Stepcouples Blog
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I'm Ali. Welcome to my website Step by Step Mom. Inspired by my own experiences, and the experiences of the stepfamilies I work with, I write about the stresses of day to day challenges in step families and provide simple solutions to help you sort out the mess.
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
We are in unprecedented times- so they say. I agree with this…but there is very little direction on what steps we can take to get through this time of big and sudden change that is impacting people across the globe. We are in a time of the collective consciousness shift. I love how Brene Brown describes this as we are moving from me to we; my to our; them to us. Fear and panic are seen everywhere and sometimes it’s vividly portrayed on TV as people are stockpiling toilet paper and hand sanitizer. We are bombarded by the images of people in hazmat suits and body bags. It’s frankly shocking and ..read more
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
“How do I set myself up for success with my new partner and his kids? We are thinking about moving in?” I’ve been having this conversation in a few different venues lately, and I get asked this question a lot!!! It”s an important topic and I love to talk about how to set your self up for success right away. Plus, a request came directly from a poll I sent out to my email list. And I even have some stepdads ask. So here are some tips on dating a divorce parent:
Let him parent as good or as bad as he does. You didn’t break it you can’t fix it and you shouldn’t try. If you do, there ar ..read more
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
To the stepmom who is struggling right now
I feel you… I was there too. I too felt like an outsider, never feeling like I was part of the premade family. I wanted to belong and feel accepted too. I know what that pain feels like. I remember at a particularly rough time, feeling like I had been kicked in the gut and an elephant sized weight on my chest. My mind racing in shock and disbelief at what had happened. And my husband was stuck in the middle. I couldn’t control anyone else but me. So I did. It took intentional work. And to be honest, I wish I had a stepfamily coach to help me navigate ..read more
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
Once upon a time there was a woman who married a man who had kids. Despite her best intentions and best laid plans, things didn’t always work out as she had expected or hoped they would. She poured her heart and soul into nurturing his children because she love her husband. And then came the annual tradition of celebrating women who gave birth to children day. And then her story got worse. The end.
Does that sound relatable at all? I know it does for tens of thousands of stepmoms across the globe. But I am going to give you 5 tips to help you through the tough day ahead so you can come out wit ..read more
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
photo courtesy of Andrea Piacquadio/Unsplash
Resentment is like drinking poison, expecting
the other person to die
Malachy McCourt
Resentment is such a GREAT and extremely important topic to talk about. It’s a heavy burden to carry.
I did a quick poll in my stepmom groups to ask some questions about resentment. I wasn’t surprised by how many responded. Nor was I surprised by what were seen as the biggest sources of resentment. In first order it was money- either how much the steps got or how much went to the ex and how much their own kids or their house had to go without, the next most ..read more
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
Once upon a time there was a woman who married a man who had kids. Despite her best intentions and best laid plans, things didn’t always work out as she had expected or hoped they would. She poured her heart and soul into nurturing his children because she love her husband. And then came the annual tradition of celebrating women who gave birth to children day. And then her story got worse. The end.
Does that sound relatable at all? I know it does for tens of thousands of stepmoms across the globe. But I am going to give you 5 tips to help you through the tough day ahead so you can come out wit ..read more
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
With our world still in disarray because the pandemic is still in play, we are faced with new challenges in our stepfamilies. Despite the uncertainty, time moves on. We are now entering the unknown of a pandemic during the rapidly approaching holiday season. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and we will be celebrating many more traditions and festivities with our family and friends come December. What do we do? How can we handle more stress, more expectations, more opportunities with more at stake than the last 6 months? It really is so critical right now to focus on peace, pace an ..read more
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
To the stepmom who is struggling right now
I feel you… I was there too. I too felt like an outsider, never feeling like I was part of the premade family. I wanted to belong and feel accepted too. I know what that pain feels like. I remember at a particularly rough time, feeling like I had been kicked in the gut and an elephant sized weight on my chest. My mind racing in shock and disbelief at what had happened. And my husband was stuck in the middle. I couldn’t control anyone else but me. So I did. It took intentional work. And to be honest, I wish I had a stepfamily coach to help me navigate ..read more
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
We get soo bogged down with the outside noise of our busy life. When you ask someone how they are doing, you so often hear “I’m really busy” as the reply. It’s TRUE! Work, friends, volunteer work, extended family commitments, housework, yard work parenting AND stepparenitng. We are ALL STRESSED OUT. Some of the world is getting back to old routines and adapting to the changing landscape of the pandemic and now we are EVEN MORE STRESSED OUT!
When our emotional bodies are stressed out our nervous systems are stressed out. We are a swirling pool of chemicals called stress hormones tha ..read more
Stepcouples Blog
3y ago
With our world still in disarray because the pandemic is still in play, we are faced with new challenges in our stepfamilies. Despite the uncertainty, time moves on. We are now entering the unknown of a pandemic during the rapidly approaching holiday season. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and we will be celebrating many more traditions and festivities with our family and friends come December. What do we do? How can we handle more stress, more expectations, more opportunities with more at stake than the last 6 months? It really is so critical right now to focus on peace, pace an ..read more