This was supposed to be a six month update post on life with Izzy in it but, between the trauma of breaking up with my therapist and trying to write that out of my system, it’s become more like an eight month update. I’m not sure how that much time with my baby has passed already but I’m so grateful to have found her, that we made the decision to bring her home. She’s snuggled her way into my heart and I adore her more than I really understood to be possible. As well as being a consistent source of joy, she’s an incredibly grounding presence and although I’m not sure I can describe it, she giv ..read more

And I accidentally abandoned this blog again… I’d always intended to take a break over January and February, to clear my head and to catch up on some of my end of 2023 blog posts, and while I obviously did take a break, neither of those things happened. Instead, I had a very traumatic break up with my therapist and I’ve spent the last two months or so in such distress that writing blog posts wasn’t even on my radar. Hopefully I’ll return to those posts and get them finished, posted, and out of my brain but, for the moment, I’m still feeling really overwhelmed and traumatised by those last thre ..read more

TW: Discussion of depression, self harm, and suicidal thoughts and ideation. Much like last year, I have no idea how to sum up this year. I don’t think I have it in me to write a long post that involves such intense emotions and I think that, if I wait until I do, we might all be waiting a very long time so I’m just going to write until I can’t anymore and that’ll be that. It’s just too hard. While there have been good moments (some of which can be seen in the collage below), it’s been a fucking painful year and it’s now the third New Year’s Eve that I’ve spent crippled by depression, suicidal ..read more

TW: Mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts. This has been a fucking hard year and there were multiple moments when I wasn’t sure I’d make it to this point; I’m not convinced I’m glad that I have. My anxiety and depression and chronic suicidal thoughts have been doing their best to swallow me whole; several people have suggested that I’m in autistic burnout and I wouldn’t be surprised but I don’t know how to be sure of that with the depression and CPTSD in play. I’m just putting one foot in front of the other, even when I’m not really sure why. It’s somewhat confusing to still recognise t ..read more

This week, from 2nd to 8th December, is National Grief Awareness Week 2023, run by The Good Grief Trust. The goal of the week is to create opportunities for people to discuss the loved ones they’ve lost and their experiences with grief in safe spaces and with people who’ve gone through similar events and emotions. After all, it is often easier to talk about difficult things with people who can relate. The organisation encourages people to put on events and arrange group meet ups during the week – online or in person – providing that safe space to talk. For my part, I thought I’d share somethin ..read more

An experience this week got me thinking a lot about distress and our reactions to it and I thought I’d share it here since it relates to disability and mental health and emotions and how these things are treated by society. So, here goes… Earlier this week, I was walking along the Southbank in London when my hypermobile ankle collapsed under me – as it does semi-frequently – and I fell onto the concrete. I was with my parents and one of them turned just in time to see me go down; she said that I looked like a puppet whose strings had been cut because I fell so smoothly. That’s not a bad d ..read more

‘Heal To Feel’ by Roseanna is out now! I worked on this song with her a while ago and now it’s finally out in the world! She is an amazing singer and writer and I love working with her, both on her music and on mine. Funnily enough, we had never actually met in person when we worked on this song, only hanging out and writing together over Teams during COVID; it’s very cool but kind of strange to see it finally out in the world! You can listen to it HERE ..read more

I really enjoyed doing the photo challenge in September so I couldn’t resist doing another one. It’s been a weird month though; I don’t know if I would’ve committed to it had I known what the month would hold, how exhausted and burned out I’d feel, but once I’d decided to do it, I had to follow through. Between how tired and how focussed on my current writing I’ve been, there haven’t been many opportunities to take unique or exciting photos but I’ve done my best. So here is my November 2023 in photos, as prompted by the Planner & Paper photo challenge on Instagram, Life in P ..read more

Somehow, getting a puppy has made my life both more and less busy. I’m constantly on the move – following her around, chasing her, playing with her – but my life is quieter – she’s so young and still getting settled so I don’t want to leave her – so I may have found a somewhat unusual way of doing less, out in the world at least. Having her around means that my day-to-day life ricochets from full on and exhausting to quiet and chilled out. It’s been a bit of an adjustment but I think it has given me a chance to recoup a bit. A bit. I’m still trying to get a lot done – I don’t think my relation ..read more

This week – from Monday 13th to Sunday 19th November – is Self Care Week, a UK-wide awareness week established and run by the Self Care Forum, a charity that aims to spread understanding about the positive impact of self care and helping people to implement it into their everyday lives. This includes the benefits of good nutrition and exercise, of taking vitamins (like vitamin D, especially for those whose health means they spend all or most of their time inside), of managing our mental health; they also guide people in making more positive lifestyle choices (to no one’s surprise, ‘homelessnes ..read more