1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - I almost had a psyc ..read more

Ken Shimizu. He is 35 years old. He has 2 children. Shimizu never runs. Sleeps late. Eats whatever he wants. Even drinks beer instead of water. Eats dinner with many kinds of food every night.. . What does Shimizu do to get such a body? Shimizu doesn't have any secrets. Shimizu is the person sitting in the bottom left corner of the photo... As for the man standing in the middle, I'm not sure. Attached Images timeout_7829306.jpg (53.8 KB ..read more

Do you think it’s okay I give my late mothers jewellery (she just died) to my SA in the off chance I may get a Daytona, I mean my siblings won’t know I am desperate guys need your advice. Oh Mom has a car, think I could gift too she had it for years not sure the make, like a horse or rabbit badge. TIA ..read more

My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. That's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was her birthday ..read more

This guy got his a few months back it looks like… Attached Images IMG_6908.jpeg (45.6 KB ..read more

Yesterday I purchased a world map...gave my wife a dart and said to her "throw this and wherever it lands, I'm taking you for a holiday". Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge ..read more

I accidentally passed my wife a glue stick instead of her chapstick. She’s still not talking to me ..read more

Don't really know what to make of this, help me out here guys ..read more

A father passing by his son's bedroom Noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so ..read more

Good things to know: The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision. When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says. Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, "Close enough." Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I've ever done If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed. We're having a meeting "Your call is v ..read more