As soon as Beth and Tony got in the therapist’s door, they started to share their perspective with the therapist of what the other should be doing differently than what they were.  After several sessions of this, the therapist reflected that while each of them is talking about each other and the situation to the therapist, neither of them is talking with their partner. As any therapist who has worked with couples for longer than a few minutes can attest, individuals often come into counseling because they feel unheard, disrespected, or unimportant to their partner.  However, it isn’t ..read more

Sally had been raised to believe that she could only trust her parents and church and that reaching out to outsiders could lead her into sin.  It was as if God was waiting for one misstep from her to disqualify her from the faith.  However, the Bible says that love keeps no records of wrongs and that God is love.  So, when Sally wanted to reach out for professional mental health care, she was nervous.  Unfortunately, there is a toxic belief out there in some Christian circles that implies that getting psychological help is not okay with God.  While a human counselor wi ..read more

Religious or spiritual abuse is a topic that is a tricky subject to discuss because the very nature of belonging to a religious community or subscribing to a certain belief structure can sometimes make it challenging to know if a legitimate premise of the overall structure is to be adhered to as a valuable and healthy tenet or if it is something that isn’t right and unhealthy. Since right and wrong are often the guidelines that Spiritual communities serve, it can get confusing as to whether those things that don’t sit with us don’t sit with us because we are committing some kind of human error ..read more

Would you like to be more productive and have more peace?  Then, the art of reflection just might be something that you would benefit from trying.  If you aren’t already in the habit of reflecting, it may take some practice to get into a routine and find a place to fit it into your schedule.  However, the benefits may more than save you the time that it you put in to doing it and may even save you time as you contemplate future actions that may produce more efficiency. Reflection is the skill presidents have used when they’ve documented their days in office in their journals, w ..read more

It’s probably a pretty good bet that there isn’t anyone who wants to be emotionally abused, right? Yet, it sometimes happens so subtly and abusers are so skilled at manipulating others close to them that you might not even realize it is happening to you at all or maybe not for a long time. Consider the experience of a woman who grew up in a home where her parents ran the show.  She thought they were good parents because they told her they were.  After all, what would she have to compare them to?  They were the only parents she had. Yet, when she expressed her feelings or needs ..read more

Everyone experiences times of more intense emotions from time to time, such as the top-of-the-world feeling of falling in love or getting a new job, crying at the loss of a pet, or feeling like laying on the horn or uttering some choice words when someone cuts you off in traffic.  After all, we are humans and have feelings. Yet, there are other times when our feelings and our actions may indicate a need for some professional counseling help.  If you or someone you care about notice any of the following, it might be a good time to reach out for help. Experiencing Habit Changes:  ..read more

Whether sexual in nature or strictly emotional, affairs take place when needs that are to be met inside one’s marriage are sought to be met outside of it.   It might start as a fairly innocent encounter with someone who appears to be able to provide what pre-straying spouse may feel they lack, be it understanding, respect, excitement, power, desirability, escape, admiration, or whatever the trait may be.   One thing leads to another, and the lines begin to blur.  Justification starts to take place, excuses, and maybe even guilt.  However, once things are in moti ..read more

Every marriage has times where communication comes easy and free, but every marriage also has times when topics come up that present opportunities where more difficult conversations need to be had.  Although they may be uncomfortable, if they are necessary, there are some techniques that can make them easier to navigate. Here Are Some Tips to Help Select An Appropriate Time- Don’t bring up a difficult conversation topic in the middle of an argument or when you don’t have time to see it through to an effective resolution.  Select a time when you are both going to be well-rested, able ..read more

When a Christian client goes up to a secular therapist’s door, there can be some apprehension.  Questions like, “Is this person going to be able to really understand and respect my beliefs” and “What if they make me do something I’m not spiritually comfortable with” might come up.   One great thing about the counseling profession is that counselors are not ethically supposed to impose their personal viewpoints on clients.  So, while every therapist has their own beliefs, as long as they attend to the client’s values in the therapeutic relationship, the potential difference ..read more

A client once said that she can’t seem to connect with God and hear from Him in her life.  While she really felt this and believed it to be true for her, it was clearly inaccurate.  The reason that it was easy to point this out as a fallacy to her was that she was sitting in a therapy session with a Christian therapist who cared about her, and she was actually making actionable progress toward her goals.   The therapist response was something like, “You don’t think that God sees you, hears you, or is speaking to you?  Aren’t you here?  Haven’t you been looking for ..read more