Vanilla Sex vs Kinky Sex: Which is Better?
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
3M ago
Are you struggling to mix things up in the bedroom? Worried that your sex life may be getting stale? Too scared to try kink? Well, let's figure out which kind of sex is best for you. Getty / Morgan Johnson I wanted to write a post breaking down vanilla sex and kinky sex. What are they? Which one is better? And how to know which one is right for you.  What are they? Let’s start with the most well-known kind of sex, vanilla sex. Vanilla sex was originally defined as a traditional version of sex that promotes heteronormative, patriarchal values/behaviors. This means that sex took place betw ..read more
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The "Don'ts" of Polyamory!
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
5M ago
Zoe Finley Poly relationships can be confusing. They tend to be a choose-your-own-adventure kind of relationship and for some, that is a dealbreaker. For me, I am all for it! As someone who consider himself a specialist in the poly lifestyle, I have learned that these kinds of relationships can be extremelty successful. Research back this as well as the poly lifestyle continues to be on the rise. As someone who is polyamormous himself, I work a ton with clients who are coming to it for the first time. As much as I would love to say that these people come to me at the beginning of their journe ..read more
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Five Tips when Bottoming for the First Time
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
7M ago
Bottoming can be fun for everyone but can feel intimidating to first-timers. Here, I talk about my top five tips to help those exploring it for the first time. Image: Yann Bastard First, let's explore some myths. Anal sex is for everyone. Men, women, gay, straight, pan, genderqueer, young, old, it doesn’t matter. Yet, people think you have to be a certain kind of person to enjoy it. Let's look at three toxic beliefs: First, it is said that women don’t like anal sex and don’t need to do it because they have a vulva/vagina. Second, if men put anything in their butt, it automatically means they ..read more
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10 Tips for Mind Blowing Intimacy!
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
1y ago
Intimacy, or feeling connected to a partner on a physical, emotional, or sexual level, is an energy that needs to be worked on in each and every relationship. With this list, I hope to provide some tips and tricks that hopefully spark a connection in your relationship. Enjoy! 1) Communication is key! I think the number 1 tip that you will hear from most sex therapists is centered around the importance of communicating. Communicating what you want allows for a truer authentic experience of pleasure compared to just assuming or guessing what your partner wants. I love the idea of focusing on th ..read more
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Telling Your Partner About Your Kink: A Four Step Guide
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
1y ago
Understanding your kink is the first step when incorporating it into your relationship. Sexuality is wild. We can get trapped into asking ourselves, Am I normal? And to answer that I ask, What is normal? Normal has historically been defined in terms of purity culture, toxic masculinity, and sex negativity. So when looking at that, do you really want to call yourself normal? We all have kinks that range from more socially acceptable (anal) to less socially acceptable (sadism). We can't help that some are more "socially acceptable" than others, but that does not mean that they are better or hea ..read more
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Monogamy vs Polyamory: What is Right for Me?
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
1y ago
With nontraditional relationship styles on the rise, how do you know which one is right for you? Relationships are not as straightforward as they once appeared to be. From traditional monogamy to various forms of polyamory, our society is becoming more open to the idea of non-traditional relationship dynamics. As an advocate for sex positive actions, I love this. It gives us the freedom to break free from the confinements and ideals of the past and push head-first into the "new age" of relationships. So what is polyamory and how do you know if it is right for you? *Author's Note: Although I a ..read more
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10 Things People (Still!) Don’t Get About Consensual Non-Monogamy.
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
1y ago
2022 has been a year. The Russian invasion of Ukraine was awful. The overturning of Roe v Wade was unthinkable. The sex negative response to Monkeypox. There are so many moments to cringe at when reflecting on this year. But with all of the negativity that we experienced, there were some positives as well. Our world continues to become more fluid in gender and sexuality, which is a huge plus when looking at reducing shame. Recently, same-sex marriage was codified, which provides lasting protection for the queer community. So as we wrap up this year, I thought I would talk about my favorite to ..read more
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Five Ways to Be More Sex Positive
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
2y ago
Our world is filled with so much shame around human sexuality. Here are five ways to break free from it. The number one topic I deal with on a daily basis as a certified sex and relationship therapist is sex negativity. No matter if I am talking to a client, reading an article online, or watching a television show, sex negativity is everywhere. In short, sex negativity can be defined as viewing sex as bad, dirty, wrong, shameful, and sinful. Erotophobia, or the fear of sex, is present everywhere we turn. So how do we go about fighting back against this never-ending onslaught of fear and shame ..read more
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Busting 10 Myths about Intimacy and Relationships
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
2y ago
From orgasms to theories of love, there are so many myths and misconceptions in this world around intimacy and relationships. Below are 10 that I come into contact with on a weekly basis. An orgasm is required One of the worst things that has ever happened to us as a society around sex is when we learned the fallacy that one must achieve an orgasm for sex to be considered completed and successful. While yes, an orgasm can feel great for some people, not everyone can have one. So what do we tell those people? The amount of pressure this notion has put on individuals of all genders has resulted ..read more
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Horror and Sex: Why You Should Incorporate Scary Movies into Your Sex Life!
Cleveland Sex Therapy
by Matthew Lachman
2y ago
As a lifelong fan of horror movies, I thought I would spend some time talking about the connection between the genre and intimacy. First, let me get a few things out of the way: Scream is my favorite franchise (closely followed by Halloween), I DETEST demon/possession movies, I am onboard with horror/comedies, and I have never seen The Exorcist (see above for reasons why), but I plan to this summer. Now that I got that out of the way, let's talk more about sex. When researching for this post, it was hard for me to narrow down what I wanted to talk about because the connection between horror m ..read more
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