“My wife, Jacy, had been sick for quite a while.  Her continuous pain and delicate condition required constant care and commitment.  Many sleepless nights were spent tending to her needs and working to ease her condition.  Days, weeks, months – it required time, care, effort, stress, and stamina to work to make her comfortable.  The day that Jacy died, she had suffered…the pain showed through and then she slipped away.  Why did I not try harder?  Why could I not find a way to help her?  Why could I not ease her suffering?  On top of feeling the sorrow a ..read more

Miscarriage, or the spontaneous loss of a pregnancy before the 20th week, is a common occurrence. Mayo Clinic reports that “about 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage” (1). With the CDC reporting more than 3.7 million children are born every year in the United States (2), it can be inferred that over a million people in the United States may be grieving the loss of their child through miscarriage every year. Studies suggests that many suffer their grief in deep isolating silence (3,4,5). Unfortunately, we observe the same thing in practice. Grieving mothers and fathers Parents experi ..read more

(Note: I often refer to loss as the death of a loved one, but grief and loss can also involve many types of losses. For example: loss of a relationship, loss of marriage, loss associated with work and jobs, loss of a loved one who is present physically but not present mentally or emotionally, loss of someone who has disappeared from your life, loss of an animal, among other losses). We often talk about the grief that happens after a loved one dies. Today I thought it might be helpful to talk about the grief we feel when we learn that someone we love is going to die. Anticipatory grief (somet ..read more

Living with grief can be difficult. The sadness, the aching, the dread – for some it feels like a hole in the gut and for others like your heart is broken into a thousand pieces. Some days you might feel like you are “doing okay” whereas other days are a moment-to-moment struggle. When special days or holidays approach, the anticipation alone can intensify your feelings. Regularly celebrated holidays like New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, the 4th of July, Memorial Day Weekend, Veteran’s Day, Thanksgiving can magnify the fact that your loved one is not present and intensify your feelings of grief a ..read more

Many years ago, it was common to experience major losses in younger years, even as children. Back then people lived and died at home, with several generations living together in the same house or neighborhood. Even the youngest children were around to see and experience the death of family members. Children grew up watching how people cared for the elder generation unto death, the children felt the loss and grief and learned how the family mourned together, participated in the wakes and funerals in the home, and experienced how people supported each other in grief.  Over time, the marvels ..read more

Someone once told me that the most difficult part of their grief was trying to figure out where their loved one went. Yes, we are aware that our loved one died, but…where did they go? How could this person who was so alive, so full of life, love, personality, humor, intention – how could they simply be gone? It baffles the mind. When we think of our loved ones who have died, who we miss so dearly, we may feel nauseated, unable to focus, and unable to breathe.   It’s a direction that in certain instances we just can’t let ourselves go. We may have commitments that must be kept (e.g ..read more

Are you considering grief counseling?  Are you nervous or uncertain about whether to begin or anxious about what happens during grief counseling or therapy? If you are feeling this way, rest assured that your feelings are normal. Why do I feel this way? Most people feel nervous or hesitant about coming to their first counseling or therapy session, especially if they have never been to therapy before. Some people worry about becoming emotional, and others worry about what to expect. It makes sense. Everybody tends to be nervous or unsure when going to someplace new or when they are not sur ..read more

Grief is a journey. The metaphor speaks volumes. It suggests what grief typically is (i.e., a long meandering exploratory journey), and what grief definitely is not (i.e., not a quick trip to the grocery where minutes later, you’re out, done, and onto your next errand). Grief’s journey is part of life and a part of life’s journey. But in no way is grief a romantic notion – anyone who has ever grieved knows this. When you’re in the thick of grief, it’s hard to see the journey’s path and that can be scary. Even the familiar feels foreign and unknown. Writing on the death of his wife, the first t ..read more