Sometimes we go into a one-down space and spin in shame, other times we might go into a one-up space and justify our poor behavior by blaming others, both responses that harm our relationships. When we can, instead, approach our struggles from an ‘all people are equal’ mentality, we have the capacity to offer ourselves grace for our humanity. Understanding that all people are humans who make mistakes, who are figuring it out, levels the playing field and gives us permission to offer ourselves and others grace for those human moments. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this co ..read more

Divorce is one of those experiences that kicks you in the chest and knocks you on your butt, and it can be so difficult to get back up. And yet, at some point we have to get back up and step back into life. And though it's a tough road, it isn't impossible and it doesn't have to take forever. In this podcast I share some of my own insights about my divorce and four suggestions on how you can get back up on your feet feeling stronger and more capable than ever before. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #22 Divorce and the Kids Part ..read more

All of us have people who don’t like us, even if we are the most kind and Christlike person we know.  It’s just part of our human experience. When we can learn to accept other people’s agency to not like us, we can let go of self-defeating behaviors like people-pleasing, perfectionist tendencies, trying to buy their love with time, money, energy, or resources, or beating ourselves up for ‘not being enough.’ The stronger our sense of self, the more we don’t need other people liking us, or validating us, to feel valuable and of worth. It really is okay if other people don't like you. Thanks ..read more

Expectation is a funny word. It means that we think something should happen a certain way or that someone should behave in a certain way, two things we rarely, if ever, have control over. What I’ve found is that expectations I have are often a cause of shame for the other person, and also for me. And shame is never a productive emotion. And yet, it’s hard not to have expectations. So, how do we move away from the expectations we feel entitled to have and instead offer more grace for humanity and more kindness for struggle? Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept? &nbs ..read more

All relationships struggle, so all relationships need repair. Knowing how to repair is an essential skill for creating healthy and happy relationships, and that darn ego of ours can make it so difficult to show up in loving and kind ways because it wants to be right and it wants to prove to our spouse how wrong they are. But learning to show up creating a safe space for our spouse, especially in the context of a relationship struggle, is a valuable relationship tool that will change the trajectory of your relationship, while at the same time providing you with the self-care necessary to increa ..read more

I love Viktor Frankl’s quote “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I am reminded by this that my power, my strength, and my freedom is created in the space between the stimulus (circumstance) and my response (my actions). But sometimes that space can seem so, so, so small.  We can tend to react impulsively, without thought, rather than responding thoughtfully. How do we increase the space, so we respond with intention, with valued alignment, rather than reacting with without tho ..read more

Just as women were raised with societal ideas and expectations around their sexuality, so were men. And so many of these ideas are actually harmful, and even destructive, to the emotional intimacy we desire in our relationships. In this podcast my husband, Sione, shares the concepts and ideas around sexuality that he learned growing up and how he learned to address them to create the emotional connection we now share.   Download Transcript Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife ..read more

Learning how to be vulnerable can be a scary and tough skill to acquire. So can learning to let other people in our lives be vulnerable. Because when others show up vulnerable, it can shake our ideas about who they are, it can shift our relationships, and it can challenge our own difficult emotions. But relationships will only thrive toward greater intimacy when we are vulnerable and when we create a safe space for the other person to be vulnerable as well. Learning to allow and even embrace others’ vulnerability is the next step to greater emotional intimacy in your relationships. Thanks for ..read more

Many of us grew up in homes where we didn't receive any training about vulnerability in relationships. We were fairly uneducated about emotions, and it is very detrimental in our marriage relationships. My previous 24-year marriage struggled with a severe lack of vulnerability, and today we're talking about why that was such a problem and the difference vulnerability will make in your emotional intimacy. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: 190 Protective Walls 215 Being Seen and Heard 242 Circling Back Around 341 Choosing to be All ..read more

If we are going to be all-in in our relationships, we have to be vulnerable, and that can feel super scary.  Sometimes it's difficult because we are in a new relationship and it can be hard to be the one to make the first move. Sometimes it's difficult because our decades-long relationship is struggling and it's been a very long time since we were vulnerable with each other. But until we truly step into vulnerability, we will never create the deep, intimate, connected relationship we crave. So, how do we start being more vulnerable? That's what we're talking about today. You can find an E ..read more