There are a few words I will not use when communicating with my NFP clients. They are commonly used by my clients, but in my responses, I always change the verbiage. What are they and why do I care so much? Am I just being overly particular? "Safe" day is at the top of the list. This comes in the form of a question such as, “Is today a safe day?” I will not use the term “safe” day when working with clients for a few reasons. First, giving yourself to another in physical intimacy isn’t "safe." Safe means protected from or not exposed to danger or risk. You are always making yourself vulnerable ..read more

Contraception is often the focus when discussing the merits of fertility awareness or natural family planning. Rightfully so-- it is the common "solution" given to any female health problem, despite the fact that it carries many of its own risks and consequences. There is something else, though, that undermines the truth, beauty, and goodness of the organic, holistic sexual intimacy that natural family planning supports. It is so pervasive in our society that I would argue it has changed the way an entire generation understands sex. Pornography. Many will state that pornography has been aroun ..read more

I received an email from someone struggling with guilt about "denying" her spouse. She even questioned if it was okay to say "can we wait until this weekend?" She clarified that her spouse wasn't pressuring her at all; the guilt stems from teachings she heard over the years-- often from older women or clergy. I wish this was rare. I wish we didn't have current Christian influencers speaking with extreme authority and condemning women for sinning because they don't "put out" enough for their husbands. But it's not rare. At all. And my heart breaks every time. So let's dive in. I"m not going to ..read more

"Why did God design NFP to be extra challenging for women? We are the ones who have to abstain when we most desire physical intimacy, if trying to avoid pregnancy." I hear this sentiment a lot. I get it. I've uttered these words before myself. But before we go any further, we need to establish what is true and what is not. First, God didn’t design fertility to be burdensome to either men or women. Yes, burden is what many couples currently experience. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it’s unfair. Suffering is NOT what God intended for us. He created us to be in union with Him; our wills aligned with His. H ..read more

Occasionally, I am asked if Marquette offers us *too much* control over our fertility. I totally understand why this is a concern someone may have. Because, as a recovering control addict, I have had the same thought! Consider what happened today. I got a “peak” reading on my monitor. The hormone, LH, was objectively and accurately detected, and this is the hormone associated with ovulation itself. I can now count three days past my last peak day and confidently assume the days beyond that are infertile. LH only surges once per cycle, meaning there’s not much else to worry about after the det ..read more

My shtick (if you haven't noticed yet) is women understanding themselves, honoring themselves, and moving society in a direction of embracing the strength and power of authentic femininity. A clear example of this is reproductive biology since that is a physically obvious difference between men and women. As a concurrent facet to wellness, mental health/emotional literacy is right there next to physical health/body literacy. They overlap, feed off each other, and are not mutually exclusive. Emotions have been scoffed at in society. Rational, cerebral experiences are valued whereas emotions are ..read more

Your cycle is irregular? “Check your progesterone.” You have severe PMS? “You probably need progesterone supplementation.” You have serious postpartum depression? “Get a shot of progesterone.” You had a miscarriage? “Your doctor should have had you on progesterone.” What is the magic bullet that seems to be the answer for all of our reproductive woes? Progesterone. Meet this necessary hormone that is produced by the corpus luteum (the sac left after the egg is released in ovulation). The second half of the menstrual cycle is ruled by progesterone. Progesterone prepares the uterine lining for ..read more

Ok, Catholic friends. Single. Married. Clergy. Future mothers-in-law. Grab a drink and let’s chat. A few weeks ago, our GodTeens came to our weekly meeting and informed us “Fr. _____ told us you can use NFP with a contraceptive mentality, and it has the same moral implications as the pill or an IUD.” Cue: fire from this NFP instructor’s ears. Contraceptive mentality. This term is too often misunderstood and incorrectly defined in Catholic circles. Sometimes out of ignorance, sometimes out of condemnation. Occasionally, it’s a term used to cut down fellow Christians with judgment masked as fals ..read more

O Jesus! Merciful and generous to allow co-creation with You, hear me. For the times I did not trust in Your love for me, Jesus, have mercy on me. For the times I lost sight of my spouse’s whole person, Jesus, have mercy on me. For the times I reduced spouse to his/her fertility status, Jesus, have mercy on me. For the times I have grumbled, been angry, or despairing, Jesus, have mercy on me. From the desire to be in control, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of what my friends and family will say, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear of being judged, deliver me, Jesus. From the spirit of selfishn ..read more

What exactly does "open to life" and "discernment about family size" look like? Does God appear (burning bush-style) and declare “it’s time for you to have another baby.”? What if you mess up and miss what God is wanting from you? When I got married, I was much less interested in what God wanted for my family and instead was very certain about my plan. We will have 1-2 years of “just us” time. Then we will have two children, approximately 2.5 years apart, and one will be a boy and one will be a girl. Or maybe both girls. In other words, perfectly spaced children with complete certainty about ..read more