As I look over twelve years of my blogs, I keep coming back to the issue of prioritizing solving sexual and relationship problems. I continue to notice too many individuals and couples who falsely believe they can solve their own issues if they simply try harder. This is magical thinking that keeps people stuck. Often people do not value their relationship or themselves enough to pay for sex therapy. They do not blink an eye at paying high ticket prices for concerts or sporting events, but they hesitate to pay for a qualified therapist. They look for cheap therapists, and then they find that y ..read more

I was one of a handful of leaders of the sexual revolution which peaked from 1973 to 1975. I was in the media. At the time I was a human sexuality professor at The University of Georgia, and at Syracuse University. The revolution encouraged sexual pleasure with consent and with honesty and responsibility. It was not detrimental to women, as is argued in a recent book by a young journalist who was not alive during or close to the revolution. Louise Perry is a 30-year-old author of The Case Against the Sexual Revolution. She wrongly assumes women did not enjoy casual sex and friends with benefit ..read more

Porn is full of larger than average erect penises. Men look at porn and worry that they are not large enough. The average penis is about five and a half to six inches erect. The girth varies, but some women are mostly focused on a man’s net worth more than their penis size. Apparently, the net worth turns some on! From my work as a certified sex therapist, too many men fret about their penises. Are their penises appealing? Are they too small? Most men do not have penises that are too small.  There is no safe way to surgically enlarge a penis. I appeared on a national TV show about this ye ..read more

If you have a good memory, you vividly recall past sexual adventures. Erotic memories of hot sex with your partner and with other lovers are triggers for sex in the present. Couples can relive their torrid past in the present when they recall earlier adventures together. Remembering a romantic experience with passionate sex arouses the mind and body for similar excitement now. Memories become fantasies, and fantasies enhance satisfaction. If you have a vivid imagination and you orchestrate scintillating sex by sharing fantasies, your sex life is rich with lust and love. Memories are often shar ..read more

There are as many perspectives on this question as Carter has pills. My view is that a great lover is playful with tempting fantasies to share and act on. A delicate balance between one’s own pleasure and that of a lover is critical to make everyone thrilled. Often a lover is either selfish or too focused on the lover to be a tantalizing lover. Great sex requires a balance between self and other. Setting the stage for exquisite pleasure is highly important. Being clean without being obsessive about cleanliness is helpful. Avoiding scented soaps, deodorants, perfumes and colognes allows our nat ..read more

For several years the popular and professional media have discussed the importance of mutual consent before sex occurs. This is fine, but what are we consenting to? What are each person’s expectations if sexual activity ensues? What would be the meanings and motives for the sex? One need not and cannot look far without noticing the emphasis on consent. The relative ages of potential participants and their mental state are often a focus. If one person is under the legal age of consent, or if drugs or alcohol are involved, can real consent happen? Without clear consent, sexual abuse and rape are ..read more

I hear this statement far too often. Some couples and individuals believe that they just must try harder and their sexual and relationship problems will magically disappear. This is typically naïve thinking. I sometimes get calls or email from those who decided not to see me. These communications lament their decision to avoid therapy, and some come in, and others tell me their relationship ended. I work with these couples and with individuals left behind by a break up. Some of these people could have been helped, but they did not want to spend money or take time to do so. I wonder why some of ..read more

This may seem to be an easy question to answer, but it is not. A brief perusal of Google reveals that there are so-called “sexperts” who claim they can solve any sexual problem. Some are “sex coaches,” which is very problematic because coaches have little to no real training, and they cannot be licensed and no one can get insurance reimbursement from them. They are not therapists, but often sex coaching is an end run around the arduous process of becoming a certified sex therapist. They do not have malpractice insurance because they lack a license and the legal requirements to obtain such impo ..read more

A word that sounds like something we should not do, masturbation is the ultimate do-it yourself hobby. I call this behavior jollification, which is holding your own! Jollification is especially appropriate for the holidays– ‘tis the season to be jolly. As Woody Allen observed, at least it is with someone you love! Self-pleasuring is essential for the total appreciation of orgasms with others. Those who do not get aroused by themselves and/or with others for long periods of time may lose the capacity to be aroused. Sex researchers Masters and Johnson concluded that you either use it or lose it ..read more

There is an increasing prevalence of unhealthy incest themes in porn. While some porn is healthy and arousing, the incest saturation in porn is anything but healthy. Even though porn is a fantasy, it is a reality for those who lack thorough sex education, and it is these viewers who concern me. Porn is full of categories such as the neighbor’s daughter, amateur porn, teenage porn and fantasy and real sex. These and many other categories are constantly barraged by incest. Sexual pleasure has been limited by Supreme Court and legislative mandates nationally and state-wide. Women’s right to choos ..read more