Maybe it’s a call or message asking for your spouse/partner. Or you bump into an acquaintance in the market. Or at a social gathering. And the other person hasn't yet heard about your loss.These unexpected encounters with someone who isn't aware of the death can be especially difficult, leaving you feeling: - Discomfort as you struggle with how to reply. - Possible pain at hearing your partner’s name brought up. - Resentment as you feel compelled to take care of the other person’s reactions of shock and embarrassment. Here are some ways to respond to unexpected queries about your spouse/p ..read more

We discovered this poem on thegriefblog.com . A Tribute to a Departed Husband It doesn’t really matter Why nor how nor when. It’s just never ever easy To lose your very best friend. You did so much together. You shared ideas too. Now time alone is so very hard For both family and you. Music gets you thinking About so many past events. The places that you went to And all the times you spent. The future looks so scary. How will it be alone? What will happen to you When your future’s so unknown? Just remember that this person No longer by your side Would never want you miserable You kno ..read more

In this couple-oriented culture of ours, there is often pressure from well-meaning family and friends to date soon after your partner has died.  Although this usually occurs more to younger widowed, pressure at any age is unwelcome. Any decision about dating is yours alone. You may need more time to heal from the loss and are clear about not wanting to date at this time.  But you may change your mind down the road. Or you may be clear that you are definitely not interested in another romantic relationship. Whatever your choice, it’s a personal matter and others need to respect th ..read more

1) In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. - Albert Camus 2) Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment. - Napoleon 3) We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. - Martin Luther King 4) If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.- Milton Berle 5) The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective. - Al Neuharth (founder of USA Today) I In I ..read more

The first year following the death of a spouse is filled with many “anniversaries”, occasions that can stir up memories both happy and sad. Contributer Deb Edwards shared some recollections that the anniversary of her husband's death triggered for her: Hard to Believe It's Been a Year This is a tough month for me. Last year at this time, I put my husband Dale into hospice and began preparing myself for the inevitable (as much as you can “prepare”). But it was a very special time; we made our amends and reaffirmed our love. I was able to make two of his wishes come true before he died: to rec ..read more

1. No matter how far we travel, the memories will follow in the baggage car. - August Strindberg 2. We do not remember days; we remember moments.  - Cesare Pavese 3. Making the beginning is one third of the work.  -Irish Proverb 4. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other. -Walter Elliot 5. Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.  -Buddha ..read more

If you’re living alone since your spouse/partner’s death, getting a pet may help with the following: 1) The silence. Being alone in your home may be comforting at times, but at other times, the silence can feel uncomfortable. 2) Safety concerns. Even if your partner was ill, there was probably an illusion of protection just because they were around. Having a watchdog can be reassuring. 3) Companionship. In addition to providing unconditional love, a pet can be a great listener. Research has shown that pets can help increase the health and quality of life of their owners. “T ..read more

In Part 1, we looked at one of the unfortunate consequences of losing your spouse/partner: losing some couple friends. The best way to counteract the pain of these losses is to reach out and create new friendships with others who are single. Although you may be initially uneasy with the idea, try the following: a) Contact single friends you already know and get together for coffee, a movie or other activity. b) Consider joining a group that reflects your interests or hobbies. Check with your place of worship, local Chamber of Commerce or neighborhood hobby supply stores for groups or club ..read more

While you and your late spouse/partner may have enjoyed friendships with other couples, the situation usually changes once you are widowed. Making the shift from being part of a couple to being single can be difficult. While you may choose to continue with the comfort of couple friends, you’ll probably find some of these relationships fading away. The loss of established friendships means yet more losses to deal with at a time when you’re already bereft. It’s normal to feel hurt, abandoned, rejected, angry or all of the above. In Part 2, we’ll offer tips on how to cope with this situation ..read more

Feeling comforted by keeping some of your late spouse/partner’s possessions for a time is a common reaction for many widowed people. There are, however, limits. Just consider Queen Victoria, that symbol of perpetual widowhood. When her husband died suddenly in 1861, Queen Victoria officially decreed that “mourning for the Prince consort shall be ordered for the longest term in modern times.” According to biographer Greg King in his book, Twilight of Splendor, “Windsor (Castle) was immediately draped in black crepe; so much was used that the entire country’s supply was depleted within a d ..read more