Something I keep having to deal with is that in religion, everything comes with an agenda. When I was in a certain Christian mission organisation, we were taught to see every interaction as an opportunity to share the gospel. We talked to strangers at shops, on buses, and in pubs. If I had a birthday party, I invited mix of Christians and “open” non Christians so there could be spiritual conversation. I was told by one leader “if you haven’t shared the gospel (tract booklet) by the third time meeting someone, then move on and find someone else”. It’s really hard to de-program that kind of br ..read more

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The leader controlled where I lived, when I worked, who could stay at my house, who I dated – this is spiritual abuse Permission was required for every major and minor decision – this is behaviour control If you acted differently to the expectations of the group, you were looked down upon and outcast; if I married someone outside of the organisation, I would be kicked out – this is shunning You had to reveal private information about yourself including sexual history and group members reported on each other – this is information control When I made an official complaint that I had been underpa ..read more

A poem including things said to me by colleagues in the organisation I was a part of. See also the Billy Graham Rule. Once upon an Autumn I bought this beautiful skirt spring Why are you dressed so nice summer Put on your jacket You should cover up Because the pastor’s here winter You’ll take off that jacket Won’t you summer We shouldn’t too much spend time together Because you’re a woman They told me it might be dangerous spring Why are you dressed so formal summer Is someone else here (Are you alone in your apartment?) winter I’ve already stayed too long alone with you (5 minutes helping wi ..read more

Nearly everyone experiences some kind of difficult or stressful event in their lives, like loss of a loved one, a traffic collision, or a major life transition. But everyone responds to potentially harmful situations in different ways. Certain people face extremely dangerous events such as as life threatening situation, witnessing a death, or experiencing sexual violence. Rather than exam stress or a short term illness, this is what we mean by a traumatic experience. It is known that particular groups of people are more likely to be exposed to trauma such as refugees, women and children experi ..read more