Happy September and Autumn!  With September comes the transition from the relaxed, playful, easy breezy summer into the transition of new routines, structure and consistency. While this summer, in a pandemic, may not have felt very easy breezy, you might be looking forward to the routine of Fall. My First Responder Family clients, especially those with an Operational Stress Injury, are sighing relief that structure is starting in this season. A routine, allows our brain to know what to expect and calms our central nervous system. Consistency is helpful for us as adults and espec ..read more

Swearing and raised voices in the car. Slamming the steering wheel. Children crying.  These are not the visions we dream about to start a family vacation. When our First Responder has an Operational Stress Injury (depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress injury) this can be our reality. Vacation brings with it the three things, transition, unpredictability and the unknown, that can flood our First Responder's already taxed central nervous system.  If you are like I used to be, this causes you as a First Responder Spouse to feel helpless, angry, defeated, confused and disappointed ..read more

As First Responder Spouses we often look after everyone else before ourselves. We can fill in our calendar with roles and responsibilities, forgetting to put ourselves on the list. It is no wonder we can end up feeling resentful, exhausted, overwhelmed, irritable and run down. If you feel this way, I want you to know there is hope. You can feel energetic, alive and passionate about the life you are living again!  How do I know? Because that was me ten years ago as a First Responder wife, homeschooling my children, working part time and caring for everyone else except myself. If it is one ..read more

Sometimes I wish healing from an Operational Stress Injury of PTSD, would just be simple, care-free and wrapped up neatly with a bow. But alas, it doesn’t work that way and we shouldn’t want it to. In my experience, the best things in life come from the struggle in the dirt, even when it seems impossible at the moment. When we first started our First Responder Family healing journey of Operational Stress Injury (PTSD), I made tons of mistakes. I was an overfunctioner and enabler. I did not set boundaries or have core strength. I was taking care of everyone else and neglecting myself. My ..read more

Things don’t change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it. – Henry Cloud and John Townsend This was a kick in the pants for me. How does it sit with you? Until I changed, nothing changed. In fact it got worse. The more I tried to appease, to placate the mood swings, distract from the tension, ignore the phone thrown across the room, pretend things were normal for our kids, overlook the criticism and contempt creeping into our communication.. the worse it got. Maybe you can relate? Let's read it again t ..read more

As First Responder Families we are in challenging times and our First Responder Children are feeling the impact. Grief, stress and anxiety are some of the main emotions I hear from our First Responder Children and our First Responder Families right now in my clinical and coaching practice. COVID-19 has disrupted our First Responder Family’s rhythm, possibly increasing stress in our homes. The impact of their First Responder Parent working while the rest of the world self isolates can increase our First Responder Children’s anxiety. It has affected our children’s world with school closures, job ..read more

Families are busy. You get up in the morning, get the kids up, dressed, fed and out the door to school. You might not even get the chance to see your spouse because they already  returned from the night shift and are in bed or they are up before you and already gone for the day shift. After the chaos of the morning, you head to your own job and spend your day busy as well.    At the end of the day everyone in the family returns home in a variety of emotional states. Some of us might be happy and energized from the day, while others might be checked out and on their phone, or may ..read more

Growing Up in a First Responder Family Last week, I discussed the effects of secondary stress on the spouse of a First Responder. This week, the topic is still secondary stress, however I would like to turn the focus on how children of First Responders are affected.  When a First Responder parent develops PTSD, their children may also begin to show signs of PTSD. A child does not have to experience trauma firsthand in order to develop issues from it. Secondary stress in children can present in a variety of ways that might not always seem to be related. If you have more than one child, sec ..read more

Being a First Responder Spouse is challenging in so many ways. One of the biggest challenges is dealing with shift work when all of your friends and family live a 9 to 5 lifestyle. You have to miss out on birthday parties and dinners out because your spouse is working the night shift. While sitting alone at your kid’s hockey game or dance class, you find yourself repeatedly explaining to other parents why your spouse can’t come. Someone tries to ask you if you watched the latest episode of a popular weekly show, and you tell them you haven't seen it yet because you promised your spouse you wou ..read more

  Looking through old photo albums my child asked me, "Mommy why don’t you smile like that anymore?" At the time I was a stay at home parent, homeschooling our children and working part time as a social worker around my First Responder’s work schedule. My husband was a homicide detective with an operational stress injury. An operational stress injury is a continual physiological and psychological difficulties that arise from work duties as a First Responder. It can include anxiety, depression, post traumatic stress, addictions, and other obstacles that might interfere with ..read more