
Assume Love
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An award-winning blog on how to enjoy being married without waiting for your spouse to change. Learn how to eliminate resentment, stop arguing over decisions, and find the love, caring, and respect you've been missing. Assume Love has been helping married folks since 2006, so you are bound to find an answer to whatever is happening in your marriage in our archives.
Assume Love
3M ago
The best way to handle a disagreement is to avoid it. If your spouse steals the covers or if you tend to move around a lot in your sleep: This also works if one of you like the sheets tight and the other loose. Or if one of you likes a thin blanket and the ..read more
Assume Love
3M ago
When you’re in a marriage, you cannot ever win a fight with your husband or wife by shouting louder, being tricky, offering more rational explanations of your side, or marshaling friends and relatives to agree with your point of view. You cannot win by causing the person you married to lose. The only way to ..read more
Assume Love
4M ago
A good life includes frequent periods of what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow. One goal. Each step just slightly more than you were capable of yesterday. No awareness of time or even emotions. No distraction from other goals. Just you, fully engaged in art, music, sport, sex, troubleshooting, analyzing, creating. Overwhelm happens when the goal requires ..read more
Assume Love
7M ago
If your otherwise loving marriage has been a bit disappointing lately, try this: share wishes, not complaints. A wish is an opportunity for your spouse to earn that delicious feeling of acting lovingly, knowing it will be received well. You get no guarantee that they’ll notice the opportunity or act on it, because you might ..read more
Assume Love
8M ago
There are many reasons to marry. Beware of scope creep. I need to remind myself sometimes that I married for love, not for a better place to live or help paying the bills or higher status or more sex. I didn’t need or want citizenship in another country. I didn’t want another child. I love ..read more
Assume Love
10M ago
My first husband and I did this entirely by accident, and now I highly recommend it, even though he did not survive to enjoy the date, and I am happily remarried to someone very different. Who will celebrate with you? It’s likely your parents and perhaps even some of your siblings and friends will be ..read more
Assume Love
1y ago
Snarky comments about your wife or husband never make a marriage happier or stronger…not even if you share them only with your friends. AssumeLove.com – celebrating our 18th anniversary today. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone ..read more
Assume Love
1y ago
When you married, your spouse seemed perfect. Since then, you’ve discovered an upsetting habit. Or she’s given up vegan for keto. Or he’s stopped exercising and put on 60 pounds. Maybe Mr. Chill loses his cool when job stress goes up. Or perimenopause has messed with her libido. Or perhaps (really?) you married thinking, “That’s ..read more
Assume Love
1y ago
I was reminded again last week about something a client taught me long ago. Some of us make our decisions out loud. Others don’t speak until they have a decision to announce. And boy do we confuse each other! For those who make up their minds in private, a comment like, “I’m thinking about taking ..read more
Assume Love
1y ago
I read a lot of relationship and marriage newsletters, columns, and blogs. Money issues come up a lot in them. The advice givers fall into two camps. I wish we had research results on which strategy pays off best in the long run for the most people. Which one is yours? Camp #1: Protect divorced ..read more