Snarky Comments
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
2M ago
Snarky comments about your wife or husband never make a marriage happier or stronger…not even if you share them only with your friends. AssumeLove.com – celebrating our 18th anniversary today. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone ..read more
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How to Get Your Husband or Wife to Change
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
2M ago
When you married, your spouse seemed perfect. Since then, you’ve discovered an upsetting habit. Or she’s given up vegan for keto. Or he’s stopped exercising and put on 60 pounds. Maybe Mr. Chill loses his cool when job stress goes up. Or perimenopause has messed with her libido. Or perhaps (really?) you married thinking, “That’s ..read more
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Trial Balloon Failure
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
3M ago
I was reminded again last week about something a client taught me long ago. Some of us make our decisions out loud. Others don’t speak until they have a decision to announce. And boy do we confuse each other! For those who make up their minds in private, a comment like, “I’m thinking about taking ..read more
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Money: What Are You Protecting?
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
4M ago
I read a lot of relationship and marriage newsletters, columns, and blogs. Money issues come up a lot in them. The advice givers fall into two camps. I wish we had research results on which strategy pays off best in the long run for the most people. Which one is yours? Camp #1: Protect divorced ..read more
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Before You Divorce
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
6M ago
I’m not sure why this never occurred to me when I was contemplating a divorce, so maybe it hasn’t occurred to you, either. If something’s missing in your marriage—romance, conversation, encouragement, quality time together, children, pleasant surprises, shared interests, help with errands or chores, physical touch, compliments, whatever—give some thought to this. How will get ..read more
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Should You Stay If Your Spouse Refuses to Meet Your Emotional Needs?
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
8M ago
I received an interesting comment on my When Your Spouse Won’t Use Your Love Language post. So one spouse should just accept that their spouse is so self absorbed and narcissistic that they won’t treat them, they are supposedly in love with, the way they need to be treated. Oh, and don’t treat your spouse ..read more
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Earning Respect
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
9M ago
Respect is just as important as love for a healthy marriage, and maybe even more important. Contempt (the opposite of respect, reflected in eye-rolling, a wrinkled nose, or a “yeah, right”) is a clear sign your marriage is in trouble, according to John Gottman, one of the best-known relationship researchers. When Jennifer R. Frei and ..read more
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Anniversary Gifts
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
11M ago
June brings lots of anniversaries. If you’re wondering how to let your husband or wife feel your love, I want to help. Q. If I take my wife away for a just-us weekend, do I also need an anniversary gift? A. Etiquette does not apply to a marriage. Neither does the opinion of any other ..read more
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50th Anniversary
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
1y ago
The summer after my sophomore year in college, I followed the man I’d met and fallen in love with ten weeks earlier to Bakersfield. We were talking at the park and found ourselves planning a fun 50th anniversary celebration. Only then did it occur to us that we were going to get married, because we ..read more
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Tunnel Vision Keeps You From Really Enjoying Your Marriage
Assume Love
by Patty Newbold
1y ago
Tunnel vision is like looking through an empty paper towel roll. You still see things, but you don’t see all of your options. And it will sneak up on you. In my first marriage, I wanted to take ballroom dance classes. We were young. We were invited to many weddings and other events. I bugged ..read more
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