A Leg to Stand On
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
Allow me to introduce you to Devin Stratton, a 25-year-old Utah man who captured himself on video accidentally falling off a 150-foot cliff while skiing. Horrifying, right? He surely didn’t survive and, if he did, he’s probably paralyzed or hooked up to countless machines keeping him alive… right? Nope. Devin walked away uninjured, without so much as a bruise. After falling off a cliff. A cliff! Meanwhile, earlier this summer, the doctor told me I have a tibial plateau fracture. Did I have a similar cliff-related freak accident? No. I tripped over a doggie gate. In my own home. I ca ..read more
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Not ______ Enough
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
I will never forget the first time I felt “less than.”   I was onstage and in costume, ready to perform for the very first time at the local Greek festival. Our dance troupe director was welcoming the audience and explaining the origin of our opening number. The girl standing next to me in line started to ask the dancers in the immediate area “how much Greek” they were. She went down the line.   “I’m 100%.” “100!” “100.” It was my turn. “I’m half Greek,” I said. The “100%” crew proceeded to exchange high-fives and accolades with each other. I had just turned five. We see one-up ..read more
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Helping Others to Understand
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
“I’m exhausted.”   “Oh, me too! I know exactly how you feel! I went to bed really late and haven’t had my coffee yet!”   How many times have you been stumped in describing how you’re feeling, simply because you don’t know how to respond in a way in which a non-MSer can relate?   We sometimes use metaphors like spoons or fuel tanks, and while those are fantastic visual representations, I long for more realistic examples similar to ones that people have experienced themselves.   There have been attempts at this. There was the ALS ice bucket challenge, in which people wou ..read more
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Why Me?
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
Why me? No matter how lasting or fleeting, it’s a question that we instinctively ask ourselves—myself included. But why? Perhaps the reason many of us open the can of “why me?” is because there is so much we have yet to learn about a disease with no known cause, no early detection, no predictable path of symptoms, stages, or prognosis… and no cure. We feel desperate for information, any information, that can help us understand. It’s scary. But while it might simply be an attempt to feel in control, “why me?” is the most dangerous question we can ask ourselves whe ..read more
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Silence: A Missed Opportunity for Education?
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
My mouth is dry. My heart is pounding. I’m beginning to sweat.   No, I’m not about to perform on a stage or give a speech to a roomful of people… and yet… everyone is looking at me—not at him—waiting, expecting me to do something.   Or are they?   I’ve just arrived at a small get together, hobbling in with my walker. I’ve barely have made it through the door when I hear someone, over all other conversation already in progress, loudly exclaim:   “Hey, gimpy!”   Those words have stopped me in my tracks, and I scan the space for the source. Ah. Right there. It came from s ..read more
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Dear Cat…
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
July 1, 2013   Dear Cat,   Look at you sitting there, tapping your feet and fidgeting with your hands in that cold, grey exam room. You’re moments away from receiving medical confirmation of that little monster that has been haunting you over the last few months, probably years:   You have multiple sclerosis.   But you already know that. Even so, hearing the diagnosis you feared being stated so casually aloud will cause your tough guy façade to short circuit and you’ll paw frantically at the tissue box offered to you by your new doctor’s assistant.   Oh, why didn’t you ..read more
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Out of Sight, Out of Mind
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
“I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me.”  -Ralph Ellison, “Invisible Man” I’m 5 foot 8. Half of my head is shaved. I wear bold makeup and jewelry. I’m hard to miss. And yet somehow, I have managed to (quite literally) stumble upon the secret to attaining one of the superpowers I’d mentioned in another article I’d written late last year: invisibility. Regular readers of my blog or of one of my more recent MS Connection posts know that I’d recently sustained a tibial plateau fracture, which has rendered me essentially imm ..read more
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Flying My Fatigue Flag
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
I tried not to make eye contact with her in the elevator while I pushed the button for the floor directly above us. I knew that it was bound to happen sooner or later, and I hoped that by not looking at her, she wouldn’t engage. But it did happen. It only happened just that once, but it was enough to make me feel about an inch tall.   “You’re so lazy!” she exclaimed. It was meant as a joke, but she wasn’t exactly known around the office for being timid or tactful. Joke or not, I immediately went on the defensive. She didn’t know I didn’t sleep well the night before. She didn’t know I coul ..read more
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Choose Your Own Adventure: A Day in the Life
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
One of my favorite books when I was a kid was a Choose Your Own Adventure book, in which I chased Carmen Sandiego all over the globe. Paragraph by paragraph, I decided what my next move would be in order to find her. It was fun and, without me knowing it at the time, it taught me how to make educated choices and that, based on those choices, there would be some sort of consequence, no matter the outcome. Having a disease like MS is a lot like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. My entire day is filled with important decisions to make that will carry a great impact, even lasting into the next few ..read more
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The Last Laugh
it's only a bruise.
by Cat Stappas
2y ago
My heart is in my stomach.   My mouth is dry and he’s standing there, almost bracing himself, scanning my face for a reaction.   But I am numb — not in the tingly MS way, but I’m briefly stunned, mentally and emotionally.   My husband has just revealed to me that a longtime friend of his, someone he trusted in moments of private human emotion, has likened me to a child and, further implied, a burden.   A burden.   My first instinct is to approach this, leading with my current emotional state and with the ferocity of Cujo, himself. Did this person really expect my husba ..read more
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