Avoiding Vulnerability: Valentine's Day Edition
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
2d ago
We all long to feel loved, cherished, and prioritized in our relationships. But when that longing feels unmet, many of us don’t reach for vulnerability—we reach for criticism. Instead of saying, “I’m scared you don’t love me anymore,” we say, “You always forget Valentine’s Day! You never make time for us ..read more
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When Avoiding Vulnerability Leads to Miscommunication
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
1w ago
In our relationships, true connection blossoms when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Yet often, instead of opening up and sharing our deepest fears and needs, we settle for “vulnerable lite” questions or even criticism as a way to mask our true feelings. The result? Communication becomes confusing, and our emotional connection begins to fray ..read more
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When Rhetorical Questions Derail Connection: Validation vs. Dismissal
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
1w ago
As a couples therapist trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), I’ve seen time and time again how seemingly harmless questions can ignite cycles of conflict instead of fostering understanding. Rhetorical questions like, "Why can't everything just be okay?" or "Why can't you just let it go?" may appear to be attempts at problem-solving, yet they often do more harm than good ..read more
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The Flipside of Blame: Why “It’s All Their Fault” Leaves You Powerless
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
3w ago
I’m a therapist, yet I sometimes catch myself feeling completely justified in blaming my wife. Whenever that flood of entitlement rolls in—where I’m convinced our issues must be her fault—I know I’m stepping right into the same old fighting cycle that can derail our connection. If I decide to “let her have it,” throwing criticism her way over how she did something, I can practically guarantee she’ll shut down or snap back. Neither response fosters closeness ..read more
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The Power of Rituals in Relationships: How Small, Regular Acts Can Deepen Connection
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
3w ago
Not long ago, my wife picked up a three-year journal filled with daily prompts—simple questions that invite you to reflect on different aspects of your life. Every evening, she and I spend the last ten minutes of the day jotting down our thoughts in response to the prompt. It has become a small yet powerful ritual that not only closes out our day together but also encourages us to co-reflect on our shared life ..read more
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Why Talking About Sex Feels So Difficult—and Why It Matters
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
1M ago
For many people, the idea of discussing sex openly—even with a long-term partner—can feel overwhelming. There’s a persistent sense of embarrassment or anxiety that surfaces the moment someone says, “We need to talk about our sex life.” But have you ever paused to consider why that conversation triggers so much discomfort ..read more
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The Silent Killer of Relationships: How Emotional Neglect Creates Distance and How to Address It
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
1M ago
When people think about relationship problems, they often picture loud fights, betrayals, or dramatic ultimatums. Yet, one of the most destructive forces in any marriage or long-term partnership is far quieter: emotional neglect. It’s subtle, easy to overlook in daily life, and it creeps in gradually, eroding the emotional bond between partners. Over time, these small acts of neglect create a growing distance, leaving both partners feeling unseen, unheard, and disconnected. The good news? You can address and repair this pattern through intentional action and greater emotional awareness ..read more
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Feel Entitled To Your Opinion? Here's How it Can Backfire
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
1M ago
Have you ever felt a burst of righteous indignation toward your partner, convinced that you’re entitled to tell them exactly how you feel—right now? That surge of “I need to say this!” can feel empowering in the moment. Yet, it often serves as a red flag that you’re entering a fight-or-flight state. When strong emotions like entitlement or righteous indignation arise, your next words have a high chance of being unproductive and even damaging to the relationship ..read more
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When the Urge to Speak Out Signals a Fight-or-Flight State
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
2M ago
Have you ever found yourself feeling a surge of energy, a rush of indignation, or a sudden conviction that you’re absolutely entitled to tell your spouse exactly what you think? It might feel like clarity in the moment—like you’re finally standing up for yourself. But what if this feeling is actually a red flag that you’re triggered, and about to make a poor decision that drives a wedge between you and the person you love ..read more
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When Hopelessness Becomes a Weapon in Relationship Conflicts
Heartfelt Counseling Blog
by Michael Kosim
2M ago
At its best, conflict can help couples grow closer through honest communication and mutual understanding. At its worst, conflict can spiral into frustration, miscommunication, and emotional shutdowns. One particularly insidious pattern that can emerge is the use of hopelessness as a “weapon” during fights. When one partner’s despair and surrender become a tactic to avoid deeper issues, both individuals—and the relationship as a whole—suffer ..read more
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