It’s Pride month. The dictionary says this about the word pride: It’s “a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.” Also, “consciousness of one's own dignity.” Not to mention “confidence and self-respect as expressed by members of a group, typically one that has been socially marginalized, on the basis of their shared identity, culture, and experience.” And lastly, “a group of lions forming a social unit.” (Aww!) What a great word—it spea ..read more

About three years ago I found myself doing a deep dive into all things narcissism. I needed to understand why I had found myself in yet another relationship with someone whose care for me felt so good and also so frightening. Rather than blame them, I wanted to understand why this kept happening. What was it about me that had me unconsciously in relationship with people I was deep down afraid of (and killing parts of myself off in the process)? I came across the work of researcher and psychologist Dr. Craig Malkin who is researching narcissism at Harvard. He described the idea that narcissis ..read more

I wanted to quit therapy. A part of me did anyway. But the therapist in me thought, That’s interesting. Talk to your therapist about it. There was a time when it never would have occurred to me to tell my therapist I wanted to stop seeing her—unless the plan was to say that and bolt. But to talk about it? Way. Too. Scary. Now that I’ve been on the other side, I know that talking about what is happening between us provides an opportunity to fully explore the truth of what is going on, which, with people who know how to meet you there, usually leads to depth, growth and better understanding. &nb ..read more

Apparently, rage is a symptom of perimenopause. Recently I’ve noticed a wee bit of rage making its presence known so I confirmed my suspicions with a quick Google search. I suppose it’s not a surprise. I used to get very, very sad before my period. If-my-tomato-fell-out-of-my sandwich-I-would-cry kind of sad. It would last for one day and then poof! it was gone. I would bleed, and all was well again. Maybe that intensity has evolved into something else? The anger does feel different. It has me wondering... Is rage a part of perimenopause, which, btw, I am unclear I’ve even entered, or is ..read more

Let’s get witchy with our empathy… Alchemy, a precursor to chemistry, was originally based around the process of transforming base metals into precious ones, like gold or silver or turning them into some kind of universal elixir. The idea behind spiritual alchemy is that we are working toward a new state of awareness, a kind of peace or harmony within and without. It got me thinking about how we can transform empathy into compassion. But why would we want to do that? What’s wrong with empathy? Absolutely nothing is the answer to that one. Empathy is what allows us to understand and share the ..read more

I was panicking. I looked around and noticed that my friendships were changing, and some were falling away completely. There was tension, distance and conflict happening with a few of my friends. Not coincidentally, it was a time in my life when there was a lot of upset, tension, conflict (and growth) happening inside of me as well. I was changing. Following a dark night of the soul that seemed to drag on forever, I looked around and navigating friendship felt different, some bonds deepening but others feeling harder somehow. And this really scared me. The first time I heard “Friends come into ..read more

This morning (it’s a Sunday as I write this) I found myself pulling out the waffle iron and then turning on our karaoke set-up (yes, it’s a system that is at the ready in our home which is truly a dream come true for me). It was a little early to subject my family to the Sheena Easton/Kenny Rogers duet I had stuck in my head, but truly, I don’t know if there’s ever a good time to subject them to my singing…so I marched onward. And it felt so good to sing. I drove everyone from the room except the dogs and then eventually one of them left too. But I couldn’t stop. I was having fun—which feels ..read more

I’ve really struggled to know what to write about this month… And truthfully, I have put it off so long I figured I might just not write anything. Every idea has been met with a creeping question—what’s the point? This question hasn’t arisen inside me with this kind of force or persistence in a long time. It used to ride shotgun beside me, day in and day out, successfully extinguishing ideas, impulses, and creativity with a heavy dose of anxiety and fear. I spent many years wrestling with the part of me that asks this question and eventually, we came into an agreement. That part of me gets to ..read more

I met a wolf this weekend. Luckily I didn’t happen upon her in the wild—in fact, I learned I will never meet a wolf in the wild because humans are their only predators and they are too smart to come near us. This wolf is named Willow and she lives at a wolf sanctuary deep in the Angeles Mountains called Wolf Connection.  Most wolves in captivity end up euthanized because animal shelters are required to put them down if they cannot find a sanctuary for them within 72 hours. But Willow made it out and found a home at the sanctuary.  So there we were, six therapists, sitting in a row, w ..read more

Several years ago I flew to Kansas City to visit my childhood home. My mom was moving out after living there for over 40 years and I was tasked with cleaning out many, many years of things stashed in my old bedroom and around the house. Digging through a box in my closet, I found my old diary. It was a bright purple hardcover journal with a padlock that had been busted open. I kept this journal from the ages of eight through nine. As I flipped through the pages, I noticed at the bottom I had written a summary statement for each day based on how I felt (hello burgeoning therapist!). My heart s ..read more