Yes, I thought he might be based on how he behaved with me so cold after telling him of the miscarriage and after contacting me twice after ” no contact” and telling him to pause text messages as we couldn’t express ourselves properly and we could do otherwise like talk on the phone . And his immediate response ” I understand and I am very sorry take care”. As soon as he gets confronted he starts being passive aggressive with his coldness ..read more

Good job blocking him. He might enjoy the feeling that he’s got female contacts, you know? A sense that he has “options.” Not enough info to know if he’s narcissistic. Narcissism is a spectrum. I think only 2% actually have the personality disorder, but yeah, he sounds self-centered and incapable of forming healthy mutually nurturing relationships with women, and just wants them to cater to his needs ..read more

Thank you so much all for your advice and support. He did add me back to his contacts, after I told him to delete my number as I would have delete his. I have blocked him. I think this man is a narcissist manipulator? What’s the sense in adding me back to his contacts? He could have still left me deleted and have access to the chat ..read more

If the vasectomy was recent, I think the odds are greater of an accidental pregnancy but ..read more

To Kate’s point, my brother had a vasectomy, and my sister in law ended up pregnant with their third. So while 1% chance seems, small. It’s still 1%. However, given this guys history, I would say he lied to you. As he lied to you the entire 5 months you were “dating ..read more

I googled it and got, “A vasectomy is a very effective and permanent form of birth control. In fact, with a 99.85% effective rate, it’s practically the gold standard.” So literally way less than 1% chance, right? He almost certainly did not have a vasectomy. It fits with the pattern of this guy not caring about anyone but himself ..read more

Kate summed it up well. This guy has been manipulating you and not treating you with genuine care. You are in service to him – his needs and his desires – and your needs don’t really matter. He has not been confused about his intentions, and his behavior isn’t confusing if you look at it through the lens of someone who really just cares about himself. His interest in you has always been limited by what he thinks you can give him and how much he wants what you can give him and how much effort it will take on his part to get what he wants from you (vs. how available what he wants is elsewhere ..read more

Sorry one more, consider whether he lied to you about a vasectomy in order to enjoy unprotected sex. I know they can fail, but what are the stats on that? Also, it sounds like 3 months of dating, followed by a couple months of intermittent messaging. 3 months is a classic inflection point for a man to pull away and not want to continue the relationship ..read more

And finally: Now, I’m left wondering if he was manipulating me all along—being sweet to keep me around while sleeping with me—or if he’s genuinely confused. No, he was just always the kind of guy who wants one-sided love and adoration from women, who dates sex workers while married (which he still is!) because they are offering him an experience that he wants and it’s *transactional*, and who, if he knows you love and care for him, will reach out from time to time for a bit of that dopamine. He dated you for a few months and was able to sort of cosplay love and affection, but it wasn’t really ..read more

At first, I was skeptical because many separated men use women as emotional lifeboats, only to leave them when their lives stabilize. Ok, and this is exactly what happened. You were totally right. After making the jump to his new life, he first pulled away and then actually broke up with you. This was a breakup: saying he couldn’t give me the attention I deserved and didn’t want to hold me back while he sorted out his life. But then, being a selfish jerk, he couldn’t just make a clean break, he had to keep bothering you. He doesn’t care at all about your feelings but kind of enjoys checking in ..read more