When I was 19 years old, suicidal thoughts consumed me. One clear memory; I came back from class and threw away my knives because I was afraid of what I would do to myself with them. During this time, I thought myself to be in love with a boy who told me he had no intentions to be anything for me. At that moment, he really hurt me. And a while later; his words meant absolutely nothing. The thing was; I had never been in love with him. We both misunderstood my intensity for a love pilgrim when, in reality, l was missing myself. Loneliness in aloneness I don’t know how you define it. But for me ..read more

Today I come to speak about the curse of knowing yourself too much. The paralyzing reluctance to mistake anxiety for intuition and intuition for anxiety. The fear of responding to perceived threats because you can’t quite place the motivation behind the bullets. The crippling regret of losing out on a good thing because you couldn’t help overthinking. A thing about diagnoses Any ethical psychologist knows that diagnosing a patient should be treated like a life-threatening bomb. It is a terrible thing to bestow someone with an identity that can affect their self-perception. This is part reason ..read more

I spent this past weekend on the road shaking hands with strangers while carrying an unsettling inner struggle.  I kept thinking about the idea of being with one person at a given moment for whatever particular reason. I had a particularly different stance in contrast to my previous stances. It was a good point of view. A good difference.  I kept thinking, for the life I am living, every connection I bind my life to lies a trail of other lives. For every sentiment I hold exists a binary of other ridiculous thoughts.  I think the best thing anyone can ever do for themse ..read more

A reoccurring struggle for a group of species is negotiating the need to depend on each other in the midst of conflict. Horrible as it may be, conflict and disparity maintains internal balance and self-respect. Conflict and disparity also separates and taunts. The anxiety of making a choice to come together with your counterpart in the absence of assurance is haunting. It takes guts to speak faith unto choices that bare no guarantees. The art of believing as well as exhibiting kindness during conflict is not for the weak. It is an act for the strong willed. Maintaining a momentum during turbul ..read more

I am at a loss, and it’s no one’s fault. If I was different, I would have put an end to it. But I am not. I am who I am. I am self-centred and limited. I experience moments first for myself, and second for others. I am selfish and care for myself first and foremost. I am subjective in my communication and choices. I hold my own meaning and understanding of the world. My loss began with a misunderstanding and lost meaning somewhere in spoken and unspoken words. Two friends not hearing each other while coming to their own conclusions about a complex and inconsistent context. We often lose relati ..read more

Lately I have been battling the contradictions that mark my life. I have been fighting the push and pull discourses and wisdoms that speak on the way of life. I find myself desperate to make the right choice. Popular or not, it should be right. I want to make a choice that wouldn’t have me shunned. In its longevity, I want to make a choice that never ceases to die. It might be disregarded sometimes, but its truth and reality recycles each and every time. I feel so trapped by my time on earth. Not in a depressive sense but I am not so far off. I am battling an existential crisis marked by a con ..read more

Yesterday I found myself in the pits of the internet following the life of Martha Graham. Born May 11, 1894 and died April 1, 1991, Martha Graham was an American modern dancer and choreographer who danced and taught for over 70 years. I was taken aback by the repetitive themes I identified with while engaging her words and thoughts about herself as an innovative dancer in the world. “I have spent all my life with dance and being a dancer. It’s permitting life to use you in a very intense way. Sometimes it is not pleasant. Sometimes it is fearful. But nevertheless it is inevitable“ “No art ..read more

When Freud talked about the three levels of the mind, he attested that the unconscious, preconscious and conscious mind can be in conflicts that lead to anxiety, which leads to the use of defence mechanisms. Essentially, this means that your anxiety and defence mechanisms interact. While some defence mechanisms are healthy and aid your anxiety well, some are toxic and do nothing for your anxiety except temporarily aiding it. What we want is for you to adopt healthy defence mechanisms with long term positive effects. We want you to face your anxiety and deal with it in a healthy manner. The thr ..read more

Life is beautiful by it’s own perpetual state. But a meaningful life is above all. A life of purpose nurtures and thrives on passion. Even with little to hold, the heart remains full. That’s why the worst thing that could happen to man is to live life without ever finding out what sets his soul on fire. The way I see it, lack of purpose is a symptom induced by an underlying disease; unfulfilled needs.   Fulfilling the needs begins with a clear, solid, unflinching, and prominent intrinsic need to be better than what you already are.  Unfortunately, this is not something you can magica ..read more

Some time back someone sent me an ex’s picture for laughs. A few days later I caught myself consumed by the sentiments surrounding our break-up. And I know this was not about that ex specifically because I also caught myself thinking about my other exes scolding myself for some repetitive commonality in these unrelated relationships. I wondered. Did these relationships end or did I end them? Did I run away? Perhaps I added 1 and 1 and got 3. Did my logic fail to translate well with my emotions? This is very plausible because whenever I encounter a love interest I think of every considerable fa ..read more