The following is an excerpt from Erin Davidson’s upcoming book Break Through The Breakup coming out on June 8, 2021. Or, if you’re an Allura client, ask your counsellor to arrange a book pickup from the office for $25. Pre-Order your copy now! Practicing Self-Compassion During Heartbreak Self-compassion is a practice that I’ve seen transform both my therapy clients, and myself, time and time again. But what exactly is self-compassion? In recent years, Dr. Kristin Neff, the leading researcher of self-compassion, has studied the centuries old Buddhist practice. At its core, self-compassion is a ..read more

Trauma leaves you feeling confused and hurt. You forget what normal is. Sometimes you hold onto it by hiding it in the back of your mind. What you went through doesn’t disappear overnight. And the effects of that trauma can stick with you for as long as it takes you to heal.  Don’t you owe it to yourself to feel at peace in your own body, in your own skin? When we talk about sexual healing and experiencing intimacy after trauma, we may think sexual abuse is the culprit for our sex problems. But the truth is, trauma is a spectrum. And sexual abuse is only one type of trauma people experi ..read more

Sex positivity is on the rise. Conversations surrounding contraception choices and abortion are increasingly headlining media outlets and sparking movements; Casual sex and serial dating are normalizing in society. However, the continued vilification and demoralization of folks contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs) showcases how much work there is to be done. The daunting image of STIs is surprising given their ubiquity: 50% of sexually active people will have at least one STI by age 25 – HPV being the most common. This statistic follows the upward trend of STI rates in Canada ove ..read more

When you look at your sexual desire, are you happy? You may think yes, of course, that's definitely not my issue when it comes to my sex life! Or...you may stop and think about how you relate to your desire. You may be thinking of the days when your body responded almost instantly to seeing your partner, the two of you would jump each other any time you wanted to, or you were having sex way more frequently that you are now.  As sex therapists, when we see clients just like you in our office, they feel that their low desire has robbed them of their identity, the happiness and connection ..read more

As a sex therapist, clients of all genders, ages, and walks of life come to ask me many questions. By far, some of the most common questions are: how do I feel more desire? how can I get in the mood more often? how do I figure out what I like? These questions most often come from women, who have been told their entire life to shut off and disconnect from their sexuality and sensuality and that “good girls don’t”, while also being told from the other part that they need to be sexy in order to keep their partners happy, they should be wild in bed, and so on. What a confusing message! No wonder ..read more

Sex isn’t something you just start doing at whatever age and you learn from there. No no, you’ve learned about how to relate to sex and your sexuality since the time you were a child. We are sexual beings from the time we were born until the time we die, with latent periods throughout. To clarify, when we say you are a sexual being does not mean you experience sexuality in the way everyone does - even asexual people are sexual people - they have their own relationship with sexuality like anyone else, even if that includes not experiencing much to any sexual attraction, desire, or feelings to ..read more

“We used to have sex all the time, we’d just each other’s bones the moment we got home from a date. Now, I’m lucky if we have sex once a week.” This might be one of the most common things couples say to me when they come in to see me. The number one reason couples go to sex therapy is around “mismatched desire/sex drives”….meaning? we don’t want sex the same amount. This almost never seems to be an issue at the start, when things are often hot and heavy, there’s lots of sex, passion, excitement. Yet, somehow, within the first year or so, that dwindles away and then the issue of mismatched driv ..read more

As sex therapists, we often hear from clients how intimidating sex toys can be in general: size? vibration? colour? shape? material? type of stimulation? the list goes on and on. From a variety of brands to websites, it can be hard to know what works best or even, how to tell your partner that you’re interested in adding sex toys to your sexual experiences together. Let’s break down some of the myths that we’ve heard and also tell you some truths! 1. Will adding a sex toy make my partner think they’re not doing things right? (Answer: false!) Nope! Sex toys are a fun and easy way to ensure you ..read more

Monogamy – the way many relationships begin and people expect to fall into when they first begin dating. Our history as humans is muddled of whether we began in non-monogamy or monogamy but as time went on, we began to settle into monogamous and exclusive relationships that would offer us safety, security, and connection from one persona and one only.   And that was working for you, it made sense. It worked and you were both happy. Except, now you’re sitting here, reading this because it no longer feels like the best choice for the two of you. You’ve either had this on your mind but have ..read more

After years in a long-term relationship, I commonly hear that sex has become monotonous and lack-luster. Couples feel like they resort to doing the same activities and routine when it comes to sex because it’s easier and at that point, despite having more connection than ever, the sex has dwindled down. Esther Perel, in her book, Mating in Captivity, explains how eroticism and long-term relationships don’t really go hand-in-hand in an odd paradox that shocks most people and most of my clients. In fact, as connection increases and we have greater safety, there are less questions of “will they l ..read more