May, 8, 2023 It’s a funny thing about updates. Writing was easier when I was getting treatment infusions every three weeks. To pass the down time and fill in the space left behind when singing was impossible, putting words to paper opened a needed avenue for creative expression. Like singing a good song though, my desire to write requires a bit of drama. Perhaps drama isn’t the correct word to use here, maybe communicating a shared emotion based on the human experience is more appropriate.  A bit of drama never hurts though when expressing a depth of feeling that validates our tears, our ..read more

February 21, 2023 These past almost eight months have had me in a state of semi normalcy. Again, a relative term, what is normal? Setting the alarm on my phone to remind me to take my daily meds, the every six weeks blood work and 3 month PET/CT is vastly different from the previous six+ years of IV treatments. My previous scans ranged from every six weeks to every twelve depending on the treatment and whether I was participating in a clinical trial. Same goes for blood work, every week to every three weeks. I give thanks every time my port is accessed as the veins in my hands and arms are vir ..read more

November 17, 2022 Struck by the synchronicity: On November 7, 2016, I was sitting in the infusion room getting my first doublet dose of chemo, looking at a 5% chance of surviving five years and feeling scared, overwhelmed, sad, mad and fragile. When I look at the picture of myself and that first infusion, I can’t help but wonder where that woman has gone. She was angry and pissed off that she was being asked to walk this path, and rightly so. I feel so much compassion for what she/I went through on that day. Determined to make the best of a crappy situation, spinning her wheels trying to find ..read more

August 14, 2022 I’ve been delaying getting my teeth cleaned. Yes, I know, a healthy mouth means a healthy heart but my heart hasn’t been the number one concern. First, it was Covid and my March 2020 cleaning was cancelled. When I got the notice that it was once again safe to visit my dentist, my nausea was so awful that the thought of sitting with my mouth propped open for an hour brought on anxiety dreams. But six years of chemo caught up with my teeth and my two front uppers as well as the lowers began to chip. This was not a good look. I knew what was coming, they were going to take one loo ..read more

July 5, 2022 On May 5th, I was scheduled for a PET scan to see how things were going since starting back on Enhertu after February’s surgery. Prior to the scan, I told Melissa, my radiology tech, that I had been experiencing gripping abdominal cramps, nausea and vomiting for the past couple of days. Of all the scans I’ve had in the past six years, Melissa is probably the most familiar friendly face. Knowing that what I was experiencing was not normal for me, she requested a stat reading of my PET results (inconclusive according to the radiologist). Feeling worse and already at the medical cent ..read more

March 15.2022 “Now is the time to pick your favorite dream.” That’s what Dr. Fischer, my  anesthesiologist, said to me just before I was given a kiss by Jim for good luck, followed by a sedative to help me relax. Dr. Fischer was superb in her willingness to spend as much time as was needed with me before surgery. She listened to my past experiences with anesthesia and promised that I would not wake up in pain, nor would I experience any nausea. She delivered on her promises. She never said she would do this but I have a feeling that she was letting me know what was going on all the way th ..read more

February 14, 2022  Oophorectomy. Actually, a Salpingo Oophorectomy, that’s when they take out the fallopian tubes along with the ovaries. Not a hysterectomy, the uterus stays to stand guard over the nether parts.  My ovaries…that’s where the cancer has been very slowly increasing for the past many months. Must mean that the treatment I’ve been on has stopped working, right? The answer is not necessarily that definitive.  Cancer care is complex, as much art and intuition as science. When what might be considered oglioprogressive disease presents, the idea is that just that area(s ..read more

I experienced a Christmas miracle this year, yep, a downright honest-to-goodness miracle. My December scans showed resolution in the area of my lung that we were concerned could be progression. All other watched lesions fell within stable parameters and we didn’t need to be concerned just yet with a change in treatment. Christmas Day was spent watching Ben diligently rip the paper off his presents to get to the surprises inside. At ten months old, he was a bit confused with our delight at watching him do something that didn’t seem that out of the ordinary. Paper shredding is a favorite pastime ..read more

11/13/2021 We can see it coming down the track, rumbling slowly, very slowly, lights on, announcing its progress with a distant whistle.  We heard the whistle and felt the rumbling last week. The study drug has done exactly what we had hoped it would do for the past fourteen months and officially, my watched clinical trial lesions are still considered stable. However, the past two scans have shown slight changes in the pleura and lower lobe of my right lung. It’s unclear if these lung changes mean progression but there is reason for concern. On a good note, the slowness of this train mean ..read more

7/19/21 It’s been five years since the pain I experienced while taking a deep breath took me to the ER which led to a stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer diagnosis. Five years of chemotherapy treatments. Five years of hair loss and hair gain. Five years of weight loss and weight gain. Five years of saying hello, we are on this path together and goodby, it is an honor to know you – see you on the other side. Five years of devastatingly painful losses and still, five years of encouraging gains. During this five years we’ve maneuvered through a pandemic. Didn’t see that one coming but didn’t see c ..read more