In case you didn't know, I took my time, gathered my guts, composed myself, structured my thoughts, and told you everything I felt you needed to know. I put it all out there, poured it all out for you. But even after that, nothing changed. In fact, as usual, you dismissed my feelings, making me feel like I was the little child you still think I am.  So here is a note to my younger self: it was never your fault. You were perfect just the way you were. The world was mean to you, you didn't deserve that. But know that you are blessed, because you are a fighter. You have a heart bigger than t ..read more

What does forgiveness look like? It can look like.. "I'm okay now. Let's be friends again." "I'm okay now. But let me take my time to just get back to 100% again." "I forgive you, but I will never forget the hurt you caused." "I forgive all of this, but I want to be alone until I am ready to deal with life again." "I feel better, but I will never feel whole again." "I'm okay now. We're okay. Let's start things over as better human beings." "I forgive you. I understand why you did that. Just never do that again." "I forgive you, but I still cannot understand why you did that." "I'm ok ..read more

I'm learning better to listen to my body. To listen to each of my own body parts. I try to detect when the nerves behind my back are starting to get tensed. I try to detect when my body just needs to rest. There's nothing to prove to anyone. We don't need to be "supermoms" or become super highly active people to show to the world that we are greater than others. When we need to rest, just rest. When experts say that we don't need to do workouts more than a certain number of hours per week, just listen. When we know that we need to sleep at least 6 hours a day, just do. Live mindfully. Live wit ..read more

They say, either you take it, leave it, or change it. But what if, you've tried all options and nothing just works. You take it, you live in pain. You leave it, you live in guilt. You (try to) change it, you live in frustration because nothing changes. What if, you just learn to let that pain live inside you, but you keep growing yourself, loving yourself, expanding yourself, adding new fun experiences inside yourself, so that day by day, that sadness becomes no longer significant. It's still there, but it's not as loud as before.  ..read more

2024 is the year I will turn 40. It's genuinely a disbelief for me that me.. me.. ME.. I..? I am turning 40? LOL. Just literally yesterday I went to pick up my daughter from school and when I went to the reception counter, she gave me a "student form" to fill in. I guess I still look the part for a high school student? :D But yes, 40. But age is just a number, really. Who cares. You do you. You feel you. You feel how you feel inside. You don't have to change yourself just because of a number. Stay hungry, stay foolish, stay curious, keep learning, embrace life with an open mindset because ther ..read more

Finally back in Indonesia. For the summer holiday. Today I took the Bluebird taxi home, the driver was old and friendly, asked a lot of questions about me which felt very sincere and genuine. So I told him about my life in Switzerland. He was so fascinated and curious about how life is on that other side, so I told him the many things I love about the country, about how different it is compared to Indonesia without trying to compare the two countries in a condescending way of course; just basic, realistic comparisons. At the end of our conversation, he said to me: "Miss, I'm so happy to hear ..read more

Just 3 months until 2022 is over?? I don't get it. I know we always say this but it truly feels like this year went by so so fast. This year has been so fulfilling but incredibly mentally challenging as well for me, it's not easy, it never has been. I was thinking the other day..where do I get my energy from? And I realized, most of the times, I get my energy from sadness. I channel my sadness into making something, perhaps that is why I like smileys so much? Because they make me happy or feel better? It's funny isn't it. Our hearts are so gentle, our minds are so fragile, we need to take care ..read more

 I don't know how to explain it. It feels heavy. It feels suffocating. It's stuck inside me. I've been trying to get rid of this feeling, but it stays. The past few months have been difficult. I have been trying to heal myself through various ways, but it's just not working. I'm disappointed. A recent chain of events this year have triggered me to remember my past, some hurtful things that I didn't even remember, and now I understand that that was my brain's self-defense mechanism to cope. I erased it, or buried it (?), until recently it resurfaced again. I'm disappointed. Of how I was tr ..read more

"What do you do?", new people I meet will ask me. "I'm a designer and book author", I tell them. Yes, a designer AND author. Pretty ironic though that this author hasn't been able to write anything for the past two years. Not even a single page. I even struggle in writing a blog post nowadays. I told this to my husband the other day and he said to me, "just write whatever is in your head at the moment". Ah, yes. How could I have forgotten that. Perhaps I have been asleep for too long.  "How are you?"  "I'm fine", I will most often reply with a smile. I'm fine, I really am. I just l ..read more

2020. What a strange year. It started with big hopes, high expectations, a strong sense of optimism that 2020 will be a new decade for great, amazing things to happen, but it rolled into a mix of confusion, fear, panic, stress, anxiety, apathy, and sadness for the loss of so so many people. It became a collective feeling of "we're all in this together", but also divided because of the many ways we each decided to respond to it; to wear a mask (or not), to stay at home (or not), to meet friends (or not), to travel (or not), and once again we retracted into our own bubble and decided to think of ..read more