As you might be aware, May is always the official borderline personality disorder awareness month, which means I do try and make an extra effort to post more to my blog and do my part in raising awareness, and I will continue to do so, but bare with me if I’m not as on it as I might be! But I’m kicking it off today with a bit of a late night ramble from a night where I wasn’t feeling my best and needed to let off some steam and give you guys some truths about living with bpd.  If you’ve just been diagnosed with bpd, or you have bpd and you’re wanting reassurance, this post might ..read more

Trigger Warning: this post will heavily focus on sexual violence trauma, particularly that of rape and spiking crimes and the aftermath. Please do a headspace check before reading this if this is possible to trigger you and take care of yourself if proceeding x I’ve spoken in drips and drabs about what happened to me three years ago, but never in completion and never enough to make me feel like I truly told my side. The first post I made I referenced it as a sexual assault, because i still wasn’t ready to admit what really happened to me. It took me a good long few months to admit that and ..read more

  I’ve been wanting to get back on here and write out some more helpful and informational posts about being borderline, my journey to an autism diagnosis and sexual violence trauma, but honestly? I haven’t been able to find any words for a long time to even try and describe how I’m feeling and how I can possibly turn those emotions into anything helpful or positive. I often forget that despite this blog being mainly informative and helping others feel less alone, it’s also my personal outlet. It doesn’t have to be positive and rosy because let’s face it, life isn’t always like that. Me ..read more

  The last week or two has been horrifically sad for many, the endless stories of women’s experiences with sexual abuse, violence and assault to prove there is no set scenario, person or place for an assault to take place has truly hit hard and home for many of us. And the response of the not all men brigade truly angering and disgusting as ever.  It’s truly so, so sad that we as women and survivors of assault and abuse have to share our very personal and very painful stories of our pasts just to make other people realise how real and raw it is. And yet men (and even women) still ..read more

  Two police officers have just left my flat, to deliver the news I’ve been dreading and yet anticipated. My rapist isn’t going to court.  I feel like my world is shattered all over again. To know that a man who is a police officer and a person of a public job and a rapist, gets to walk free like nothing ever happened, is the most awful stab to the heart I’ve ever received.  I knew going into the reporting process it wouldn’t be nice or easy, and the chances of court never mind conviction were slim. But to be dealt the blow for real is something else. It’s like the entire public ..read more

It’s no secret that the media we consume and today’s society has the tendency to glorify and romanticise mental illness and the symptoms of people with serious illnesses, and has done for a long time. As a kid I remember one show that vividly portrayed mental illness, and the symptoms of depression, anxiety, eating disorders and even psychosis in a way that, not obviously glorified it, but made the show and the characters show their struggles in a way that was “quirky” and almost “cool”, and it’ll be no surprise to people of a similar age group to myself when I say this show was, Skins. In ..read more

  Rape is something that is often still seen as a taboo subject, despite it being a very sad common assault for far too many people. But when we do talk about rape, we talk about rape culture, the rape myths, that the blame is always the rapist, about consent, about stories of individuals harrowing experiences, but something we don’t talk about enough is what it feels like to live as a survivor of rape, dealing with the trauma of what happened to you.  We don’t talk about how your life turns upside down from that moment onwards. Or even years later, when you finally unlock that bo ..read more

  Many people believe that autism is a scale from 1-10. From not autistic, to very autistic. When in fact it is much more like this, a colour spectrum wheel. Autism is a spectrum disorder, which doesn’t mean that you can be a little or a lot autistic, but rather that there are multiple levels and spectrums to autism in varying areas of life. Such as anxiety, social interactions, noise sensitivity, depression etc. This is why most autistics much prefer the visuals of a spectrum wheel, where you can see the varying levels of an individuals traits.  For me, I appear very much a ..read more

  Today is the 16th, and as of today I have been admitted to a psychiatric unit as an informal inpatient.  This is not something I necessarily wanted for myself or what my loved ones wanted for me, but my recent actions and my actions of last night where I attempted once again to take my own life mean I am at too much of a risk to myself to be supported in the community anymore. I’m very scared, I feel very alone and I’m not sure what the future holds for me, but for my own sake and the ones I love, I hope this is the start of a better future and a better life for me.  I’m pas ..read more

  So my last post was all about relapsing, so I guess world suicide prevention day came at an apt time. I want to talk today about suicide, and suicidal thoughts. I've written a post about feeling suicidal before which you can catch up on here, but today I want to come back to the topic Feeling suicidal is so much more than the want to die, sometimes, yeah that's all I can feel, is this overwhelming sense of "I just don't want to be here", but others it's so much more. It's feeling like you can't be helped anymore, no therapy, no talking, nothing can help this depression, this sense of ..read more