a new career, you might take out loans to pay for college or spend hours studying. A divorce also requires a commitment of time, energy, and money. Take Advant ..read more

It can often be hard to tell if you are the victim of emotional abuse. Abusers are manipulative and unfortunately their repetitive behavior can become your normal. Below is a list of warning signs of emotional abuse that I see frequently in my line of work. While your abuser might not fit every category on this list, or he has other behaviors not listed, it can still be just as damaging. If the below experiences sound familiar to you, it may be time to consult with an attorney to formulate a plan to leave and to learn what your legal rights are.   Verbal Abuse Calls you names like fat, u ..read more