It's the weekend again another topsy turvy day with emotions all over the place, I think it's a combination of a bit of fear,  pain and the drugs I'm on. They are doing great at holding the cancer back but on the other side of the coin they are now messing around with my thoughts and emotions. Today I woke up felt great, heard the birds singing then I remembered I have cancer and the fear came flooding back, I had trouble getting going this morning, putting weight on my right leg was really painful for a few seconds the pain shot right up into my thigh as if my leg had been lasered. My g ..read more

I've got some good news I'll tell you later.? What a difference a day makes in my topsy turvy mind, the dark cloud had drifted away this morning. We are supposed to be going to see Mama Mia in the West end, family meeting we all decided it was best for us not to go due to the rising covid infections and me now coming under the label of immuno suppressed it would be a risk for us and in particular me to go.  I felt awful as it was my fault that we were not going. I had a long think , catching covid would be a disaster for me at this present moment my immune system is sleeping and I do ..read more

Wednesday Not the best of days today I feel like a cloud is hovering over my head, it's my own personal cloud, it's cold and drizly and it's following me around like a puppy would with his master. Every so often the cloud sends cold wet rain on to me, it feels like icy finger clawing my back. I can do nothing. I guess you could call it a bit of depression, it's an over used word in my opinion, my kids tell me they are depressed about homework or any small thing, they are learning the word far too easily, but when you have it no one's opinion matters anyway. I feel like I don't want to do anyt ..read more

New year New me There was a point a few months ago when I found out I had cancer that I was wondering if I would see the New year in, you know it's strange but when you are first told you have cancer you just don't know anything. I'm sorry Mr Woodward you have cancer , what the hell. Well it took a good few weeks before I was able to ask the question you know like from a movie , is it bad doc, how long have I got doc? I never thought I would have to ask those type of questions at this time of my life. I was relieved when the answer came back in years rather than months or weeks , the truth ..read more

I'm lying in bed it's 6.20am, yes I punch the air triumphantly, I've slept right through, this is good this starts the day off on a good foot. It's not often I sleep through I'm afraid. You can't underestimate the power of a good night's sleep, it recharges the batteries of your mind and stops you feeling cranky.?? The bed is feeling soaked with my sweat thanks to these hot flushes I'll be shivering next as the flush dies down, it's going to get real interesting soon when they put me on a stronger hormone injection. I'm going to melt then freeze on and off all day , the joys of the male menop ..read more

It's now Dec 29th and I'm really pleased to say I have had a big shift in many ways to the positive.? My sciatica had almost disappeared which is a massive positive and just being without that pain makes my world a better place to be in. It started to gradually lose its grip on me just before Christmas day and sinse then it's got less and less, now it's down to an occasional pinch, just a reminder to say hi Woody I'm still here you know, my reply is yes but I'm not paying attention to you now and you can't hurt me anymore. The walking stick looks forlorn, I say to it sorry old buddy but you ..read more

Friday was my worst moment in this adventure , when the doctor told me it's an agressive form of cancer it hit me hard. No matter what I've gone through so far you still don't believe it's all real, I'm just in a dream, it's not reality I will just wake up soon and go back to my normal life training ambulance drivers. This was a massive wake up, it was a knock on the door, this shit is real Woody and you have got to do something about it now before it's too late, I've got to change me to fix me It's hard when your told it's never going to be cured, it's a form of cancer that will keep coming ..read more

7 20am dragged from my sleep by the sound of two excited girls, it's Christmas day I heard through half cloosed eyes still in a kind of dream or was it real, it was hazy but nice. I looked over to the window with a feint hope of seeing that orangy grey glow that happens when it's just snowed but that wasn't to be this christmas, no frost either as I got out of bed a walked over to the window to get my first glimpse of Christmas day on the outside. Dressing gown on and after my usual tentative walk down the 3 flights of stairs I realised there was no pain in my right leg nor numbness, this was ..read more

I'm writing this while the feeling is still fresh and real, I've just come back from the urologist with my results from the biopsy. It isn't good I'm afraid. I'm sitting in me car because I know I can't drive safely right now. My cancer is highly aggressive , out of 10 it's a 9, how do you deal with that shit, sorry mum I make no apologies for any bad language I use for the next few minutes. Right now I feel Ive just been sentenced to death with no chance of parole, the grim reaper is sharpening the sythe, the bastard. I suppose 9 is better than 10 I knew it was bad but not quite that bad, i ..read more

I went on a walk today, just to get a roll of bin liners, normally I would jump in the car and drive to my local Morrisons, the journey is about 10 mins each way.I've taken some pictures which I want to share with you as we go.❤️ You can see Rochester Castle and Rochester Cathedral in the distance I decided to walk it , but not along the road, I would take an alternative route and walk alongside the river Medway. I wasn't sure how long it would take as I hadn't done this route before but I knew there is a route into town. A view of the river, you can see it's very quiet not in a hurry t ..read more