Finding out your guy doesn’t love you back feels so rejecting. It hurts like crazy and crushes your self-esteem. It feels like you’ve been let down in the worst way when you least expected it. Your head races with terrible thoughts about how this could have happened, whether it’s hopeless, and what it means for your future, which can seem so dark. Does it mean you’re not lovable? First of all, no! It doesn’t mean that at all. In a moment I’ll give you proof, but more importantly, if what you want is for him to respond to you like an irresistible magnet so you feel attractive and desired, let’s ..read more

I remember what lack of intimacy was like in my marriage—terrible. It made me feel like what’s the point of even being married?! Every interaction was a painful reminder that we were NOT having deep conversations, flirting, or laughing together. There was no emotional intimacy and then no physical intimacy either. I felt rejected and neglected. I did not feel desired, something that’s really important to me. Since we’d started out with so much connection and playfulness before, I knew what I was missing, which made it even worse! I couldn’t tell myself, “This is just what happens when you’ve ..read more

First, a disclaimer: A coach recently shared with me that she decided to become a coach, even though she didn’t love her husband and believed she never would, because she just wanted to be kinder. She believed Relationship Coach Training would help her become kind, which was her goal—not to fall in love with him. She was actually kind of guarded against that. Then she spent a year becoming an expert on the 6 Intimacy Skills, practicing them at the highest level with her classmates. She surprised herself and did start to notice what a great man she had married decades ago. She came to a coach ..read more

It feels terrible when the guy who used to trip over himself trying to help and serve you is now only interested in staring at his phone or computer, staying at work all the time or playing video games. What a disappointment. You set out to be partners, but he isn’t doing much to contribute, which leaves so much more work for you. You don’t need me to tell you when your husband is not being supportive because you already know you don’t feel supported. The bigger question is, why isn’t he supporting you and what can you do about it? But first things first. Here are the signs he’s not supportive ..read more

Nothing feels lonelier than just eating with your husband in silence or living under the same roof but never having the deep conversations you’re craving. It feels terrible when the emotional intimacy goes missing like that. I still remember how miserable that was when it was happening at my house. So how do you get back to sharing your dreams, desires, and the details of your day? Here’s what worked for me and might work for you too. 1. Restore emotional safety One thing that shuts down conversations fast is when it’s not safe to say anything, for either one of you. Maybe you’re afraid he’s ..read more

Did you get married expecting it to look a certain way and then get let down when it didn’t? That is so discouraging and can even put your marriage at risk. These are the top 3 expectations that I had in my marriage and that STILL come up for me sometimes and for many of our students too. So see if you too identify with having these unrealistic expectations. One of the most insidious ones for me is #1: 1. Doing lots of chores and housework is the way to be a good wife Early on, I thought that my efforts to keep a nice home and cook meals and do his laundry and run errands and make his doctors ..read more

If you’re trying to practice the 6 Intimacy Skills in your relationship and they’re not working or you can’t remember to do them—or aren’t sure how to do them in your situation—that’s so frustrating and discouraging! You are not the only one. On The Empowered Wife Podcast, I interview women who have had success transforming their marriages because I want to talk about what’s possible for you and for your marriage so you feel inspired and hopeful. I invite guests to share how they did it so that you can try the same things. I don’t hold anything back because I want you to be empowered and make ..read more

Men are highly motivated to make their wives happy. Notice I didn’t say “some men” or “most men,” but just “men.” That’s because in my research where I asked thousands of men how important it is that their wife is happy, they ALL said the same thing. That “It’s the most important thing,” “Everything,” “It’s of utmost importance,” or in the UK, they said “It’s imperative.” In other words, they all wanted to feel like their wife’s hero. You might even think, like I did, that your man is one of those rare men who doesn’t have a hero instinct. A lot of our students thought that too, but I’m happy ..read more

Living with an addict is so scary. Here you’ve tied yourself to your husband for better or worse, and he’s gotten much worse. You question whether you should be trusting him with things that will impact your life when he’s always under the influence of his addiction. Addicts have a terrible reputation for making bad decisions, which can make you understandably anxious and even vigilant. It’s exhausting. What power do you even have? If he can’t stop being an addict, even though you’ve asked him to, told him to, and given him ultimatums, then what’s left? Since this blog is for empowered wives ..read more

I was the perfect wife. Right up until I actually got married. That’s when it all went kablooey. But I thought that I was a good wife because I: Did so many things to help my husband Worked so hard Was sooooo smart I handled all the money for our family Was great at economizing Cooked for him Was strong and tough So I gave myself at least a nine out of ten. But I wasn’t scoring so high on the wife scale with my husband John. That’s because I was actually an overbearing, prickly porcupine wife who thought she knew better than him about everything. 1. What Actually Attracted Him What’s funny ..read more