My heart is heavy; the heaviness permeates my body….. even my soul. Fourteen years might as well be fourteen hours. The month I dread…. October ….. the date I dread… the 11th. My mind tells me to focus on the positives… the wonderful life John Michael had.  This day will pass; my joy will return, for joy is not a feeling; it is a mindset, an inner peace that only comes from intentional living and great faith.  Faith…. a paradox of sorts that includes trust of “what lies before me is the best to come”….. And the bit of fear of knowing I am alone in that quest.  I know people will ..read more

This mama wants nothing more than to remember sweet times and memories as July 27 arrives again. Two weeks ago, my sister Karen was cleaning and found a copy of John Michael’s resume from his junior year of high school and brought it to me.  At first a tear started to slowly fall, but quickly I began to smile while reading how much he had accomplished by his 16th birthday.  A tough summer as my daddy passed on June 14, 2000.  John Michael loved my parents so much that he said if anything ever happened to Skip and me, he didn’t want to live with my younger siblings and their fami ..read more

The summer of 1984 was hot and dry – just like this summer.  Due any day to give birth, Skip would take my sister-in-law Ramona (pregnant, also) and I for a jeep ride – every night we would stop at Baskin-Robbins – then, ride around Stillwater, hoping to help along John Michael’s arrival, as he was a couple of weeks overdue. My brother Jim had just graduated from college and was a new accountant for Price-Waterhouse – stuck in western Oklahoma counting grain in silos – or something like that.   Every summer for the next 25 years would find us celebrating somewhere special – a va ..read more

Dear John Michael, I just received a phone call from Grandma….. she wanted to read me a card you had sent her. For some reason, it suddenly appeared in a drawer she had opened. The postmark was July 1999. You were writing it in the car, telling her we were on our way to an ice hockey camp in Minnesota, but were traveling through Wisconsin getting ready to stop at a “cheese place.” You went on to tell her we had hooked up a tv in the suburban so you and Will Rivard (“a cool friend”) could watch movies on the trip. You were telling her and Papa about the mission trip you had just returned from i ..read more

Journeys……. we are all on a journey, taking either a familiar or uncharted path; as we meet each day with its twists and turns, we forge ahead on our “forever journey”… spending countless hours in our dreams and hopes for our future; then, when we least expect it, we are suddenly stranded, trying to find our way.  How quickly our hopes and dreams turn into tears and sadness.  We are lost; we are confused; we struggle to find our way back.  But, there is no way back; we can only travel forward.  Dear John Michael – 12 years, but only 12 minutes in my mind.  You were my ..read more

Valentine 2021 Journey, I began this blog as the first “anniversary” of John Michael’s passing was approaching – it literally saved my life.  As the first “anniversary” of Skip’s passing approaches, I will continue to blog as my journey continues…… while trying to put life into perspective, many thoughts raced through my mind, but most of all was the thought that on any given day, some are celebrating their happiest day while others are celebrating what they deem as their unhappiest.  Not to be frivolous in any way, I think what happens to us is relative to us only.  The purpose ..read more

Dear John Michael, As I remember your life, the past eleven years are as though it was just eleven hours ago; the words say years, but the heart says it was like yesterday when Dad and I, hand in hand, took that final long walk out of the hospital…. Alone, for the missing piece – you – would forever be missing from our lives. We were three, but as one we lived.  Everything in our life had centered around being the best parents we could for the gift God had given us.   Immediately, we held on tight, taking turns being strong for each other.  Immediately, we began to remember ..read more

Dear John Michael, What a glorious birthday for you this year……. to spend it with your daddy and Uncle Bubby. Selfishly, I write that my heart is so heavy. When you left this world, my heart broke in half; no words can describe the missing piece that will never be whole. Your daddy always made sure to take care of me on days that were so hard – I smile when I think how on Mother’s Day, he always tried to find animals with new babies, especially baby calves, as he knew what joy it brought me to see a mama and a baby…… then, on your birthday, he made sure that we always did something we enjoyed ..read more

Today marks the day ten years ago that during the early morning hours, John Michael Gore took the hand of Jesus with his famous beautiful smile as he was at peace with the world.  Hand in hand, Skip and I took our longest walk — through the halls of the hospital and out to the car, not knowing the journey we had ahead. Last week, another young man left this life – memories began to flood as we were told of his passing, as he had played along-side of John Michael “on the ice” all through junior high and high school.  I have waited to contact his parents – I know too well what lies ah ..read more

A few weeks ago, I was surprised with a birthday party, bringing together my sister and two nieces and many of my friends – some from childhood, some from high school, some from college, and then “new” friends that I’ve made as an adult. I truly believe that there are no chance meetings – all those who cross our path have done so for a reason; reasons that we may never know.  But, those who were with me last month to celebrate my birthday, not only crossed my path, but stopped along to be there during my darkest days – those days before and after John Michael left this earth for a Heavenl ..read more